Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

1351. Lance Corporal

by AccentuateNegative on November 10, 2012
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Lance Corporal by AccentuateNegative 11-10-12
Today is the the Marine Corps' 237th birthday.	Luckily for me, it still has the body of a 20 year old.

1352. The Old Farmer and His Son

by biped on January 2, 2012
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

The Old Farmer and His Son by biped 1-02-12
I can't believe you pushed my new Mercedes-Benz off a cliff. A CLIFF. Material possessions are bad, son. You'll thank me for this someday.	Eighty years later... Uhh...no. Fuck you, Dad. (sigh) I guess it's time you knew. I'm not really your dad.	Huh? But... Son, you're 117 years old. Move outta the fuckin' house already.

1353. LOLignment

by ladyjdotnet on September 7, 2011
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

LOLignment by ladyjdotnet 9-07-11
I've got a wheel bearing problem. It makes the car want to drift to the left, especially at speeds exceeding 65 MPH.	It's not so bad, though.	I've gotten really good at steering with my knees while texting.

1354. Trailer Taylor in Sex Ed

by four_legged_tripod on September 6, 2011
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Trailer Taylor in Sex Ed by four_legged_tripod 9-06-11
Hey pa? Is it true that babies come outta the same place boys stick their thingies?	Yup. Oh.	So that's the reason ma ain't got no teeth!

1355. Fist This Christian

by choadwarrior on June 3, 2011
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Fist This Christian by choadwarrior 6-03-11
Not many people showed up at your protest	Yeah, I know, disappointing... What are you even protesting?	Protestants.

1356. 6 Degrees

by four_legged_tripod on May 10, 2011
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

6 Degrees by four_legged_tripod 5-10-11
Emma Roberts didn't play Nanny McPhee. That was Emma Thompson. Oh she's good. Multi-talented even. I used her last fall to seal my deck.	What the hell? We're talking about people here. You just confused Emma Thompson with Thompson's Water Seal. What's your problem? I don't have a problem. What's your problem?	My problem is that I want to roundhouse kick your face so hard that your nose ends up in another county, but I'm not sure how to do that. When did we start talking about Chuck Norris?

1357. 6 Degrees

by four_legged_tripod on May 10, 2011
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

6 Degrees by four_legged_tripod 5-10-11
Doogie Howser was not played by Ed O'Neill. He was played by Neil Patrick Harris. How would an astronaut of his caliber have time to shoot a sitcom?	I wasn't talking about Neil Armstrong you idiot. You mean that poor bicycle bastard with one testicle?	No, that's Lance Armstrong. Really? Do you think Guinevere had a problem with him being a one balled bastard?

1358. 6 Degrees

by four_legged_tripod on May 10, 2011
Rating: 8.18 (11 votes)

6 Degrees by four_legged_tripod 5-10-11
Just got this great book about Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T. Why the hell would Chuck Norris fight a talking horse?	You're thinking of Mr. Ed. You're right! I love that guy. Especially when he would sit on the couch with his hand in his pants and yell at his wife Peg.	Now you're thinking of Ed O'Neill on Married With Children. No. I doubt seriously that Doogie Howser would ever have his hand down his pants.

1359. You Can't Say That in Retail, Foreigner

by umfumdisi on March 20, 2011
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

You Can't Say That in Retail, Foreigner by umfumdisi 3-20-11
Vera Wang make panties! Vera Wang make bras!	Vera Wang make purses! Vera Wang make nighties!	Vera Wang make sunglasses! Vera Wang make us work long time in sweatshop!

1360. Wayne The Asshole Cow

by ZMannZilla on February 3, 2011
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Wayne The Asshole Cow by ZMannZilla 2-03-11
Hello ma'am, my name is Wayne. Before I sell you this Amway, I am required by law to tell you that I'm a registered sex offender.	I'd also like to let you know that 75% of my profits will be donated to "Waterboardings For Tots", a charity organization I sponsor along with some of my fellow Klansmen.	May 7, 2019: In an effort to reach out to vegan consumers, Outback Steakhouse genetically engineers cows that deserve to be eaten. Wow, is all meat as yummy as Wayne? Just ours, ma'am. Shall I send Adolf to your address tomorrow?

1361. Ed's Embarrassing Error

by biped on January 1, 2011
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Ed's Embarrassing Error by biped 1-01-11
Ed, I'm sorry I didn't call to tell you Grandma Flonase died in our bed... Uh-huh.	And I appreciate the fact that it was dark when you got home, and you thought...well... Right.	Mom, Dad's out in the garage sand blasting his dick. Don't say the "D" word, Billy.

