Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

1801. Smartest guys in the shitter

by mandingo on September 15, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Smartest guys in the shitter by mandingo 9-15-11
you know how Enron traded ideas like broadband and weather? well, i'm thinking about setting up a market that only trades in ideas that dumb ass idea just lost 10 points	your lack of comeback just sent that idea's share price plummetting	penny stock for your thoughts?

1802. One day at a time

by mandingo on August 11, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

One day at a time by mandingo 8-11-11
geez, Steve. i heard your wife took her own life. i'm so so sorry	thanks, Jen. it was just so unexpec *flerf*	woah! she'll smell THAT in hell!

1803. The Time Has Come To Say Fair's Fair

by UnknownEric on August 3, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

The Time Has Come To Say Fair's Fair by UnknownEric 8-03-11
This just in, members of Australian rock group Midnight Oil were killed in a bizarre accident last night.	A short in a hotel wall caused the bands rooms to be set aflame, which apparently they slept through.	Which raises the question: How did they sleep while their beds were burning?

1804. Clinic-ly Tested

by four_legged_tripod on July 8, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Clinic-ly Tested by four_legged_tripod 7-08-11
Gotta get to bed early. Got a big day ahead of me tomorrow. Why?	Betty Ford died.	Hey barkeep, how's 'bout another round?

1805. How Do You Like Your Coffee? (Doppio)

by ZMannZilla on June 9, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

How Do You Like Your Coffee? (Doppio) by ZMannZilla 6-09-11
Welcome to Sunmoneys Merch Cafe. How can I make your coffee? I like my coffee the way I like my women!	And that is...? Bold, strong, and thick enough to stand a spoon in.	You stand a spoon in your women? Only the ones I like.

1806. Mistress Stephanie Defines True Love

by stephabitch on May 15, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Mistress Stephanie Defines True Love by stephabitch 5-15-11
If your wife really loved you, she would have picked you up from the airport. She doesn't know how to drive a stick shift.	If your wife really loved you, she would let you go. If you really loved me, you would let me go.	That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. !

1807. CC476: The Forbidden List Of Du'Naht-Kaul

by ZMannZilla on May 15, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

CC476: The Forbidden List Of Du'Naht-Kaul by ZMannZilla 5-15-11
'In His House at R'lyeh Dead Cthulhu sleeps and dreams, yet He shall rise and His kingdom shall cover the Earth." - The Necronomicon, 739BC ...oh no oh no oh no on top of forgetting a #2 pencil i also forgot to study and put pants on oh no oh no oh no... *RIIIING* *RIIIING* *RIIIING*	Hello! We have a very special offer for the lady of the house, and- *sigh* NOT. FUCKING. INTERESTED. Take me off your list.	And that was how the telemarketers doomed all humanity. Damn, now I'll never get back to sleep.

1808. cc476

by mandingo on May 14, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

cc476 by mandingo 5-14-11
and so, having killed the Lernaean Hydra, Hercules had completed 12 of the 43 Labors, and was well on his way to saving all of mankind holy shit! Kevin Sorbo! Hercules.	but next came the "hardest leg" of his journey, the 31 Bathhouses you suck that cock, Kevin Sorbo! Hwoculeez!	later, at the Council of Carthage... what say we just make it 12 Labors? dear fuck DONE.

1809. CC472: Must supply own water

by evil_d on March 24, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

CC472: Must supply own water by evil_d 3-24-11
The following are verbatim quotes from the travel brochure you got:	"No amenities" ... "ideal site for stargazing" ... "peace and quiet like you've never experienced anywhere on earth" ... Look, Betty, a man can only go to Disney World so many times.	... "plenty of campground on the shores of what locals call the 'Sea of Tranquility'" ... Okay, I admit that one should have been a clue.

1810. Lightbulb

by mandingo on March 24, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Lightbulb by mandingo 3-24-11
i got an idea. how about we vacation somewhere REALLY hideous. someplace we can't stand why the hell would we want to do that?	well think about it. we always vacation somewhere great then come home missing it. but if we vacation somewhere shitty, we'll fucking LOVE being home. the entire year will be a vacation!	A WHOREHOUSE?? ROGER, YOU TRICKED ME!!! actually he sold you

1811. Sponge-Boob Diaper-Pants!

by four_legged_tripod on March 22, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Sponge-Boob Diaper-Pants! by four_legged_tripod 3-22-11
Who lives in a nursing home, over on Spree? Sponge-boob Diaper-pants!	Cranky, forgetful and gripy is she! Sponge-boob Diaper-pants!	Sponge-boob Diaper-pants! Sponge-boob- - - Hey Doc, if you're planning to stick me with that happy juice, you can stick it in your ass instead! Now, now. Let's not get so crabby, Patty.

