Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

3151. Ranger's World Presents: Star Trek for Beginners #10

by Ranger77 on January 19, 2006
Rating: 7.27 (22 votes)

by Ranger77
1-19-06
Ok, first I should have knocked before I came in.
NNNNN!
Second, I didn't know they made those kind of dolls with pointed ears.
UH! UH! UH!
And lastly, will you please tell me when you go into this Vulcan heat thing next time so I can just stay the hell away from you. Please.
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Who's your paternal parental unit....!!!

3152. RCL no. 379

by RandomComicLayoutGuy on September 12, 2005
Rating: 7.27 (22 votes)

The furthering adventures of "Blind Cop Justice"...
So... You say your name is Captain Obvious?
Of course! Isn't it obvious?
Not to me... I'm blind!
I can see that!
I can't!
Obviously!

3153. They brought an apple, I brought a protective cup

by areallystupidguy on August 8, 2005
Rating: 7.27 (22 votes)

so, what can you tell me about your childhood?
it was terrible. i was bullied constantly and harshly. i was even beaten up eight times in the second grade alone!
wow...that's a lot.
i survived.
but damn, eight times? where were the teachers?
beating me up.

3154. Melty the Snowman

by squidrabies on April 29, 2005
Rating: 7.27 (22 votes)

by squidrabies
4-29-05
GREAT MOMENTS IN HISTORY! Part 2
Do you believe in God?
Yeah, but not the one you believe in.
Oh.
Mmhmm.
THE STREETS SHALL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF YOUR HEATHEN BABIES!!!
I have a T-shirt that says that.

3155. Who Robbed Bigfrank? (13)

by BigFrank105 on April 19, 2005
Rating: 7.27 (22 votes)

by BigFrank105
4-19-05
Excuse me, Externalization. I'm terribly sorry to bother you, but have you heard anything about a robbery?
Robbery? Shit!!! Um... I mean... uh... No sir, no info here.
Thank you, sir. Sorry about bothering you.
Uh, Detective? Don't you think that guy looked like the criminal type?
No. He didn't look Arabian to me.

3156. Rick Moranis, Amateur Eugenicist

by burt_reynolds on November 25, 2003
Rating: 7.27 (22 votes)

by burt_reynolds
11-25-03
Word is you shrank your baby's capacity for learning by hitting it with a hammer.
Can't deny the truth, my man.
Nice.
You think you could shrink my wife's capacity for sitting on her ass and eating Taco Bell?
I'll need a straight razor and mexican wrestling mask.

3157. A hoarder's boyfriend, resigned to his fate

by ivytheplant on August 27, 2011
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by ivytheplant
8-27-11

3158. Victims of 9/11 part 21

by Creature_From_Beyond on October 7, 2010
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

5:45 PM July 4, 2000 The Moon
Our arrival is imminent. Explain again how you plan to bring down humanity in only 50 years.
Osama is on board. The towers come down next year. Then, in a fit of reactionary paranoia, the U.S. will find excuses to kill or conquer their "enemies."
...which is pretty much everyone.
Exactly! The Americans will inevitably fuck the planet up. By the time your ships arrive there won't be anyone left to put up a fight. You'll be colonizers, not conquerers.
Excellent! Once we are in control you may have anything you desire.
Look, all I want is some land for my people, a beach house in the Hamptons, and the head of that fucking statue in my backyard!

3159. Twas the Night Before Kwanzaa (bb)

by four_legged_tripod on December 9, 2009
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

But we heard him exclaim, "If you're nice and don't fight,
You'll have a very Happy Kwanzaa,
and your butthole will stay tight!"
What kind of dumb ass photocopies his butt?

3160. Twas the Night Before Kwanzaa (q)

by four_legged_tripod on December 9, 2009
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

He was wearing a mask and shirt made in France,
With his junk all exposed
since he didn't wear pants.
How come you keep backing away?