1362. Don't Name Your Dog Vagina

by boloboffin on December 12, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Don't Name Your Dog Vagina by boloboffin 12-12-10
Vagina! Vagina, where are you? Come here, girl!	Dude, what the fuck? What? I'm just looking for Vagina.	Seriously? Yeah, it's bathtime again. But every time I draw the water, that stinky old Vagina runs off.

1363. To Betty, all Men are Al

by four_legged_tripod on October 26, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

To Betty, all Men are Al by four_legged_tripod 10-26-10
What is it, ma? Audry II, it's time you grew up and move out. And you won't grow up strong unless you start eating your vegetables!	What up dog? You got any vegetables on you? No, but I hear they keep some in the building down the block.	Coma unit? 3rd floor.

1364. How Pulchritudinous is Your Mother?

by PennyDreadful on August 18, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

How Pulchritudinous is Your Mother? by PennyDreadful 8-18-10
I think you might find it interesting to note, sir--that your Mother is so morbidly obese, that it is causing her significant health problems, and she can expect a decrease in life expectancy.	Thank you so much for you concern, sir. I shall see that her personal physician is notified.	Have you been made privy, my dear gentlemen, to the fact that I had intercourse with your sainted Mother last Wednesday after tea?

1365. Mrs. Picklesby goes to the Patent Office

by PennyDreadful on August 13, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Mrs. Picklesby goes to the Patent Office by PennyDreadful 8-13-10
Well, Mrs.Picklesby, patent right law is fairly straight forward. Tell me about your product. It's one of those advanced home pregnancy tests.	Hmmmm..there's a growing market for faster responding and more accurate pregnancy tests. It's not any faster or more accurate...it's just a clearer result message.	What does it say? It reads "whore" if she's pregnant--and "lucky whore" if she's not.

1366. Why serfdom was retarded

by RetardedHistory on August 2, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Why serfdom was retarded by RetardedHistory 8-02-10
So, let's run through this again. I'm not a SLAVE...to a person. I'm owned by the land. The land is my master Well, the owner of the land, but yeah. The land rules you.	So, if I have a labour dispute, I discuss it with the land? I talk to the soil? You'd be a serf. Serfs don't have labour issues. They get whipped.	Whipped by the land?? No, by...let's go over this again.

1367. This Is Tech Support

by ZMannZilla on July 28, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

This Is Tech Support by ZMannZilla 7-28-10
I'll be more than happy to help you find your Doodad2Go's internet settings. Open the Preferences option and select Page Two. HE SAY GO TO TH' PREFACES THING AN' SAY TWO!	OK, now use the Access Point Tool to find your router. HE SAY USE TH' ACCESS TUBE AN' GO FIND A ROUTER!	Sir, I think this process might go faster if you'd just give the phone to the person operating your Doodad2Go. HE SAY GIVE TH' PHONE TO A PERSON AN' OPERA THING A DUDE HAT AGO!

1368. My Crazy Mother

by ZMannZilla on July 18, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

My Crazy Mother by ZMannZilla 7-18-10
Wow, Mom, it sure is weird feeling my baby kick around inside of my wife. Was I that active when you were pregnant with me? Oh, I'll say! You used to kick so hard, you'd knock the ashtray off my stomach!	Wait... you SMOKED while you were pregnant with me? Um... yes? It was the 70's, bubeleh! Smoking wasn't bad for babies back then!	Besides, the hash made you stop kicking long enough for me to sleep.

1369. Homonyms

by HCRoyall on July 16, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Homonyms by HCRoyall 7-16-10
I really wish you'd pay more attention to it... Look, it's all that hair. It gets everywhere! I feel like I can't inhale without needing to hack up a hairball.	Okay, I admit, maybe I don't do enough grooming. It'd be better if you just shaved the damn thing clean.	Good luck trying to lather the cat up, let alone take a razor to it. Who said anything about your cat?

1370. Transcendental Medication

by ladyjdotnet on June 16, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Transcendental Medication by ladyjdotnet 6-16-10
My tooth is killing me! My friend told me to come see you. He said you're a "Trance Dentist" or something like that. Transcendentist. We will meditate together and chant our mantras, until you are completely at peace.	And then you can perform the dental work without anesthetic? That sounds pretty cool. No. The chanting is the procedure. You will become one with the pain and rise above it.	People are willing to pay you such large sums of money for this malarkey!? They become one with the loss of funds, and rise above it.

1371. Brad Meets the Devil

by TheAshesOfTheJoker on June 5, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Brad Meets the Devil by TheAshesOfTheJoker 6-05-10
Do you understand what I'm saying? I can make ALL of your dreams real! Yeah, I heard it, and I'm telling you I wanna meet Nicolas Cage!		Do you understand what I'm saying?

