Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

2451. i am so smrt

by pisces on November 22, 2006
Rating: 7.62 (21 votes)

i am so smrt by pisces 11-22-06
i never bought into that zodiac crap that my parents were into. my family says i'm a brainless airhead because i'm a pisces.	i tell them i'm a brainless airhead because i snort bathtub crank for breakfast.	let me put you on hold, i think this cop wants to give me something.

2452. RIP Nipsey

by suicide_king on October 12, 2005
Rating: 7.73 (22 votes)

RIP Nipsey by suicide_king 10-12-05
I'll take "Recently Deceased Black Americans" for $500, Alex.	This polyester wearing TV funnyman was known for his cracking wise and rhyming couplets in the company of B-list celebrities. Who was Nipsey Russell?	No, sorry -- who was Johnnie Cochoran.

2453. God: Year One

by squidrabies on September 14, 2005
Rating: 7.62 (21 votes)

God: Year One by squidrabies 9-14-05
Grunt. Eek. Oop.	Thppt.	If this whole people thing doesn't work out, how would you guys like a promotion?

2454. Tard Boy and Finkelman

by squidrabies on December 24, 2002
Rating: 7.61 (44 votes)

Tard Boy and Finkelman by squidrabies 12-24-02
Jesus died on the cross for our sins. He sure did.		That was pretty dumb. Rookie mistake.

2455. WW 64: Happy Holidays from Gran Marie!

by attitudechicka on November 8, 2008
Rating: 7.61 (23 votes)

WW 64: Happy Holidays from Gran Marie! by attitudechicka 11-08-08
WHO WANTS TO SEE MY BOOBIES?	Uh, Gran? I don't think this is the right time or place to be releasing the girls. Well, I wasn't going to show you my nipples!	I'm not quite sure how that matters.

2456. CC353 - Hey! Us kids know!

by kramer_vs_kramer on April 26, 2007
Rating: 7.61 (23 votes)

CC353 - Hey! Us kids know! by kramer_vs_kramer 4-26-07
I'm here to pick up my gerbil. Ah yes, the gerbil. I'm afraid we... lost it.	It's up your ass isn't it? No.	So why are you walking funny? And what's that squeaking noise? New shoes?

2457. Funny Things the Homeless Say in my Dreams - 1

by crackpanther on March 13, 2007
Rating: 7.61 (23 votes)

Funny Things the Homeless Say in my Dreams - 1 by crackpanther 3-13-07
Boy that alternative minimum tax sure is a klller. Haha I pooped on that corner!	Goddamit Brett I can't talk to you 'bout anything serious! Or was it you that pooped on the corner??	We both did, Brett. Right!

2458. Rumours

by choadwarrior on March 24, 2005
Rating: 7.61 (23 votes)

Rumours by choadwarrior 3-24-05
My secretary is out sick today. So is mine.	Do you think they're having an affair?	That would be so hot if they were 30 years younger.

2459. Only Nixon Could Go to Vagina

by AccentuateNegative on September 4, 2006
Rating: 7.6 (25 votes)

Only Nixon Could Go to Vagina by AccentuateNegative 9-04-06
I should write a sex advice column.	You still think women's private parts are called, "the China."	Well, they are ancient, mysterious, and we have no understanding of them. Don't forget that they were closed to Westerners until the Seventies.

2460. God: Millenium One

by squidrabies on September 30, 2005
Rating: 7.6 (25 votes)

God: Millenium One by squidrabies 9-30-05
Abra-cadabra, you're pregnant with the son of God, congratulations. Buh.	Name him Jesus or I kill your family. See ya around.

2461. Quality Time VII

by RedfeatheR on August 24, 2005
Rating: 7.6 (25 votes)

Quality Time VII by RedfeatheR 8-24-05
THAT'S IT!!! You're grounded for ETERNITY!!! How long is that?	Imagine a ball of TITANIUM the size of the EARTH. Then imagine a DOVE, that, once every MILLION years flies past the ball, tipping its wing tenderly upon the ball’s surface… …when that BALL is DUST you can leave your room…	Now go change your pants and get to bed

2462. Crazy Dubya Adventures 2005 (Part 1 of 300)

by kramer_vs_kramer on March 2, 2005
Rating: 7.6 (25 votes)

Crazy Dubya Adventures 2005 (Part 1 of 300) by kramer_vs_kramer 3-02-05
George, I noticed there's a gap in the market for comics about you, so I figured I'd step in. Well sure, little buddy.	Since I'm not American, though. I figured I'd speak to you first so I can get up to speed on your policies. Hold on, you're not an American? Donald- call in an airstrike!	Thanks Donald, that one almost touched me!