3161. Be Prepared

by ragu4u on October 11, 2009
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by ragu4u
10-11-09
You do know that an immense tradgedy will befall the entire planet on Dec. 21, 2012, don't you?
Says who?
Several noted astrologers, the Myans, Nostradamus and, most importantly, The Discovery & National Geographic channels.
What does The Learning Channel have to say?
Midget, interior decorators will emerge from the ashes to repopulate the earth.
Small wonder.

3162. Fun Fact #5

by seanator on December 16, 2008
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by seanator
12-16-08
Fact!
Taxonomists estimate there are about 18,000 species of butterfly, but more than 130,000 species of moth.
Taxonomists also want to know why you haven't called them back after that nice night at Red Lobster.

3163. CC405: You can never give the finger to the blind.

by UnknownEric on October 29, 2008
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by UnknownEric
10-29-08
Doc, what's the deal?
I have good news and bad news.
What's the good news?
Your kidney was removed and replaced by a baked potato.
That's the good news? What's the bad?
I ate the potato.

3164. Old Yeller

by AngryAmerican on May 1, 2008
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by AngryAmerican
5-01-08
It was the saddest day ever, the day Pa had to put Old Yeller down.
I cried and cried, and I never saw Old Yeller 'gain.
As I recollect, we never saw Pa again either.

3165. Answering the proverb

by TheGovernor on February 13, 2008
Rating: 7.5 (12 votes)

Oh Crap, Im falling, somebody HELP, please for the love of god prop me up or something. Shit, there's no-one around, AGGGHHHHH!!!!
by TheGovernor, 2-13-08

3166. Jimmy the Inappropriate Sportscaster

by choadwarrior on December 29, 2007
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by choadwarrior
12-29-07
And heading into the last lap, it looks like Earnhardt has it...
Uh-Oh! His front tire is smoking... HE SPINS OUT! Number 8 is out of the race!
I haven't seen a skid mark like that since I switched to a high-fiber diet.

3167. Cycles

by ivytheplant on August 22, 2007
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by ivytheplant
8-22-07
6 months ago...
If the neighbors don't stop blocking our driveway, I'm going to kill them in their sleep.
You might want to try having them towed first.
4 months ago...
Hooray! Our new place has more parking than anyone could use!
Hooray!
Today...
The new neighbors are blocking the driveway.
Shall I fetch your clubs?

3168. the matrix sequels, in a nutshell

by mandingo on July 5, 2007
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)
by mandingo, 7-05-07

3169. Happy Independece Day

by RedfeatheR on July 4, 2007
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

Happy Independence Da-
NOT so fast...
by RedfeatheR, 7-04-07

3170. Why Family Circus Is Only One Panel: 6/15/07

by boloboffin on June 28, 2007
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by boloboffin
6-28-07
Oh! This food is old. We'll throw it out.
But we can keep Grandma, right?
Of course! When you freeze meat, it lasts for months.
Yay! How about ribs tonight, Mommy?

3171. The Mistaken Identities Of Brad Schwartz 2

by biped on February 7, 2007
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by biped
2-07-07
"...and so, this vile impostor, who calls himself 'Brad Schwartz', has single-handedly set the entire space program back at least 20 years..."
Look, Mommy! It's Flendo Jessnurt!
Why, "T-Bone"? WHY? I've smashed all your records--
Oh, good grief--I am neither this "T-Bone" Wilson nor a famous astronaut. I am Brad Schwartz. BRAD SCHWARTZ.
Yo, "Crab Legs." Now bout dem hoes you wanted Friday night--
Please leave me alone before my pastor sees us together.

3172. Star Trek 2, 3, and 4 in One Panel Each

by boloboffin on December 16, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (12 votes)

by boloboffin
12-16-06
The Wrath of Khan
KHAAAAAAAANNN!
I'm dead, Jim.
The Search for Spock
SPOOOOOOOCK!
I'm feeling better.
The Voyage Home
DOUBLE DUMBASS ON YOUUUUU!!!
Save the whales.