1372. Ask A Gay Man Anything

by AccentuateNegative on June 4, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Ask A Gay Man Anything by AccentuateNegative 6-04-10
Dear Fag: How can I become impossibly thin like all the twinks I see?	Dear Flabulous: That's easy. First you need a gym membership you don't use...	And a lot of meth you do.

1373. OPC 50: Get to the Back of the Short Bus!

by brycekain on June 2, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

OPC 50: Get to the Back of the Short Bus!

This just in ... North Carolina schools vote to re-segragate their students. Could this be turning back the clock on civil rights? Coming up: Women! They suck at math and laugh at my penis. Why should we keep 'em?

by brycekain, 6-02-10

1374. The PR Man

by ragu4u on May 28, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

The PR Man

Offices of BP Oil... So lubricant doesn't make you swim faster?

by ragu4u, 5-28-10

1375. Perverted Hanna Barbera Cartoons: Rape Ape

by four_legged_tripod on May 18, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Perverted Hanna Barbera Cartoons: Rape Ape by four_legged_tripod 5-18-10
AUGGGHHH! It's Rape Ape! rape ape. rape ape.		Call me. rape ape.

1376. Take My Advice

by four_legged_tripod on April 7, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Take My Advice by four_legged_tripod 4-07-10
So this guy comes in and says, "Doctor, it hurts when I do this." So I told him to stop doing it. Oh, doctor! You're so witty. So what happened?	He died. Why?	Because it hurt when he breathed in.

1377. Three Wishes is Enough

by monkeyknifefight on March 29, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Three Wishes is Enough by monkeyknifefight 3-29-10
Tonight at 7... I'm here with Good Fairy Peaseblossom, who is retiring after years of service. That's right. I've had enough! It's the same shit all the time.	Ex--excuse me? What do you mean? "More wishes, Good Fairy! I Wish for more wishes, neeagh!" Total bullshit.	Well to be fair, that is the smartest thing to-- No! Just because I'm a fairy doesn't mean I have to take it in the ass from you people. I'm nobody's wishbitch now!

1378. Training Dayz Wit Noonie

by NooniePuuBunny on January 19, 2010
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Training Dayz Wit Noonie by NooniePuuBunny 1-19-10
Now remember, we have to have fun for people to buy shit from us. So be happy and bubbly for the customers when we're selling. Got it?		I've got bubbles coming out of my ass, dammit! Thats the spirit!

1379. Das Bullshit

by The_young_scot on December 15, 2009
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Das Bullshit by The_young_scot 12-15-09
... and all I could see in front of me was a bunch of big black dildos	Jamie that doesn't sound work appropriate, what are you talking about? I uhh was practising German... "Der Bunch of das Blogen Dil Dosen"	Oh that's fantastic! How much German can you speak? About 12 inches

1380. When Waiters Change Professions

by four_legged_tripod on December 1, 2009
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

When Waiters Change Professions by four_legged_tripod 12-01-09
Hi. I'm Mark and I'll be your rapist this evening. Hi Mark.	Can I start you off with something? A bitch slap, a knife to the throat? No, I think I'll just get to the main course.	10 minutes later... Have you had enough or can I interest you in some dessert? Do you have anything in a black man?

1381. Disengaged Debbie 3

by biped on November 13, 2009
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Disengaged Debbie 3 by biped 11-13-09
OINK!!! FRRRT!! WHOOPEEEE!!! HONK--hey, where are you going?	Debbie! I was going to make cotton candy!	Well? Did you and Foofy "set a date"? Foofy's a closet clown, mother. He... he honked at me.

1382. Life's a Crock When You're Named Reichenbock: Day 2

by four_legged_tripod on November 2, 2009
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Life's a Crock When You're Named Reichenbock: Day 2 by four_legged_tripod 11-02-09
Hey there Joe. How's it going? Look man, I appreciate the fact that you've stopped tea bagging my coffee cup, but this turn you've taken to dry humping my ass has got to stop.	Am I coming on too strong? No, you're cumming on my wallet.

1383. Ban Notice - Part 1 of 3

by Jeanster on October 30, 2009
Rating: 8 (10 votes)

Ban Notice - Part 1 of 3 by Jeanster 10-30-09
My name is Mickey Wiseguy. I used to hang out at the local public library. Until . . . "This is a Ban Notice. You are hereby banned from your local Public Library. "	When you're banned, you've got nothing. No borrowing privileges, no story hour, no browsing through the library books and DVDs. You're banned from ever setting foot inside the library. Where am I? Duh? Outside the library.	You read whatever comes your way: a discarded newspaper you find on the bus, really old magazines in the doctor's waiting room, the back of a cereal box.