2463. Tard Boy and Finkelman

by squidrabies on February 28, 2003
Rating: 7.59 (56 votes)

Tard Boy and Finkelman by squidrabies 2-28-03
Midgets prefer to be called 'little people'. I don't think that's right. Me neither.		They're not people. They're elves or something.

2464. Office Zombie Number 11

by deathtoradio on September 16, 2007
Rating: 7.59 (29 votes)

Office Zombie Number 11 by deathtoradio 9-16-07
How did we ever find things before some uber nerds dreamed up Google in their parents garage. Yeah, really, we had to resort to looking under rocks like some kind of savage cave people and shit...all painting buffalo on the cave walls and what not.	I couldn't find my socks the other day. And Google was all "try behind the couch." And then proceeded to produce a Google map plotting a course to the nether regions of said couch. And I bet Google was right on the money.	Hell yeah. Am I not wearing socks today? They sure as hell look like socks.

2465. Sharing

by FinnNYC on March 30, 2005
Rating: 7.59 (29 votes)

Sharing by FinnNYC 3-30-05
Cool of them to double up on the bananas today eh? Hell yea!	So, how many is that for you so far? Geez... I think I'm up to two dozen at least.	See, there's the problem... I just finished my first and there's none left. Hrm... I think my last round of electroshock impaired my ability to give a shit.

2466. Probably a true story

by NeoVid on March 11, 2003
Rating: 7.59 (29 votes)

Probably a true story by NeoVid 3-11-03
Your application to adopt a child has been rejected.	The state decided that you are totally unsuited to raising a baby.	So you'll have to have one of your own.

2467. Every Business Day for the Last Month

by ivytheplant on December 19, 2006
Rating: 7.59 (27 votes)

Every Business Day for the Last Month by ivytheplant 12-19-06
I need to turn in this form/payment/letter to take care of a financial/business/ legal/educational problem. Here are incomplete instructions/information/ paperwork that has no actual bearing on the process.	I would like to check on the status of my form/payment/letter. I'm sorry, but the girl who left at 3 must have it locked in her drawer/office/safe/ mailbox/vagina. Come/call back tomorrow/next week/Thursday.	Since you your form/check/money order/ letter didn't get processed in time, you'll have to fill out all this paperwork/jump through hoops/suck my dick and try again.

2468. Be Like Hope Cow

by biped on October 18, 2006
Rating: 7.59 (27 votes)

Be Like Hope Cow by biped 10-18-06
Grrr, you're always so pessimistic! You "Pessimist Pest", you! You should try to be more like HOPE COW! Hope Cow? Who's Hope Cow?	HOPE COW always has hope -- when he says "moooo!" it means "I'm Hope Cow! I always have hope!" Indeed! I'd like to speak with this Hope Cow. Where is he?	Oh, he got run over by a watermelon truck about twelve years ago.

2469. Timmy The Pervert #32

by TimmyThePervert on July 5, 2005
Rating: 7.59 (27 votes)

Timmy The Pervert #32 by TimmyThePervert 7-05-05
so, how'd your date with timmy the pervert go last night? it went alright. it ended up in the bedroom, naturally.	oh, how was that? it was pretty interesting...until his roommate walked in on us.	what? why'd he do that? he heard timmy moaning his name and came in to see what he wanted.

2470. God Willing

by choadwarrior on March 30, 2005
Rating: 7.59 (27 votes)

God Willing by choadwarrior 3-30-05
Holy Father, it's time to insert your feeding tube. Kiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiill meeeeeeee.	Father, any update on the Pope's condition? He tried to speak, but we couldn't make out what he was trying to say. He's on the feeding tube, resting comfortably, and should make a full recovery.

2471. the giving tree

by mandingo on September 9, 2006
Rating: 7.58 (33 votes)

the giving tree by mandingo 9-09-06
unlike those who rape for sport, my people use every part of the rape victim the oral rape we use to make weapons or knitting needles	the vaginal rape we use as sustenance to survive when food is scant we adorn ourselves in anal rape to survive the cold winters	we honor the gods with double penetration parole denied!

