Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

951. It's Chinatown, Sally

by biped on September 30, 2009
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

It's Chinatown, Sally by biped 9-30-09
MOMMY!!! (sniff) I just got DRUGGED and ANALLY RAPED!!! OH MY GOD, NO!!! MY BABY!!! NO!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!! WHO DID THIS TO YOU? WHO?	IT WAS ROMAN POLANSKI!!! AAARRGGG!!! THAT FUCKING BAST--wait a second. Roman Polanski?	Yes... (sniff) He's a very bad man, and-- Sally honey, Mr. Polanski is a movie director. It's not like he was a priest or a hobo.

952. CC 433: So long as she's housebroken

by TheGovernor on September 12, 2009
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

CC 433: So long as she's housebroken by TheGovernor 9-12-09
I was thinking about your request for a dog, and I realised pets teach two valuable lessons to kids, responsibility and death	It also occured to me that I can no longer afford your grandma's retirement home fees	Wanna play fetch?

953. Waiting for the Monolingual: Pain in the Arse II

by lima on May 27, 2009
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Waiting for the Monolingual: Pain in the Arse II by lima 5-27-09
Well yes the French pronounce it like that... ...so by your arguments, we should too.	But panini is Italian. It doesn't matter how we pronounce it in England You mean Inglhittera	But England isn't Italian... ...and neither is this panini. You're ordering cheese on toast. We just call it a panini to get cunts like you to pay a fiver for it.

954. Business

by LittleRocker on April 26, 2009
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Business by LittleRocker 4-26-09
You know when you like someone so much. But you don't know how to say it? You get that funny feeling in your stomach like you want to be sick.	Everytime you see them you instantly get nervous. Well today was the day that was going to be a new beginning. A fresh start. Ben finally gained confidence and went up to Mary.	Your fired.

955. Know Your Audience

by FrontButt on April 14, 2009
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Know Your Audience by FrontButt 4-14-09
Walking on water...	O.K., now you're just being an asshole.

956. Memaw and Pepaw

by mandingo on March 29, 2009
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Memaw and Pepaw by mandingo 3-29-09
christ, grampa, what happened to your face? you look like you ran into a brick wall	HE FELL!	i fell

957. Jew My Ride

by LuckyGuess on March 4, 2009
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Jew My Ride by LuckyGuess 3-04-09
Alright Cindy, do you recognize YOUR... OLD... CAR?! OHMYGOD	...You put air in the tires.	You've officially been Jewed.

958. alan perry: virgin p.i.

by coathangerabortion on January 29, 2009
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

alan perry: virgin p.i. by coathangerabortion 1-29-09
before i let you leave im going to have to ask you some questions about the discovery of the body okay	do girls pee out of the same hole you stick your dick in, or do they have a separate one for that?	take your time, i'm sure this has been a traumatic experience for you

959. cc406

by mandingo on November 10, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

cc406 by mandingo 11-10-08
Nielsen ratings tell us that parents leave for the middle ten minutes to take care of chores, or gin, or the gardener's cock. so we're going to take this time to teach you how the world really works	you see, everyone's always talking about love. but love is really just limerence, a chemical response that evolved so that fathers would stick around long enough to protect their big-headed human baby it lasts 4 years at the most and then it's gone. the real way the world works is power. all those things you've been taught are good and bad are just because someone gained power and made them rules	our ten minutes is almost up, kids. but remember, power not love, so if you grow up and write a Lifetime movie about the power of love, Mr. Hooper's gonna cut you MOM!

960. Little Problems Can Always be Fixed with a Cold One

by Tterb on September 23, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Little Problems Can Always be Fixed with a Cold One by Tterb 9-23-08
This new Bluetooth Headset is amazing Bill. Thanks for telling me about it. No problem Drew, I'm actually right near your house maybe we can run out and go get a beer or something	Yea sure, a beer sounds....Oh my God! What the fuck happened to my wall!? Yup, that's broke all right.	So, how about that beer now?