1812. Break-up

by Beeko180 on March 1, 2011
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Break-up by Beeko180 3-01-11
Roses are red, violets are blue.	Stop fucking calling me at four in the morning, or I'll put a restraining order on you.	It's actually two... *click*

1813. Collateral Wildlife Damage in the Philadelphia Experiment

by HydeGuy on December 30, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Collateral Wildlife Damage in the Philadelphia Experiment by HydeGuy 12-30-10

1814. Full court bench press

by mandingo on November 12, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Full court bench press

how much do you bench? 6 to 8 hours a day

by mandingo, 11-12-10

1815. It's not like it's the end of the world...

by lukket on September 4, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

It's not like it's the end of the world... by lukket 9-04-10
Are you confused and alone, and do you wish to seek a deeper understanding of why we are here?	Well, I have to admit that I'm a bit confused why you're here! But young man. The Jehova's witnesses go everywhere to preach the good word.	But I'm in a witness protection program!?

1816. The New Happy-Time Crab Show '63

by biped on August 16, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

The New Happy-Time Crab Show '63 by biped 8-16-10
Howdy, kids! It's HAPPY TIME! YIPPEEEEEEEEE!!!Oh hap-hap-happy day! Singin' our cares away! Takin' it, come what--	We interrupt "The New Happy-Time Crab Show" for this breaking news bulletin. President John F. Kennedy... has just been assassinated.

1817. CC456: Jailhouse Wok

by TheGovernor on August 2, 2010
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

CC456: Jailhouse Wok by TheGovernor 8-02-10
Is everything alright with your meal miss? Well the soup was ok, but I thought the herbs used were a little crunchy	Ah yes our Potager was recently released after a long spell in Prison	All he knows how to do now is Hard Thyme

1818. Victims of 9/11 part 19

by Creature_From_Beyond on July 14, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Victims of 9/11 part 19 by Creature_From_Beyond 7-14-10
10:58 AM March 16, 2000 Burbank, CA Osama! What is up my man? Chris Carter?! You old dog, how are you? X-Files going well?	Yes, actually. But here's the thing. I'm trying to write the pilot for a spin-off series called "The Lone Gunmen," and I am having the WORST writers block. Writers block, huh? What if the guys were accused of a crime they didn't commit and had to break into CIA headquarters to steal a NOC list which they would then use to prove their innocence?	That's the plot to Mission Impossible! Fuck it, I'm going with my first idea; have them stop a hijacked plane from crashing into the World Trade Center right at the last minute. That's a stupid idea. Gotta go!

1819. Tobor gets a new job

by RCCOLAMAN on June 13, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Tobor gets a new job by RCCOLAMAN 6-13-10
RAAARRR! TOBOR WILL CORNHOLE YOU! Sorry Tobor but Stripcreator has fallen on hard times. I'm gonna have to let you go.	Unemployed, Tobor spends his days watching daytime tv (even at night) until one day... Green jobs will re-power America's future!! Get a Green collar job today! Corn...hole....	And so Tobor gets a job selling ethanol RAAARRR! TOBOR WILL FILL YOUR CAR HOLE WITH RENEWABLE BIOFUELS!!

1820. comedy

by FactoryRejects on June 11, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

comedy by FactoryRejects 6-11-10
Sometimes comedy doesn't have to be a grand performance; it just has to be light-hearted material you can relate to, that makes you smile. We sure are roommates! I have a job that I work at!	Other times, comedy can be abstract. It's not directly funny, but more of a planned absence of normality that is derailing enough to humor some people. Fifteen bees ostrich service	Comedy is a versatile tool that can easily repair the intolerable state of the day. I've heard that with Ubuntu 10.04, making jokes about linux is now actually amusing. I think you're full of shit, penguin.

1821. R'lyehan Dreams #8 - No, You Can't Play Through

by ZMannZilla on May 30, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

R'lyehan Dreams #8 - No, You Can't Play Through by ZMannZilla 5-30-10
Do you believe this crap, Shoggoth? HEY! HURRY UP DOWN THERE! How long have they been putting now? About ninety seconds, Lou.	You can't be serious, it's been like forever! Are they calculating their shots with an abacus or something? I am in awe of whatever circumstances made an impatient cuss like you enjoy golf.	It helps me relax. You relax by whining every five minutes? I had no idea "Cthulhu" was a Jewish name.

