Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

3201. God's Image

by squidrabies on January 9, 2008
Rating: 7.37 (19 votes)

by squidrabies
1-09-08
So what's all the hubub?
Are blacks and whites equal?
Equal to what?
You know, do you love one of us more than the other?
Like... do I love my cat more than my dog? Do I love my shower more than my toilet? Something like that?
You better not be calling me a toilet.

3202. Office Zombie Number 10

by deathtoradio on September 11, 2007
Rating: 7.22 (18 votes)

by deathtoradio
9-11-07
Coffee, c-c-c-coffee, want some coffee?
Um, no.
Wuh-wuh-wuh-why not? I just made it.
I failed a drug test the last time I had some of your coffee.

3203. Ho! Ho! Ho!

by Ribs77 on August 6, 2007
Rating: 7.37 (19 votes)

by Ribs77
8-06-07
You know, a lot of people mistake me for Santa Claus around this time of year.
I can totally see it. I mean, I live in a gingerbread house... the comparison is inevitable.
Of course, them candy canes back there are made from human bones, but you wouldn't know that just from lookin' at 'em.

3204. Why Family Circus Is Only One Panel: 7/9/07

by boloboffin on July 23, 2007
Rating: 7.22 (18 votes)

by boloboffin
7-23-07
A nice thing about global warming is the birds could stay here all winter instead of flying south.
How do you talk with Bush's cock that far down your throat?
I've got a double larnyx.

3205. a world without multiple expressions

by mandingo on November 18, 2005
Rating: 7.22 (18 votes)

by mandingo
11-18-05
oh, my god, that was dad on the phone. mom's car went off a cliff... she's... she's dead
oh my god, mom's dead???
i can't believe this, i feel so empty, so unbelievably empty
oh my god!!! no!!! why god why!!!
and grandma was in the car too!!!
i'm going to throw up

3206. Bad Captain 4

by biped on November 10, 2005
Rating: 7.22 (18 votes)

by biped
11-10-05
Is Mike there? Last name...Hunt?
Are you still at it?
Shut up, Spock! I'm finally having some fun for a change!
This is the 23th century, Captain. No one is going to fall for that old joke.
MIKE HUNT! HAS ANYONE SEEN MIKE HUNT!

3207. I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings

by kaufman on May 28, 2014
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by kaufman
5-28-14
R.I.P. Maya Angelou
o/`
Canaryoke

3208. Lightbulb Jokes I've Enjoyed #14

by ZMannZilla on December 12, 2012
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

How many PETA members does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. PETA can't change anything.
by ZMannZilla, 12-12-12

3209. That's what friends are for

by ladyjdotnet on December 18, 2011
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by ladyjdotnet
12-18-11
You know, whenever I see some jerk take up two whole parking spaces, I wish he had friends and loved ones to tell him he's an ass.
Ha! That's totally my car!
Yeah, I kinda wish you had people who love you, too.
Ouch.
I'm totally kidding, buddy. I love you enough to call you an ass. Ass.

3210. Post-apocalyptic looter forgetting where he parked

by ivytheplant on June 6, 2011
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by ivytheplant
6-06-11

3211. Ask a Gay Man Anything

by AccentuateNegative on April 18, 2011
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

Dear Fag: How can I tell if a guy in front of me is gay?
Dear Blip on the Gay-dar: I'll answer your question with a question...
Is your cock in him?

3212. cc466

by mandingo on December 16, 2010
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by mandingo
12-16-10
so, look. i had a nice time, but i just don't think the chemistry is righ... what are you doing?
L1 R1 L2 R2
the fuck??!!
L1 R1 x o x o
*GLORP GLORP GLORP*
and now for big head mode...

3213. New Comic

by Humpenstein on August 21, 2010
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by Humpenstein
8-21-10
I don't think the issue is Jennifer Aniston.
I think the issue is that women are allowed to speak their mind on television.
You're retarded.

3214. This Is Tech Support

by ZMannZilla on July 25, 2010
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by ZMannZilla
7-25-10
You wanted to see me, sir?
We're putting you on a new project. No more Doodad 360 Customer Support line for you!
Gee, thanks! I'm glad my hard work is being recognized!
It sure is! Starting today, you'll be on the Doodad 360 Special Needs Support Line
Hey buddy, I was transfeered to y'all cos I cain't get mah dentures unstuck from th' disk slot. Is that why it ain't readin' mah innernet rooter?
That's it, I'm going back to pimping.