961. In Memoriam...

by seanator on September 11, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

In Memoriam... by seanator 9-11-08
One fine day... You know... It's 9/11 today... Yeah...	The kids have really stepped up, they are going to spend the day reflecting. I am so proud of them...	JENGA! JENGA!

962. Two word Stan

by mandingo on September 6, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Two word Stan by mandingo 9-06-08
hey, Stan. that a banana in your pocket or are you just happy to see me? ostrich fetus	what? ostrich fetus	what the hell are you doing with an ostrich fetus in your pocket? freezer's full

963. Victims of 9/11 part 11

by Creature_From_Beyond on August 24, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Victims of 9/11 part 11 by Creature_From_Beyond 8-24-08
September 29, 2001 New York, U.S.A. This is just unbelievable. Both of our husbands killed by those maniacs AND you lost your son. Bad timing for bring-your-child-to-work-day I guess.	I hope this doesn't sound callous but this is exactly why I made Robert get that million dollar life insurance policy. It's good that your daughter's future is secure. I suppose that's something I won't have to worry about now.	I knew I shouldn't have brought it up. I'm so sorry. Don't worry about it. The funeral was much cheaper than college would have been.

964. What if nigger meant Scientologist

by dcomposed on August 11, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

What if nigger meant Scientologist by dcomposed 8-11-08
Hey I just heard on the wireless that Isaac Hayes died. Well that's a bit unfortunate but he was a nigger after all so I don't feel bad to hear it.	I am not too familiar with his work but he was in South Park which I liked. Yes he was a good entertainer but that's all niggers are good for. It's amazing how many of our favourite entertainers are niggers.	What was his religion? I don't know.

965. Maybe I am. Maybe. I. Am.

by mandingo on March 25, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Maybe I am. Maybe. I. Am. by mandingo 3-25-08
christ, we wore the same blue-white color scheme again	well, one of us is gonna have to change! this is embarrassing!	look! we need to start calling each other in the morning so this doesn't keep happening! you talking to the water cooler again, Joe?

966. Scotty said there'll be days like this

by ObiJo on February 21, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Scotty said there'll be days like this by ObiJo 2-21-08
Hey, babe, what's for dinner? So that's how it is now, huh? No 'How was your day'? No 'I love you.' Just want me to shut up and serve you.	C'mon, Uhura, sweety, don't start. I just walked in the door. Maybe if you weren't so selfish, maybe if you thought about my needs once in awh...	OH NO HE DI'NT!!

967. Every Horror Movie Made in the Eighties (CC 381)

by theburninator on February 18, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Every Horror Movie Made in the Eighties (CC 381) by theburninator 2-18-08
This place looks great for a quiet weekend. That guy who said it's haunted is just stupid! I'm going to go take a shower, so I can show my boobs! Tee-hee!	Hey, man, wanna smoke some grass? Sure, bro! I called you "bro" to prove that I'm truly "from the streets" and not just the token black guy who will be dead soon!

968. FTC 124: Deleted Scenes

by PrimoOoze1138 on December 23, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

FTC 124: Deleted Scenes by PrimoOoze1138 12-23-07
And Tiny Tim said, "God bless us every one!" And then what happened?	Oh dear Lord in Heaven, please no! It's Christmas! You couldn't possib-AAGHH! AAAAGGGHH!!!	Dickens erased the original ending, in which Ebenezer Scrooge and Bob Cratchett rob a counting house in a dazzling shootout found only in John Woo movies! Aww, Charles Dickens ruined Christmas!

969. Car Accident No. 5, 2007

by AndTeenAngstForAll on December 23, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Car Accident No. 5, 2007

Ya remember when you asked me what my favorite Jackson Pollock piece was? Well, I think I'm drunk enough to show ya now...

by AndTeenAngstForAll, 12-23-07

970. Behind the Cornhole

by JStrong on October 3, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Behind the Cornhole by JStrong 10-03-07
In the comic strips, Tobor was a man of strong, simple desires TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU!!!	But out of frame he was not always the caricature he often claimed to be. Sometimes, I just want to cuddle...	Those were, of course, rare occurances. THE REST OF THE TIME I WANT TO CORNHOLE SOMEONE!!!