1822. Doctor Comic

by Beeko180 on May 7, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Doctor Comic by Beeko180 5-07-10
Congratulations, you now have a healthy baby boy. But my wife told me she gave birth to a girl. What happened back there?	Where to begin...

1823. Comic Cup XIV - Tough call

by lukket on May 3, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Comic Cup XIV - Tough call by lukket 5-03-10
You should listen to the new Radiohead track. They've gone totally ambient. OK. Hmm.... it sounds like the wailing of a little baby. The music is a little vague, if it's there at all.	Come on. It's a bold way of expressing themselves musically. They have given up on tonality and replaced it with a pure sense of being. I'm still not convinced, but I have to say that it's one of Thom Yorke's finer vocal moments.	Why can't I find the baby monitor receiver?

1824. CC 450: Deep

by ZMannZilla on May 2, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

CC 450: Deep by ZMannZilla 5-02-10
On behalf of Labatt's, I have come to grant the request of one Quebecois and one Torontonian. Let's start with the Quebecois. What's your wish? I weesh for Quebec to be surroundeed by a 10,000 foot wall wheech none may enter or escape, and I weesh to join mah fellow Quebecois within it.	Granted. Now go join your fellow countrymen.	Now you, man from Toronto, I will now grant your- 9,000 feet of water. I think you know where.

1825. No fumar

by ladyjdotnet on April 18, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

No fumar by ladyjdotnet 4-18-10
I tell ya, Lenny... there are definitely a couple of things I miss about being a smoker. What's that?	Well, for one thing, there's the gossip. I never hear anything any more- at least until everyone else has heard it. That's true. Smokers do always seem to be more in-the-know.	...and for some reason, a twice-daily excursion outdoors is way more acceptable when called a 'smoke break' rather than a 'fart break.'

1826. your bartender hates you: do you realize cognac IS brandy?

by mycatdrinkswine on March 15, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

your bartender hates you: do you realize cognac IS brandy? by mycatdrinkswine 3-15-10
i'll have a brandy. is hennessy ok?	(At a concert featuring rap/dj artists) THAT IS STRAIGHT *********. I AIN'T NO FUCKING RAPPER. ah.. well, it's just that hennessy is the only cognac or brandy we have. is there something else you'd like?	i guess i'll have a tanqueray and cranberry. a gin and juice... you've done a fine job avoiding stereotypes.

1827. Before is After

by AccentuateNegative on March 5, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Before is After by AccentuateNegative 3-05-10
You've been losing weight! Yeah.	How much? 25 pounds.	Any more and you'll match the weight on your online profile.

1828. Probably Been Done Before

by four_legged_tripod on February 16, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Probably Been Done Before by four_legged_tripod 2-16-10
Do you see it yet Cap'n? Not yet.	How 'bout now? Ah, there it is! Land Ho!

1829. True Stripper Tales

by AngryAmerican on January 28, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

True Stripper Tales by AngryAmerican 1-28-10
What's wrong Brooke? You seem extra confused today. The light thingy on...my four wheeled thing...won't make shiny anymore...	Hold on Brooke, you mean you have a headlight out? Yes! Thank you! What do I do?	You're probably just out of halogen fluid. Just go to your dealership and ask for some halogen fluid. OK. Thanks!

1830. CC 443 - Missionary position wanted?

by lukket on January 8, 2010
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

CC 443 - Missionary position wanted? by lukket 1-08-10
No, we don't have a God. We believe in the special something that exists between people, the powers of nature and the mysteries that happen there. Sounds sensible. But isn't the vow of chastity demanding?	No. In our religion the monks must perform the holy sacrament of fornication with the female members weekly. So, how many female members do you have to get through in a week?	We still lack female members.

1831. Grammar Ninja: Body Karate

by monkeyknifefight on December 19, 2009
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Grammar Ninja: Body Karate by monkeyknifefight 12-19-09
Hey baby, I bet you're like the most checked out item in here.	I mean, you're the subject and I'm the predicate: you usually come before me.	I suppose I would like to hear an ejaculatory phrase...or two. Oh...my...god...

1832. Better Than Walgreens

by russman on December 24, 2009
Rating: 7.86 (7 votes)

Better Than Walgreens by russman 12-24-09
I just met this new girl and she gives me a Christmas present out of nowhere.	So I played it cool and said you can't have yours until tomorrow.	It's pretty hard to find a gift at Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve that looks like something you didn't find at Wal-Mart on Christmas Eve.