3173. The Goo-Goo People

by biped on September 13, 2006
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by biped
9-13-06
WE ARE THE GOO-GOO PEOPLE.
THANK YOU, MOMMY.
MOMMY SAYS WE ARE THE GOO-GOO PEOPLE. ISN'T THAT NICE, DADDY.
NO. THE GOO-GOO PEOPLE ARE VERY, VERY HORRIBLE AND BAD.
THE GOO-GOO PEOPLE ARE THE CHOSEN ONES. YOU ARE A VERY BAD DADDY.
YOU ARE A VERY BAD MOMMY AND MUST BE DESTROYED BY FIRE.

3174. Sally Tattles On Billy

by biped on September 1, 2006
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by biped
9-01-06
Mommy, Billy just farted, and--
Sally! You're too young to use that word. You should say "pooted" instead.
Okay...Billy just "pooted."
That's better.
Told on me, huh?
You bet your cocksuckin' fag ass, shit-for-brains.

3175. Oscillate Wildly

by AccentuateNegative on April 28, 2006
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

I took my dog to the vet yesterday.
He was so excited and wagging his tail so much, the doctor couldn't take his temperature.
It's time for your prostate exam.
Remember that story I just told you?

3176. Joe, the duck that says interstitial

by mandingo on September 5, 2005
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by mandingo
9-05-05
hey, Joe. i hear you took Betty to the baseball game yesterday.
interstitial
i'm surprised Frank didn't mind, him being the jealous type and all
interstitial
i hear that. but still, watch out for him. he's a hothead, you know
interstitial

3177. a bar at night

by mandingo on July 11, 2005
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by mandingo
7-11-05
joe, man, lia's leaving me. i love her so much but she can't get over the fact I don't want kids
or maybe YOU can't get over the fact SHE doesn't want kids
do you realize whenever i tell you something very important you make a joke out of it by reversing what i'm saying? you've done it since your dad committed suicide while you were on the phone with him
or maybe YOU'VE done it since YOUR dad committed suicide while YOU were on the phone with HIM trying reverse psychology

3178. Who Robbed Bigfrank? (19)

by BigFrank105 on May 2, 2005
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by BigFrank105
5-02-05
Alright Spankling, if we're going to catch possums, we're going to have to draw up an elaborate plan. It could take weeks or MONTHS to do this!
I'm ready for anything, Detective!
Oh, hey Detective. Just to let you know I caught possums, threw him in a jail cell and gave Bigfrank all his stuff back. It was no sweat.
Uh, so... Case closed!
Aw... are we still "on" for tonight?

3179. Violence in Video Games

by Hari_Nezumi on February 10, 2005
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by Hari_Nezumi
2-10-05
I shall rip out your spinal cord as use it to beat you sensless!
Not before I tear your arms off and use them to anally ravage you!
No, wait, violence is wrong. We should not be fighting.
You are right. Let us go talk about our differences over a cup of hot chocolate.
Dude, this game sucks.

3180. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on July 10, 2004
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by Ranger77
7-10-04
Saw a dead dog in the road today. Tire treads imprinted across its burst stomach. That pretty much sums up how it is nowadays. You either go with the flow or you get run over.
Then again, if you go against the flow and strike back at your enemies, you're made pure. You're alive. Dog versus Car: no contest. Me....I have bigger teeth. So I ask you this....
....Are you going to let me choose the toy I want in my Happy Meal or do I have to get terribly graphic up in here?

3181. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on April 14, 2004
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by Ranger77
4-14-04
Do you know how stupid you made me look?
Come on....mistakes happen.
I want to be known as "Pyrotek, the Fire Retardant Boy".
We only had so many words that we could put in the press release.
The article referred to me as "Pie, the Flaming Retard."
It was close.....I mean, you still get the gist of it...

3182. Breakup 11

by ObiJo on February 3, 2004
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by ObiJo
2-03-04
Alzheimer's Al, I think it's over between us.
How ya been!

