Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

1051. CC369: Super Father Frank's win-win situation

by themushroom on September 30, 2007
Rating: 8.13 (16 votes)

CC369: Super Father Frank's win-win situation

Sure, Father Frank had the power to take out the missiles, stop the giant cockroaches, and save the Earth -- but he chose not to because it conflicted with his day job, getting souls to Heaven.

by themushroom, 9-30-07

1052. Detective Cannibal

by mandingo on September 21, 2007
Rating: 8.13 (16 votes)

Detective Cannibal by mandingo 9-21-07
*chew chew* you just ate the murder victim. that was kind of all the evidence we had, seeing how you'd already eaten the gun, ski mask, and that unlucky junior detective that wandered too close.	*chew chew* here's an idea. why not save some time and just eat the entire crime scene.	*chew chew* smart ass.

1053. http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/Hatrix/382023/

by RedfeatheR on August 16, 2007
Rating: 8.13 (16 votes)

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/Hatrix/382023/ by RedfeatheR 8-16-07
I'm sorry officer. This is my first time speeding. I won't do it again. what?		You're parked in the middle of the street

1054. Explaining evolution is hard

by JStrong on August 15, 2007
Rating: 8.13 (16 votes)

Explaining evolution is hard by JStrong 8-15-07
I really think you're wrong, evolution doesn't exist. I came from Adam and Eve, not a monkey! Alright, alright, let's think about Adam and Eve. 6000 years ago, they gave rise to all humans. Over a mere 6000 years that common ancester gave birth to both you and me.	Uh huh. But I look very different from you. Over several MILLION years, couldn't changes have been much more radical?	By god, you're right! Black people aren't human! I always had a feeling... Goddammit.

1055. Decoration is important.

by JStrong on August 14, 2007
Rating: 8.13 (16 votes)

Decoration is important. by JStrong 8-14-07
I got the money, you got the stuff?	Yeah, I got it right here	Um, are those pictures of your family? You don't have pictures of your kids on the walls of your work?

1056. i miss squidrabies

by mandingo on July 10, 2007
Rating: 8.13 (16 votes)

i miss squidrabies by mandingo 7-10-07
i think the guy behind us is dead you should know		let's stick something up him to make sure that is sooooooooo 10 minutes ago

1057. Jimmy the Inappropriate Sportscaster

by choadwarrior on June 17, 2007
Rating: 8.13 (16 votes)

Jimmy the Inappropriate Sportscaster by choadwarrior 6-17-07
And now we go over to the 14th hole, where our leader has found some trouble... Jimmy?	Yes, it looks like he's behind a tree in knee-deep rough...	This is the worst lie since, "I won't cum in your mouth."

1058. at church

by mandingo on July 13, 2005
Rating: 8.13 (16 votes)

at church by mandingo 7-13-05
but John we're all goin to die. every one of us will rot in the ground, bugs gnawing on our flesh, or be cremated into nothing, our ashes becoming the smog of a dying planet. meditate on that a moment		and do you, Alicia Reynolds, take this man, John Richards...

1059. Lights out

by Bogart on November 13, 2001
Rating: 8.13 (16 votes)

Lights out by Bogart 11-13-01
	*click*	*click* Gotta lay off the nachos after 10:30.

1060. Comedy Bang Bang

by four_legged_tripod on May 8, 2018
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

Comedy Bang Bang by four_legged_tripod 5-08-18
That really wasn't very nice, what you said to me. I'm sorry. I thought you were a school.	A school. Yeah. You're not a school?	No. Damn. I really wanted to shoot some kids in you.

1061. CC 645: Countdown to Burntown

by umfumdisi on November 2, 2016
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

CC 645: Countdown to Burntown by umfumdisi 11-02-16
We'll be back with the weather in FIVE minutes. But, first, don't FORget to set your clocks back this weekend.	You've already said that THREE times, Diane. That's because some people are TOO dumb to remember, Todd. And they end up coming into work late, Todd.	Breaking news, Diane. I'm holding up ONE finger, just for you. Much like your wife, Todd, I have ZERO interest in taking you up on that. And now the weather...

