Top Rated Comics Archive
This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.
3301. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life."
by Ranger77 on April 7, 2004
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)
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| Did you hear about that reality show where women were given plastic surgery to compete in a beauty pageant? | |
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| Terrible. The body is a temple and rampant excess and commericialism are the serpents of society. | |
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| The "Hot Doughnuts Now" light is on at that Krispy Kreme across the street. | |
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| Let us move quickly, my brother. | |
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3302. Ranger's World: The Lost Episodes
by Ranger77 on March 6, 2004
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)
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| Sounds like you two had a hard time picking a movie you both liked. | |
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| No one is completely compatible. Marriage is about compromise. So that's what we did. | |
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| You saw the chick flick didn't you? | |
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| Yes, but I get to keep my subscription to Maxim. | |
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3303. Breakup 9
by ObiJo on February 3, 2004
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)
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| DO NOT MOVE, WEAKLING HUMAN! YOU ARE MY QUARRY! | |
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| Alien abductor, I think it's over between us. | |
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3304. Breakup 3
by ObiJo on February 3, 2004
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)
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| House fire, I think it's over between us. | |
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| And a crackle crackle to you too, goodly sir. | |
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3305. Ranger's World: Transdimensional Two-Step (Part 10)
by Ranger77 on August 25, 2003
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)
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| Okay here's the deal. I like ran the molecular analyzer over those piles of ash and found something, like, very interesting. | |
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| Molecular analyzer? Chuck, I'm sorry but are you high? | |
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| Yes, alright! Geez. Anyway, there were only components of that bench found in both piles. No organic material from B and no carbon debris from Bernie. | |
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| Officer, I assure you I have no idea how I appeared suddenly in that woman's car. | |
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| I suppose an explanation of how you "suddenly" appeared between her legs while she was driving is a mystery too, eh? | |
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3306. Slut Girl! part 2: the ironic irony
by areallystupidguy on August 3, 2003
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)
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| slut girl, admit it. you are totally a slut. you even had a job as a hooker back on earth! | |
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| pfff...just because i was a hooker, that automatically makes me a slut?!?! | |
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3307. Cowboys are mean
by max on January 6, 2001
Rating: 7.21 (52 votes)
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| Hey, you've got my outfit! | |
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| Aw, shucks, just kiss me! | |
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| Well, you sure dress like one, faggot. | |
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3308. Yee-haw!
by max on January 6, 2001
Rating: 7.21 (43 votes)
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| Got my saddle, all I need now is a horse. | |
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3309. Sorted
by andydougan on March 31, 2003
Rating: 7.21 (34 votes)
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| Hello! You're through to the Samaritans. How can I help? | |
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| Hi. I'm fifty years old and still live with my mum. Also I'm fat and stupid and no one likes me. I think I'm going to kill myself. | |
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| Ha ha! Fifty and you still live with your mum? What a loser! Next! | |
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| Hello. My fifty-year-old son refuses to leave home. I'm tired of looking at his ugly face. It's driving me to suicide. | |
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| I think I might just have solved your problem. | |
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3310. Don't cad a cad, good man
by mandingo on October 9, 2006
Rating: 7.2 (25 votes)
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| egads, a civil war veteran! and from the south, no less! what are you doing in the 21st century? | |
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| i've come to study at your universities in hopes of curing cancer and teaching the blind to see | |
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3311. Ask A Gay Man Anything
by AccentuateNegative on September 15, 2005
Rating: 7.2 (25 votes)
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| Dear Fag, do men that routinely engage in anal sex eventually get conditioned to be turned on by the smell of poop? | |
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| Dear Senator Santorum, I...uh... well...gee, that's... er...I mean... hmmmmmmmm. Be right back... | |
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| Someone found out about us. | |
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| Does this mean you'll take me out in public now? | |
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3312. Timmy The Pervert #26
by TimmyThePervert on March 7, 2005
Rating: 7.2 (25 votes)
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| hey man, guess what? i just got lucky with the girl of my dreams. | |
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| really? how'd you manage that? | |
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| i dunno, are people still calling 'em roofies? | |
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3313. I was just saying
by boorite on December 10, 2004
Rating: 7.2 (25 votes)
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| I'm sure glad I'm not a Pantera fan today. | |
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| Yeah. Poor Dimebag Darrell. | |
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3314. Why, why, why?
by jes_lawson on June 15, 2004
Rating: 7.2 (25 votes)
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| Jes! Guess what? Delilah has set a date for her wedding! | |
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| I KNOW! I told that bitch I never wanted to talk to her again and she STILL called to invite me! | |
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| So...I take it by that you're not going to go? | |
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| Let me use the last panel to try and explain the situation the way I see it... | |
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Meanwhile, in an analogous situation in the 1860's...