3183. Donkey sodomy, part II

by ladyjdotnet on September 6, 2001
Rating: 7.27 (11 votes)

by ladyjdotnet
9-06-01
...so instead of going with regular curtains, I'm thinking that Levelor blinds and a long piece of fabric as a swag would work better aesthetically.
My, yes. It would probably be the best option from a Feng Shui aspect, as well, since the...
ummm.
I swear. We were talking about fucking donkeys up the ass. We were NOT talking about something as gay as Feng Shui.
Right.

3184. Ugh?

by areallystupidguy on August 18, 2005
Rating: 7.26 (31 votes)

hello, and welcome to our fine restaurant. would you like to see a menu?
nah, i brought my own.
let's see...i'll have the buttered cabbage wafers with extra houston sauce, please.
uh...we don't serve that.
are you saying my menu is no good here?

3185. Tard Boy and Finkelman

by squidrabies on December 25, 2002
Rating: 7.26 (31 votes)

by squidrabies
12-25-02
My girlfriend and I have been discussing having kids... and I think I'm finally ready.
It's a huge step in your relationship and in life, are you sure it's what you want?
All I know is I'm sick of doing my own dishes.
Yeah, they don't clean themselves.

3186. Tard Boy and Finkelman

by squidrabies on August 19, 2002
Rating: 7.26 (31 votes)

by squidrabies
8-19-02
I have something to tell you. I had sex with your girlfriend. It was an accident.
I never have. How was it?

3187. Political Cartoons.

by UnknownEric on June 7, 2004
Rating: 7.25 (40 votes)

by UnknownEric
6-07-04
Vote for me and I'll lower your taxes and return morality to this great nation.
Wow.
How about you?
Vote for me and I'll fight for a living wage and personal freedom for you and your children.
So when do we rape her?
Not till AFTER the inauguration, dickhead!

3188. The Matrix Refilled

by ObiJo on January 30, 2004
Rating: 7.25 (40 votes)

by ObiJo
1-30-04
Morpheus!
Yes, Sarah, it is I.
Does this mean I am the one?!
No, Sarah, but you are the two.
The two? What does the two do?
She gets me a Whopper and a Sprite.

3189. The wheels on the bus go round and round...

by ObiJo on February 8, 2001
Rating: 7.25 (40 votes)

by ObiJo
2-08-01
You sure are looking yummy lately.
So are you. Hey, look. I think we're both thinking the same thing, but we're each too afraid to say it. So let's count to three and both say it at the same time, okay?
1...2...3...
Let's make love.
Let's dress up as sheep, roll around in bacon grease, and cattle prod each other while yelling, "Bad little sheepy."
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

3190. A Chicken Lickin'

by biped on September 13, 2008
Rating: 7.25 (20 votes)

by biped
9-13-08
Sorry, young feller, but your chickens are unqualified.
"Unqualified"? To be CHICKENS?
Yep, that's right. Your chickens are unqualified to be chickens.
Excuse me, aren't you the guy whose chickens were unquali--
SHUT UP!!!

3191. wall nuts

by dcomposed on November 12, 2007
Rating: 7.25 (20 votes)

by dcomposed
11-12-07
I need a new wallet.
What are you going to do about it?
I'm going to pickpocket someone.
And hopefully he will have enough money for me to buy a wallet.

3192. And Everywhere I Go...

by LuckyGuess on January 10, 2007
Rating: 7.25 (20 votes)

by LuckyGuess
1-10-07
Debbie--your blind date is here.
Oh, boy! Yay!
Hey, you got a nice back end there.
Oh dear! I'm not Debbie!
Hey, you got a nice back end there.
That's my face.