971. Riding the pole at the undead strip club

by mandingo on October 1, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Riding the pole at the undead strip club by mandingo 10-01-07
		i think i just threw up a little in my mouth can you break a $20?

972. Answering Service

by Scyess on September 28, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Answering Service by Scyess 9-28-07
Hi, Jon. Hi, Sanna. Or should I call you... DR. DEBOYSEN!!!	Uh, what? That's right! I've discovered your secret identity! And I will use this knowledge to shut down your secret ring of gnome-meat processing plants!!!	I'm going to try this converastion one more time. "Hi, Jon." Is it hard to talk with a mouth full of corned gnome, you bastard?

973. 1800

by Scyess on September 21, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

1800 by Scyess 9-21-07
Hey, Jon... do you know how to smoke a trout? A trout? No, but I used to smoke wolves a lot.	You smoked wolves? Yeah, but I had to give it up. I was smoking two packs a day!	You don't have any useful skills at all, do you? Well, until just now I had the skill of obscuring my uselessness with redirecting humor.

974. Cheeseburger

by BobCheeseburger on September 6, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Cheeseburger by BobCheeseburger 9-06-07
I spy with my little eye something beginning with "S". Spleen!	Hey, you got it.	I don't like where this is headed.

975. Hyper-Reality TV

by umfumdisi on August 22, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Hyper-Reality TV by umfumdisi 8-22-07
Coming up next, important information for men with blonde hair wearing blue shirts... Wow, that information sounds like it will be right up my anus!	Right up my anus? Don't you mean "Right up my alley?" Well, they are both dark, narrow and frequented by the homeless.	My bad.

976. You're a Book Store, Aintcha?

by christopher7murphy on August 18, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

You're a Book Store, Aintcha? by christopher7murphy 8-18-07
A day off at last! ...so I was talking on the phone with some bitch from the Book Store, and ... -ehem- I work at THAT Book Store!	...um...	No, not you. I'm sure it was some other bitch.

977. go get a job, Larry!

by mandingo on August 6, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

go get a job, Larry! by mandingo 8-06-07
go get a job, Larry!	go get a job, Larry! every day it's the same damn thing. why not be original for once?	go get a job, Larry! ...

978. True Colors

by umfumdisi on July 28, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

True Colors by umfumdisi 7-28-07
STOP!	Crap, I didn't even notice you there! Because of my camouflage?	No, because you're black.

979. Target Greeter Girl #1 : Big Bucks, No Whammies

by themushroom on July 17, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

Target Greeter Girl #1 : Big Bucks, No Whammies by themushroom 7-17-07
TGG wasn't sure what she was looking for when she went to the singles bar... You're a nice looking girl. I'd love to take you out for a romantic dinner and a movie, then we could drink fine wine and cuddle. *bzzt*	You're probably the most funny and intelligent woman here tonight! I'd like to get you know you better and see if we have any chemistry. *bzzt*	...but she'd know when she found it. Let's cut the crap. I want to tie you naked to my bed- posts and lick your clit until you gasp you're gonna die. Then we never meet again. *ding! ding!*

980. cannibals

by mandingo on June 29, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

cannibals

how's that black rights activist you ate? it's hard to keep the man down.

by mandingo, 6-29-07

981. click clock tock

by mandingo on June 27, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

click clock tock by mandingo 6-27-07
do you ever get the feeling time is mocking you? no, not really	"you're gonna die and there's nothing you can do about it! you're a fat cow and i mock you!" oh, well sure	then why'd you say no? you asked if i thought it was mocking me

982. New Copmic Pt. 2

by Humpenstein on June 7, 2007
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

New Copmic Pt. 2

You been drinking tonight? Nes, Yo, No. Fuck!

by Humpenstein, 6-07-07

983. In the X-mas spirit.

by Tterb on December 24, 2008
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

In the X-mas spirit. by Tterb 12-24-08
Oh good, Santa you're here...The cookies are on the table. I'll be right out.	Ho Ho Ho!	Hey. Where are you going? Why don't you have a seat.. I'm Chris Hansen with Dateline NBC To Catch a Predator