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| Mr. Wilkes Booth? Abraham Lincoln here! Ha ha! North PWNS South, j00 l0s3r! Well gotta go, I'm at the Ford Theatre tonight, wearing my least bulletproof top hat! | |
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3315. The Water Cooler Boys
by biped on May 8, 2004
Rating: 7.2 (25 votes)
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| You know that new girl in the office? The really homely one who looks sort of like Lon Chaney? | |
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| Oh, yeah. She's a real dog all right, heh-heh. What about her? | |
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| I heard she's got the clap. | |
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3316. Funeral 2
by EvilZak on October 13, 2003
Rating: 7.2 (25 votes)
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| Here lies the body of Ken Perlis, he was a great man to all of us. Some of us knew him as a... | |
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| I'd appreciate it if you all would stop doing the wave. | |
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3317. Mr. boorite goes full ghetto
by boorite on April 27, 2004
Rating: 7.19 (48 votes)
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| We must protect the democracy of tiny San Judas from Communist rebels. General Rodriguez is beloved by his people! | |
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| Excuse me. I am from San Judas, and General Rodriguez tortures and kills us! | |
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| Yes, well, I mean "his people," like his family and friends, his "peeps" if you will. It's a Black expression. | |
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3318. Timmy The Pervert #22
by TimmyThePervert on February 20, 2005
Rating: 7.19 (32 votes)
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| so, how's your relationship with that girl you met a while back going? | |
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| meh, it's practically over. she's clingy, overbearing, and stupid. fortunately i think i can squeeze some hot sex out of her before i end it though. | |
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| hot sex eh? heh heh heh... you sly bastard. | |
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3319. Tard Boy and Finkelman
by squidrabies on November 23, 2003
Rating: 7.19 (32 votes)
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| Welcome to Monkey Burger, home of the Monkey Burger. May I take your order? | |
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| I'd like a McCheese with extra Super Sauce. | |
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| Okay. For one thing, this isn't McDonald's. | |
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| Also, there's no such thing as a McCheese or Super Sauce. | |
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| I was making a suggestion. | |
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3320. Contest 164b
by il_schmucko on January 10, 2003
Rating: 7.19 (32 votes)
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| Good morning, class, and welcome to Your Mom 201. | |
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| As many of you may know, this is just like "Your Mom 101: Survey of Your Mom," only with a more intensive lab component. | |
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| Seriously. I did today's experiment three times last night. | |
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3321. Dr. Dog
by biped on June 9, 2008
Rating: 7.19 (16 votes)
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| Well, the patient is ready. This will be an extremely delicate brain operation. We'll all be praying for Dr. Dog to succeed. | |
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| Yes. Oh, and I meant to ask--why is this complicated brain surgery being performed by a dog? Instead of a human, I mean. | |
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3322. CC380: Bedroom Acoustics
by lima on February 11, 2008
Rating: 7.19 (16 votes)
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| "Thats life... thats what all the people say..." | |
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| "Flying high in April, shot down in May..." | |
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| Just a little light entertainment. | |
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3323. Intelligencia |
by Scyess on August 21, 2007
Rating: 7.19 (16 votes)
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| So I managed to get a date tonight with a girl who's way smarter than me. | |
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| If she's so smart, why the hell did she agree to go out with you? | |
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| Oh, wait... she's only smarter than you. Never mind. | |
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| Thanks; I was hoping you could build up my confidence like that. | |
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3324. tribal tat on her lower back
by mandingo on July 12, 2007
Rating: 7.19 (16 votes)
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| grandma, i really wish you wouldn't have done that anal gangbang in your 20s. | |
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| wherever you go, you leave a trail of shit like Billy from Family Circus | |
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| speaking of which, why'd you go through my drawers after coming down from the treehouse and swinging on the swing? | |
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3325. Number 6 - Mr Kidney
by Choobychooby on May 6, 2003
Rating: 7.19 (16 votes)
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| I hope you don't mind me asking, but how did Carol die? | |
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| No, it's okay, a piano fell on her from the top of our building. | |
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| Oh my, I'm sorry, that must have been awful. | |
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| Yeah, it was pretty heavy. | |
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| It must have taken you a while to get over it. | |
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| It took me longer to get it up the stairs. | |
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3326. Flat 22a: Kevin - part Six
by Choobychooby on March 16, 2003
Rating: 7.19 (16 votes)
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| Okay, what's going on here? | |
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| I'm sorry Kevin, it's not that I don't love you, it's just that I love sex. | |
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3327. Tard Boy and Finkelman
by squidrabies on August 4, 2002
Rating: 7.18 (39 votes)
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| Do you think there really is a God? | |
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| Wow, I sure hope not! I just killed a hooker. | |
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3328. True Tales of Job Interviews (5)
by choadwarrior on April 25, 2004
Rating: 7.17 (30 votes)
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I stopped asking this question after this guy...
