Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

1751. Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering?

by kane2742 on December 6, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Are You Pondering What I'm Pondering? by kane2742 12-06-07
Gee, Brian, what are you going to do tonight? The same thing I do every night, Pinkerton...	Try to take over the world? No. Watch TV then go to bed. What you said is just stupid.

1752. Super Racist

by LuckyGuess on November 25, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Super Racist by LuckyGuess 11-25-07
We cannot allow the muddy blood of the darkies to mix with our pure and righteous genes! Let God look upon this Earth and grant us the tools to smite them from existence! White power!	Hey, you guys know where the Blockbuster is? Y-yes! It's down the street and to your left.	Gosh, they're so darn intimidating. I'm checking my pockets in case he stole my Jambacard.

1753. Family Man #9

by bike on September 10, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Family Man #9 by bike 9-10-07
Were you able to fix my DVD burner? Yes I was; it was actually kinda cool...	Your DVD drive didn't recognize the brand of discs that you bought, so I hacked the drive's firmware and built in a new media block. Pretty neat, huh?!	You do know I stopped listening at "yes" - don't you? yeah, I figured

1754. Family Man #8

by bike on September 8, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Family Man #8 by bike 9-08-07
Was that your mom on the phone earlier? Yep. My sleazebag uncle got arrested for exposing himself to his coworkers...	Is he going to have to go to jail? Actually - he convinced a judge that he is a sex addict. Not only did he get the charges dropped, but he got put on permanent disability.	So he gets money from the government, and he can flash people with impunity... don't get any ideas

1755. Truth hurts.

by JStrong on August 15, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Truth hurts. by JStrong 8-15-07
Why are you breaking up with me? I just don't think we have anything in common.		Really? Nah, I'm just trying to be nice. It's your 4 inch wang.

1756. Why Family Circus is Only One Panel - June 8, 2007

by UnknownEric on July 5, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Why Family Circus is Only One Panel - June 8, 2007 by UnknownEric 7-05-07
When you lie on your tummy, your bottom is on top!	Oh my God, are you fucking retarded or something?

1757. child predator

by mandingo on July 5, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

child predator by mandingo 7-05-07
nudity is natural, Timmy. i brought you here so we could explore our bodies together. but don't tell your parents, okay? they treat you like a baby. unlike me, who sees how mature you are you can quit the hard sell, mr. johnson. i'm into it.	you should have told me that i have the clap?	that you were going to be so rough the surprise is half the fun

1758. Why Family Circus Is Only One Panel: 11/26/87

by biped on July 2, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Why Family Circus Is Only One Panel: 11/26/87 by biped 7-02-07
I wish we could have GRUEL for breakfast. Oliver Twist even wanted seconds.	FUCK YOU.

1759. Office Farewell

by Scyess on June 22, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Office Farewell by Scyess 6-22-07
Sorry to hear you're quitting. Yeah.	I guilted everyone into signing a card with generic farewell messages. Thanks. Even though it's obviously a trite, shallow gesture, this card will help me pretend that I actually talked to the people here occasionally.	It's been nice working with you, Jerry. "Jon."

1760. Snow Job

by choadwarrior on March 28, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Snow Job by choadwarrior 3-28-07
Bad news, the cancer has spread to your liver. That's simply not true.	You talk to any of my other organs and they'll tell you they're winning the War on Cancer.	It's on this report. Your report is biased--we all know it was prepared by people whose job it is to find cancer.

1761. Thinking Positive

by Hatrix on January 31, 2007
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Thinking Positive by Hatrix 1-31-07
Hey You! Is there anyone else in that building? No. It was just me and my mom.		That's her in the box isn't it? I think she's getting better.

1762. Sally In TV Land

by biped on November 30, 2006
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Sally In TV Land by biped 11-30-06
"...and then there's MAUDE! And then theeeere's --compromisin', enterprisin', anything but tranquilizin', RIGHT ON, MAUDE!"	Mommy, what the hell did Norman Lear have up his fucking ass? Well, he--OH MY GOD!!!	Ed, you are simply going to HAVE to watch your language around Sally. Oh, for shit's sake, what the cocksucking fuck did she say this time?