3193. The vasty plains beckon

by Skin on October 30, 2006
Rating: 7.25 (20 votes)

by Skin
10-30-06
Hm, another sunset dream... I wonder what it means?
*PREPARE* *FOR* *UNSPEAKABLE* *VIOLATIONS*
Now you're talking. Where do we start?
*YOU* *SHALL* *CRITIQUE* *MY* *HALF-ASSED* *HAIKU*
God, I hate my brain.
autumn leaves tumble...

3194. what if herpes meant faith

by mandingo on June 29, 2005
Rating: 7.25 (20 votes)

by mandingo
6-29-05
hello my son. i was wondering if you have found jesus and if he has given you herpes. he gives of his herpes freely. all he asks in return is that you spread his herpes to all you come in contact with
oh yes father, i do know of jesus and his herpes. it was shortly after starting a relationship with jesus that i first found my herpes. though it's probably more accurate to say my herpes found me
that's how herpes is, my son. even now there are days when i think my herpes has gone away entirely. then jesus will come to me and restore my herpes. your herpes will come to you at your darkest hour
actually i was doing something i very much enjoy when my herpes first came to me. but herpes became a part of me that day and has remained so despite it being a hardship at times, as i'm sure you know
oh no. my having herpes has never been even the slightest bit inconvenient. my herpes brings a consistency to my life. whatever else may change, i can always count on my herpes to flare up in church
i guess having herpes wouldn't be as big a hardship for a priest. as a man of the cloth, you could never find yourself in a situation where having herpes might be awkward

3195. Alphabet Soup

by ObiJo on July 18, 2003
Rating: 7.25 (20 votes)

by ObiJo
7-18-03
Hey, big guy.
Don't call me that, it's deprecatory.
No it's not. "Hey, big fat guy." Now that's deprecatory.
You're right, it was.
That doesn't count. It was allusory.
Seemed real enough to me.

3196. He's the only one who gives the orders here. Alright?

by kramer_vs_kramer on November 17, 2003
Rating: 7.24 (29 votes)

by kramer_vs_kramer
11-17-03
Seriously, Abe, you're going to have to practise lying if you want to get back with your wife. You do want that, don't you?
Oh yes. I love my wife very much. She's funny, and a great cook, and she does all the housework and the tax returns.
... and she does this thing where she ties her hair up and lies on her front, and it's almost like making love to a small boy.
Okay. You're taking the "Honest Abe" thing a bit too far.
Sometimes she lets me call her "Gerald".

3197. Erection Day

by evil_d on November 6, 2002
Rating: 7.24 (29 votes)

by evil_d
11-06-02
When I become King of the World, instead of Election Day, everyone will celebrate Erection Day.
And what will that be like?
We'll get a bunch of famous people to stand around and masturbate. Then everyone will vote on who did the best job.
So you're saying it'll be pretty much the same.

3198. Tard Boy and Finkelman

by squidrabies on August 6, 2002
Rating: 7.24 (29 votes)

by squidrabies
8-06-02
What are you in for?
Parking tickets. What are you in for?
Genocide.

3199. Paris Hilton's Bid For Stardom

by Externalization on March 8, 2004
Rating: 7.22 (27 votes)

by Externalization
3-08-04
Paris gets her friend Rick Salomon to help her hatch her plot to win fame and notoriety.
Once this sex tape we make goes public, every geek on the internet will know your name.
Public spotlight, here I come!
Look away, kiddies. This panel is X-rated.
Oh! I love you, Paris!
Oh! I love you, attention!
But alas, the best laid plans...
Fox News has just received a shocking videotape which is believed to contain proof of the existance of extra-terrestrials.
*SOB!*

3200. Resistance Movement

by mandingo on June 21, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (18 votes)

by mandingo
6-21-08
called strike three! and it's in the zone with AutoZone! now let's check with our Rolaid's relief cam to see who's warming up in the Outback Steakhouse bullpen...
but wait... there's a fan on the field! he's squirting lighter fluid on all the corporate insignia and setting it ablaze! now he's taking a big meaty shit on the third base bag! that was amazing!
let's look at it again on the Pepsi Shit on a Base Replay...