2472. Sheryl Crow, 2010

by suicide_king on October 14, 2005
Rating: 7.58 (33 votes)

Sheryl Crow, 2010

I once dated a guy with one testicle named Lance. What did he name his other testicle?

by suicide_king, 10-14-05

2473. DIC: Double Standards

by NeoVid on June 15, 2005
Rating: 7.58 (33 votes)

DIC: Double Standards

In the US, convicted felons can't vote. But they can get elected.

by NeoVid, 6-15-05

2474. Recombinant DNA is the only logical progression

by kramer_vs_kramer on April 10, 2002
Rating: 7.58 (33 votes)

Recombinant DNA is the only logical progression by kramer_vs_kramer 4-10-02
My love life is really shit. If only there was someone out there who could help me. You called?	Blade? Why are you here? I thought you were a vampire hunter. I hate to break this to you, dude, but vampires aren't real. I'm your fairy godmother.	If you're a fairy godmother, why do you have a sword and all those guns? That's how I'm planning on getting you a date.

2475. Working Around Kids

by choadwarrior on April 14, 2005
Rating: 7.58 (31 votes)

Working Around Kids by choadwarrior 4-14-05
Hey, what's that hanging on your ear? It's a hands-free.	I think I sounded kind of gay when I said that.	It's a hands-free. Okay, now I know I did.

2476. Boot Scootin'

by choadwarrior on March 19, 2005
Rating: 7.58 (31 votes)

Boot Scootin' by choadwarrior 3-19-05
How was Texas? You won't believe this--I went to a honkey tonk.	You never hear about other tonks. What do you mean?	Where are the nigger tonks, the faggot tonks, the dago tonks, and the hymie tonks? They probably have zoning laws against those.

2477. Timmy The Pervert #24

by TimmyThePervert on March 3, 2005
Rating: 7.58 (31 votes)

Timmy The Pervert #24 by TimmyThePervert 3-03-05
so, got any plans for tonight? hell yes i do! great party. there's gonna be beer, drugs, uninhibited sex...you name it.		another family reunion so soon? you'd better believe it.

2478. Lizhard III

by RedfeatheR on April 3, 2004
Rating: 7.58 (31 votes)

Lizhard III by RedfeatheR 4-03-04
Sorry, I don't date men where I work		But, you're a whore.

2479. I'm a stupid motherfucker ... and I vote!

by wutangtony on September 5, 2003
Rating: 7.58 (31 votes)

I'm a stupid motherfucker ... and I vote! by wutangtony 9-05-03
Bush said that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction. He lied.	Bush said the air in New York City was fine after September 11, 2001. He lied.	Let's re-elect him. Okay.

2480. Some days are diamonds

by ObiJo on January 15, 2003
Rating: 7.58 (31 votes)

Some days are diamonds by ObiJo 1-15-03
...and *sob* and then i said *sob* *sob* I said...*sob*... "I WISHED SHE WAS DEAD!!! *SOB*	And the *sob* next *sob* day *sob* she died *sob* in a *sob* car *sob* accident. *SOB* *SOB* *SOB* *SOB* Oh, Tim.	Did it every occur to you that maybe... just maybe... your WISH caused the accident? Now hear me out on this...

2481. Spankling Attempts To Join MENSA part 2

by Smarmulus on August 1, 2002
Rating: 7.58 (31 votes)

Spankling Attempts To Join MENSA part 2 by Smarmulus 8-01-02
The MENSA exam questions continue... According to the Bible... uh-oh!	if someone strikes you on the cheek you should do what?	Refrain from ejaculation as long as possible.

2482. Cold As Ice

by choadwarrior on December 16, 2003
Rating: 7.57 (37 votes)

Cold As Ice by choadwarrior 12-16-03
I need you to find some loop-holes to exploit in a bad contract we're in so we can get out of it.	If there's a problem, yo, I'll solve it! Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it!	You know, we like you, but we don't understand why.

2483. I wish Karen Carpenter would kill me.

by il_schmucko on September 1, 2002
Rating: 7.57 (37 votes)

I wish Karen Carpenter would kill me. by il_schmucko 9-01-02
What's a ventriloquist?	Webster defines it as "one who entertains by having an apparent conversation with a hand-manipulated dummy." Oh. My girlfriend does that.	Really? Well, she "manipulates me by hand" and then we carry on an "apparent conversation"...