1763. Rationale

by choadwarrior on October 24, 2006
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Rationale by choadwarrior 10-24-06
Whenever a young person dies, I have to remind his loved ones that it's all part of God's plan. So when a fetus is aborted, it's because God wanted it to happen?	NO! That's murder! So is physician assisted suicide. So executing criminals is playing God too?	No, that's justice. Look, I could care less what you people believe, but you have to get your story straight.

1764. The Omen

by choadwarrior on September 11, 2006
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

The Omen by choadwarrior 9-11-06
This date, September the 11th, was seared into America's memory. On 9/11, our nation saw the face of evil...	Since the horror of 9/11, we have learned a great deal about the enemy. We have learned that they are evil and kill without mercy, but not without purpose.	For America, 9/11 was more than a tragedy, it changed the way we look at the world.... Happy birthday to me, happy birthday to me, happy birthday, dear Eric, happy birthday to me.

1765. Vicitms of 9/11 part 12

by Creature_From_Beyond on September 30, 2008
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Vicitms of 9/11 part 12 by Creature_From_Beyond 9-30-08
September 11, 2001 7:03 PM Condoleezza Rice was quoted as saying "...no one could have foreseen airliners being hijacked and used as missles..."	October 21, 1944. Desperate Jap suicide pilots have begun using their own aircraft as missiles, crashing them into U.S. warships...

1766. Assarchy in the UK

by boorite on March 24, 2006
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Assarchy in the UK by boorite 3-24-06
And in other news, the UK's ban on pointy kitchen knives went into effect today.	Here is exclusive footage of the London constabulary rounding up the contraband implements.	*Benny Hill music*

1767. 1-Down

by kaufman on December 2, 2005
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

1-Down by kaufman 12-02-05
Caesar, you're good at crossword puzzles. Think you can help me out? Sure, Brutus. What have you got?	A four-letter word meaning "Aleutian island." "Attu," Brute?

1768. CC 299: News Conference

by mandingo on October 2, 2005
Rating: 8 (15 votes)

CC 299: News Conference by mandingo 10-02-05
people say to me, mandingo... mandingo, they say, using direct address a bit redundantly, why do you run such a clean campaign when all of your opponents are such mudslingers?	Interrogative African, i say, or Mentally Impaired Polack, or whatever subspecies i happen to be talking to, i say that's because i'm a people person. and as a people person, my Headquarters is a bar. then i take them back to Headquarters, buy them a few drinks, slip them a roofie and steal their wallet. but not their jewelry. you know why?	because you're a people person?

1769. True Tales of Job Interviews (13)

by choadwarrior on September 15, 2005
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

True Tales of Job Interviews (13) by choadwarrior 9-15-05
Why are you interested in this human resources job?	I know you have a very diverse company and I really value the equal opportunities you provide people from all walks of life. And what salary are you looking for?	If I name a salary first, you'll just try and Jew me down.

1770. Ask A Gay Man Anything

by AccentuateNegative on September 9, 2005
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Ask A Gay Man Anything by AccentuateNegative 9-09-05
Dear Fag, My girlfriend won't let me have sex with her in her butthole. Am I gay if I do it with my friend Dave instead?	Dear Intruder, Performing a gay act doesn't make you gay.	Liking it does.

1771. To Serve Robot-Kind...?

by ZMannZilla on July 29, 2005
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

To Serve Robot-Kind...? by ZMannZilla 7-29-05
Excuse me, miss... Could I please get two Labatts and a shot of Goldschlager?	Take a hike, robo-scum. We don't serve your kind here.	Two Years Later... Okee-dokee... Slave #A23-TK421, we're gonna put you to work in the ebola mines, shoveling some nice big piles of... hey, don't I know you from somewhere...?

1772. Presidential News Conference

by ObiJo on February 4, 2004
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

Presidential News Conference by ObiJo 2-04-04
Good evening, members of the press corps. I'm afraid I only have time to answer one question tonight.	And that answer is no. No to what, Mr. President?	Thanks and good night.