1062. CC607 - St Puntricks Day

by Kevin_Keegans_Perm on March 19, 2015
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

CC607 - St Puntricks Day by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 3-19-15
My Advisor told me to invest in Potatoes. He said I would be Dublin my money.	On his advice, Irished everything to make my fortune.	It funded my new movie about Irish Immigrants moving to America during the Potato famine. Its called "Starch Trek"

1063. Upselling

by four_legged_tripod on July 10, 2014
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

Upselling by four_legged_tripod 7-10-14
Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Only if my dick gets five dozen friendly tugs.	Five dozen friendly tugs for five dozen liquor jugs? Unless, of course, the jugs you seek are found on my sister, the slutty freak.	So if I want to wet my beak, your sister freak is what I seek? You know what? I'm too tired for this. 500 bucks. She's out back by the dumpster.

1064. CC548: Also #1934!

by Scyess on January 7, 2014
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

CC548: Also #1934! by Scyess 1-07-14
One morning, as Gregor Samsa was waking up from anxious dreams, he discovered that in his bed he had been changed into a monstrous verminous bug. What's happened to me?	Woah woah WOAH. This shit is way too cerebral for 2014. Try something else. HOLY SHIT! THE GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PAST!!!	That's closer, but it's still technically a classic. Can you go even lower? Um, Expelliarmus?

1065. Murderball

by mandingo on January 1, 2013
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

Murderball by mandingo 1-01-13
what's the story morning glory? murderball, sarge.	the hooliganism that's arisen from that noble sport! how'd they do it this time? they chainmailed their balls and teabagged a hooker to death after USA got shut out by Canada	SHUT OUT?! i'll grab the chainmail

1066. How to Cover up Anal Rape

by four_legged_tripod on August 4, 2016
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

How to Cover up Anal Rape

So last night, I was out in the feild when I saw a bright light. I felt all fuzzy inside and blacked out. When I woke up this morning me butthole was sore. Aliens. You were surely abducted and probed by aliens.

by four_legged_tripod, 8-04-16

1067. We went on a date once, it's the least you can do

by attitudechicka on November 6, 2012
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

We went on a date once, it's the least you can do by attitudechicka 11-06-12
Bring me a pizza. What do I look like to you?	Sexy.	Sexier if you're in my house holding a pizza.

1068. DP

by four_legged_tripod on June 10, 2012
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

DP by four_legged_tripod 6-10-12
I need a DP please. Uh, we'll have to go in back for that.	Oh god! One in my ass AND one in my pussy?	So, can I get my Dr. Pepper now?

1069. Real Life: Child's Play

by four_legged_tripod on June 5, 2012
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

Real Life: Child's Play by four_legged_tripod 6-05-12
You stepped on the garden hose! That means you lose 25 points. Nuh uh. Because it happened under the tree it doesn't count, plus because you tried to take away points when you couldn't you lose 25 points.	Wait! You guys just can't make up the rules as you go just to make them fit what you want. Sure we can dad. It's called kid rules.	What do you mean because you walked in and I was half in my pjs that it means automatic sex tonight with unlimited ass play? Kid rules!

1070. After Walking on Water, Jesus Walks on the Horizon

by four_legged_tripod on May 8, 2012
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

After Walking on Water, Jesus Walks on the Horizon

by four_legged_tripod, 5-08-12

1071. B.O.A.T.S. - And I Will Always Love 'Daydream Believer'

by ZMannZilla on February 29, 2012
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

B.O.A.T.S. - And I Will Always Love 'Daydream Believer' by ZMannZilla 2-29-12
Hey internet, Whitney Houston died. SO?!?!?! WHY SHOULD I CARE IF WHITNEY HOUSTON DIED? WHY SHOULD ANYONE CARE?!	I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHY DO PEOPLE ACT THIS WAY WHEN CELEBRITIES DIE?! I BET YOU CAN'T NAME A SINGLE SOLDIER THAT DIED IN IRAQ, BUT HERE YOU ARE CRYING ABOUT WHITNEY!!! SCREW CELEBRITY DEATHS AND SCREW ANYONE WHO IS SAD BECAUSE SOME SINGER WHO HASN'T BEEN RELEVANT IN DECADES IS DEAD!!!	One Week Later... Hey Internet, Davy Jones died. Oh how sad, he was my favorite Monkee :( RIP

1072. Menaces to Society

by biped on February 21, 2012
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

Menaces to Society by biped 2-21-12
Now remember about the fungus cream, Taquito. Twice a day. Hokay, Grannicita. Taquito, he gonna remem--	OUTTA THE WAY OLD HAG!!! COMIN' THROUGH!!! VROOM VROOOM!! SCREEEEECH!!! GAAAAAAAA!!! YOU RUN OVER MY GRANNY WITH YOU...YOU ROCKET CHAIR!!!	OLD-LADY SPEED BUMP AT SIX O'CLOCK!!! KAPOOWWW!!! CRASH SMASH GOES THE MATADOR!!! BLAMMOOOO!!!