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| I also enjoy other intellectual pursuits. In fact, I NEVER watch TV. | |
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| Ooh! Except for Star Trek! | |
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3329. Anthropomorphism
by AccentuateNegative on November 25, 2006
Rating: 7.17 (23 votes)
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| You know how they say dogs take on the characteristics of their owners? | |
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| It's no accident I like to lick balls. | |
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3330. Sally Asks Mommy A Question
by biped on September 29, 2006
Rating: 7.17 (23 votes)
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| Mommy, will I ever get to have a big, throbbing "boner"? | |
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| Ha, ha--no dear, girls can't get "boners", because girls don't have dicks... | |
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3331. Psychic Jim
by The_young_scot on January 16, 2006
Rating: 7.17 (23 votes)
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| Thats it! I'm not allowing you to read my thoughts any longer you cerebral voyeur! | |
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| Oh? And just how do you plan on stopping me? | |
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| Somone left the cake out in the rain I don't think I can take it, 'cause it took so long to bake it | |
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| And I'll never have that recipe again......Oh no! | |
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3332. Mister Monkeybottom
by squidrabies on December 6, 2005
Rating: 7.17 (23 votes)
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| Santa, how do you manage to deliver so many presents on christmas eve? | |
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| I shoot up a bunch of meth. | |
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| One time I snorted magic off a hooker's ass. | |
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3333. Mister Monkeybottom
by squidrabies on April 30, 2005
Rating: 7.17 (23 votes)
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GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY! Part 3
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| Thanks. I'm going to kill you and your family with it. | |
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| Oh, the usual. I'm fuzzy, you're green. Clearly you're inferior. | |
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| Hahaha, good one. Seriously, though. | |
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| Whatever, man. Dick size, dance moves. The great thing about ethnic cleansing is you can just make it up as you go. | |
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3334. Flat 22a: Kevin - epilogue
by Choobychooby on March 16, 2003
Rating: 7.17 (23 votes)
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| So, Bob, my wife was having an affair with my dad, I'm heartbroken, having to sort out divorce papers just depresses me more. | |
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| Ha, nothing particularly good about THAT news, eh? | |
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| Your mom and your wife are available now? | |
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3335. 30: Goto 10
by DragonXero on January 30, 2004
Rating: 7.16 (37 votes)
3336. Tard Boy and Finkelman
by squidrabies on December 17, 2002
Rating: 7.16 (37 votes)
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| Let's sing Christmas carols. | |
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| Let's sing Hammer Time, but say Santa instead of Hammer. | |
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3337. The Good Book
by choadwarrior on April 3, 2005
Rating: 7.14 (35 votes)
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| I want to thank the world's cardinals for coming to Roma to help begin the nine days of mourning... | |
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| After that, we shall choose a new pope. But first... | |
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| Who had April 2nd in the pool? | |
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3338. Wave Your Own Wand
by Zaster on April 29, 2005
Rating: 7.14 (28 votes)
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| And this is my bedroom. You know, where all the magic happens! | |
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| For the last time, I do NOT want to join your geeky gaming club! | |
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3339. Tard Boy and Finkelman
by squidrabies on April 27, 2005
Rating: 7.14 (28 votes)
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GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY! Part 1
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| Morning. New on the continent? | |
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| Yes. How are you today, peacful indigenous tribesperson? | |
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| Oh, fine, fine. Make yourself at home. Mi continent es su continent. | |
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| You got that right. Can I interest you in some smallpox or enslavement? | |
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| Sounds great. Here, have a cup of dysentery while I watch your friends gang rape my twelve year old daughter. | |
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| Yeah, whatever. I'm gonna go play in that huge pile of gold over there. | |
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3340. CC
by HCRoyall on February 12, 2008
Rating: 7.14 (21 votes)
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| You ready to talk about what happened with you and the Potter kid? | |