1773. CC419

by bike on March 9, 2009
Rating: 7.86 (14 votes)

CC419 by bike 3-09-09
bad I'm leaving you for another man	worse I'm leaving you for mandingo

1774. Number Two to Go

by four_legged_tripod on March 24, 2017
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Number Two to Go by four_legged_tripod 3-24-17
12pm You want me to get you one of these Atomic burritos? Well, I've never had anything from a food truck before. Why not?	1pm It's like lava coming out of my ass!	2pm Two more burritos, please.

1775. How Come?

by choadwarrior on January 17, 2017
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

How Come? by choadwarrior 1-17-17
I have to say, that's the hottest bukkake scene ever filmed south of the Florida panhandle. Thanks--I had a good time, but I think I was allergic to that last guy.	How come? I...I...i...	Bless you.

1776. CC628: Wrestling

by evil_d on November 24, 2015
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

CC628: Wrestling by evil_d 11-24-15
To amuse myself, anytime I hear anybody talk about "rock" or "the rock", I mentally replace it with "Dwayne Johnson".	The International Olympic Committee announced today that it would consider Dwayne Johnson climbing for inclusion in the 2020 Olympics.	♫ Just let me hear some of that Dwayne Johnson 'n' roll music / Any old way you choose it / It's got a backbeat, you can't lose it.... ♪

1777. CC 627: The Dangers & Consequences Of Unprotected Sexting

by ZMannZilla on November 12, 2015
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

CC 627: The Dangers & Consequences Of Unprotected Sexting by ZMannZilla 11-12-15
One night, while sexting... i arch my back n beg u 4 mor. u r makin me cum so hard rite now! So hot! I thrust my manhood deeper into you and explode with a huge orgasm!	my vagna squueses down on ur throbbin cok. my eggs git fertalized n my body strats 2 make a feetus n plasenta. I... wait hold up...	five years l8r we r researchin kindrgardens n cleanin fruit loops throwup off teh furneture. You are one sick bitch, grandma.

1778. World's Worst Episode of Dora the Explorer

by four_legged_tripod on November 3, 2015
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

World's Worst Episode of Dora the Explorer by four_legged_tripod 11-03-15
Hola! I'm Dora. We need to get through the forest to make it to Candy Mountain. But be on the lookout for that sneaky fox.	Oh no! It's Swiper! Swiper, what are you doing in the forest? Just checking my Tinder account.	Swiper! No swiping!

1779. CC 594 The Klan Takes On The Dark

by Murica on November 9, 2014
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

CC 594 The Klan Takes On The Dark by Murica 11-09-14
You know what I hate? Black people. Hell, I hate anything that's black. In fact, I'm going to beat the stuffing out of the next black thing I see.	Holy shit, Earl. The room just done turned black. Get it! I'm gonna beat this rooms ass!	Man, that room opened up a can of whoop-ass. I think we won, though. It ain't black no more.

1780. Senior Citizen Down

by Murica on September 7, 2014
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Senior Citizen Down by Murica 9-07-14
Help! I've fallen and I can't get up. Hmmmm.	I'd like to help, but I never break the five second rule.	Ever.

1781. RCD 53

by Murica on August 25, 2014
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

RCD 53 by Murica 8-25-14
So let me get this straight. That fancy gizmo is going to beam my shit directly from my colon to the place of my choosing?	Yep. With this device, defecation is now optional. You can even beam it backward or forward into time to the location you desire. My god...the possibilities!	The presidents coffee will never taste the same.

1782. The Human Fisting Centipede

by four_legged_tripod on May 13, 2014
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

The Human Fisting Centipede by four_legged_tripod 5-13-14

1783. WW 84

by four_legged_tripod on October 1, 2013
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

WW 84 by four_legged_tripod 10-01-13
1095 AD Don't think about it. Just do it. Okay. Looks like it's time to go kill as many Muslims as I can!	2005 AD Don't think about it. Just do it. Okay. Looks like it's time to boycott as many military funerals as I can!	2099 AD Father, the talking box told me that I have to stop having sex with you. Are you nuts? That thing has been broken for 3000 years!