1073. cc497

by mandingo on February 15, 2012
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

cc497 by mandingo 2-15-12
you have peeked zee wrong alley, leettle girl. before i drain your sveet, sveet blood, let me tell you about zee destroyer you had zee misfortune to meet tonight for thouseends of years, rulers have quaked at my name. i've made mountains crumble and ceeties burn. i've changed zee course of history... with a seengle bite!	but i'm a virgin. even as a bat. eet's weird. and sometimes i wet 'um. are zee two related? i don't know. and zis one time i tried to steeck my deeck een my hot neighbor's dog. i can still hear you when you're mumbling behind the cape, you know.	i'll just be going! hey, don't feel bad. vampire virgins make up half my school.

1074. We Replaced These People's Brains with Goldfish Brains

by four_legged_tripod on December 28, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

We Replaced These People's Brains with Goldfish Brains by four_legged_tripod 12-28-11
Hi Carol you look spiffy this evening goin on a date later? Uh...no I always wear this dress to work but i'm glad you noticed Dan.		Hi Carol you look spiffy this evening goin on a date later? Uh...no I always wear this dress to work but i'm glad you noticed Dan.

1075. Family Ties

by four_legged_tripod on December 24, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

Family Ties by four_legged_tripod 12-24-11
We should have sex. I'm not really comfortable with that.	Oh come on. No one will ever know. You know you want to. But you're my sister.	So? Mom and dad will never find out. Plus you can do anything you want to me. Even anal. Well, okay. If you incest.

1076. cc486: Tenderly, like a woman should.

by mandingo on September 27, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

cc486: Tenderly, like a woman should. by mandingo 9-27-11
captain, it appears that your inordinately long pauses are in fact due to an inoperable tumor in the hypothalamus of your brain Fuck	i'm sorry, sir, but according to my calculations, you only have 2.1 months to live	or approximately 3 paragraphs. ...ing shit!

1077. The Immaturity Syndrome

by biped on September 27, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

The Immaturity Syndrome by biped 9-27-11
Isn't this the communicator your mom gave you for your birthday, Spock? Yes it is, Captain. Thank you for finding it...	Oops. ...and then intentionally dropping it down the Black Hole of Ringus Wormius IV.	Oh, I told him to do that. As ship's clown, I understand the healing comedic value of pissing off Vulcans.

1078. Check, Please

by umfumdisi on August 28, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

Check, Please by umfumdisi 8-28-11
	For the last time, I do not wish to mate!

1079. The Bachmans Were Made For Each Other

by choadwarrior on August 1, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

The Bachmans Were Made For Each Other by choadwarrior 8-01-11
Not tonight, dear...	You have a headache.

1080. Pillow talk

by mandingo on May 20, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

Pillow talk by mandingo 5-20-11
i'm filled with so much hate right now	that's not hate, that's my cock yes, but i've named your cock "hate"	you can't name another person's body part WHEN IT'S IN ME IT'S MINE!

1081. I Feel a Breeze

by four_legged_tripod on April 26, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

I Feel a Breeze by four_legged_tripod 4-26-11
Hey, mister? Are those chaps assless? They sure are son. But I don't call 'em that.	What do you call them? The world's first mullet.	Why? Business in the front and party in the back.

1082. Yo Mama Likes Poetry

by four_legged_tripod on March 7, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

Yo Mama Likes Poetry by four_legged_tripod 3-07-11
Knock knock. Who's there?	Hike. Hike who?	You're such a dumb ass You don't know you're being dissed In Japanese style I don't get it.

1083. One Saturday Night Along Fraternity Row

by kaufman on March 2, 2011
Rating: 8.13 (8 votes)

One Saturday Night Along Fraternity Row by kaufman 3-02-11
MUBARAK!!! MOAMMAR KHADAFFI!		Jeez, I wish those guys would argue about Mideast politics a bit quieter. Actually, I think they're just puking in the bushes.