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3341. Ranger's World Presents: Star Trek for Beginners #2
by Ranger77 on January 18, 2006
Rating: 7.14 (21 votes)
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| I'm an energy being. I will kill off some of your crew and take over your ship until you discover a ironically simple but creative way to destroy me. | |
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| I'm a creature from another dimension that looks curiously like characters from Greek mythology. I will take over your ship and the minds of your crew before you defeat me. | |
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| I'm a horny space vixen. I want to take over your ship, but first....do me. Right here, right now. | |
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3342. Bleedin' Jesus
by LuckyGuess on December 13, 2005
Rating: 7.14 (21 votes)
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| Hail Jesus! Look at the blood running from this statue's face! | |
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| Tonight, crazy Sacramento residents are putting expensive jewlery on the ground next to a Jesus statue I marked with a pen while I was drunk last night. | |
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| We now go to our correspondant at the Vactican to hear the Catholic churches official response. | |
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| Your Holiness, the people are in a state of unrest. What do you have to say about this scandal? | |
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| Look at the puppet. See the puppet? Wow, isn't it cool? Catholicism is the only true faith. Keep looking at the puppet. Oh look, he's dancing! | |
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3343. DIC: Britney Spears Pregnancy Test
by KungChiFu on May 5, 2005
Rating: 7.14 (21 votes)
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| If dying and going to hell means not hearing things like Golden Palace.com bought Brittney Spears' used home pregnancy test for $5001... well, count me in. Please. | |
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3344. The First Rule
by gabe_billings on July 21, 2010
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)
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| The first rule of Robotics states that you do not talk about Robotics. | |
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| You're thinking of Fight Club. | |
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| No, no. The first rule of Fight Club is that you always bring a dish to pass. | |
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| Now you're thinking about the potluck on Fridays. | |
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| I'm pretty sure the Friday potluck is a no-holds barred cage match, and there are no rules. | |
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| Ok, now you're just being stupid. | |
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3345. 295 to 0
by mandingo on March 12, 2008
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)
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| Zombie family with a chance to steal. "Name something you do right before going to bed." show me "BRAINS!!!" | |
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3346. Everything is Going to be Obee Kabee
by choadwarrior on December 1, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)
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| In financial news this week, the Investment Trust of Abu Dhabi propped up CitiGroup with an infusion of cash worth $7.5 billion. | |
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| This was a huge story, with networks and cable news channels devoting hours of discussion on the implications of the deal. | |
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| Yes, is the collapse of the credit industry, the decline of the dollar, and rising inflation making U.S. companies ripe for takeover by foriegn investors? | |
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| I think people just like saying Abu Dhabi. | |
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3347. It's Not
by Hari_Nezumi on November 5, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)
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| Yeah, I'll just have a coke to drink. | |
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| What? No. No! Why the FUCK would Pepsi be OK? How small is your brain, really, to have received "I would like a Pepsi" from "I'll have a coke?" | |
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3348. It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel gyped
by themushroom on August 19, 2007
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)
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| Now I am really never gonna get laid. | |
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3349. The Job Interview
by biped on October 5, 2006
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)
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| Looking good so far, Mr. Smith. Just one more queston. How would you feel--if Don Rickles himself--gave you a sloppy blowjob? | |
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| I'd, uh...I beg your pardon? | |
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| Don Rickles. Sloppy blowjob. Your reaction. | |
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| Uh, well...I'd... err... I'd like--no, wait... uh, I w-wouldn't like it. Yeah, that's it--I wouldn't like it. | |
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3350. fuzzyman!
by mandingo on November 11, 2005
Rating: 7.14 (14 votes)
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| fuzzyman, we won our Comic Cup match! hold me! | |
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| did you just lock the door? | |
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