3215. The Freshman

by ragu4u on June 5, 2010
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by ragu4u
6-05-10
I must meet her, but what to say? "Hello", is dumb.
So is ,"How are you"? Why do I never know what to say? I'm sure the right words will come to me, tho.
Whoa! NICE tits!

3216. Monet Doesn't Talk, He Swears

by UnknownEric on May 10, 2010
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

MOTHERFUCKER!!!
by UnknownEric, 5-10-10

3217. COMIC CUP XIV: An Error in Comedy

by brycekain on April 30, 2010
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by brycekain
4-30-10
Thy kindey stones hang flacid in thine fatty tissues, Sir Ham!
Thou dost mocketh me, young lad. Hold thy tongue or a lashing from gristle and lard ye shall receive!
Thy threats do maketh mine testicles ache with pain from a sound so uproarious in mine belly. Thy future be graven if things be taken careth not.
Could be the end is this? With words of ridicule and mockery and thy, and thine, and thoust?
Huh?
Fuck it. Cut em off.

3218. Smells like....

by deathtoradio on March 20, 2010
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by deathtoradio
3-20-10
What's in the bag?
It's a bag of ass.
Let me smell it. That way, I can reference it in the future when referring to something that smells less than desirable.

3219. Racing Car

by Beeko180 on February 10, 2010
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by Beeko180
2-10-10
Hey baby, wanna see me park my racing car?
Really? That sounds wonderful!
Great, now turn around.
Ok.

3220. Flawless Plan

by Beeko180 on April 3, 2010
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by Beeko180
4-03-10
I'm afraid I have to kill you Johnny. You've become too much of a threat.
You're making a big mistake. in 24 hours the police will be knocking on your door.
Better close down the investigation. This guy is just too smart.

3221. Twas the Night Before Kwanzaa (y)

by four_legged_tripod on December 9, 2009
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And ripped off my stockings,
that rude little jerk.
Why the hell are you wearing stockings?

3222. Twas the Night Before Kwanzaa (o)

by four_legged_tripod on December 9, 2009
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof
Someone upchuck
their 100 proof.
Awww Kirstie! That's just sick!
And a waste of perfectly good beer!

3223. Twas the Night Before Kwanzaa (d)

by four_legged_tripod on December 9, 2009
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

Like milking a goat and then poppin' a cap,
While I settled down
to bump Kwanzaa rap.
Milk that goat and grab his scrote! It's Kwanzaa mother fucker!

3224. Windows OS through the ages.

by NOComedy on October 19, 2009
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by NOComedy
10-19-09
Windows 95
Windows 98
Windows XP
Windows 7
Hey, Mr Microsoft representative, what about ME and Vista?
They *NEVER* exisited. Got it?

3225. CC435: A Simply Flawed Plan

by four_legged_tripod on October 6, 2009
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

Dude! Are you drinking at work?
Yep. I had a hangover this morning and I realized that the only way to avoid a hangover is to be drunk all the time.
Sounds fine for hangovers but doesn't it negatively impact other areas of your day?
If there is a flaw in my theory, I have yet to see it.
Hey sexy. You're much cuter than Judy who used to work at this cubicle. No one would touch her because she looked like a dog and had crabs.
Yeah well I'm Juuuuu... uh, June! Yeah June. Wanna fuck?

3226. Tarintino Does Word Play

by four_legged_tripod on September 9, 2009
Rating: 7.78 (9 votes)

Tell me today's month you naw-zi bastard!
nine.
Don't tell me "no" you German piece of shit and answer my questions. What is today's day of the month?
Nine!
I swear to God I'll cut off your scalp if you tell me "no" one more time! Now tell me what year it is!
OH NINE!!!

3227. How Ass Changed From Donkey to Buttocks

by four_legged_tripod on July 15, 2009
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

What's wrong Jose?
Juan, I'm so horny but the señoritas won't have sex with me.
It's because jour ugly. Even a burrow wouldn't do ju.
! ! !
Go Jose, go! Slap that ass!
This is an odd way to get fed a bean burrito.

3228. Re: Carl Wilhelm Barth

by ragu4u on June 27, 2009
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by ragu4u
6-27-09
I never wanted to view paintings by Barth.
I'm more of a Star Trek fan.
I wonder...does that make me a Barth evader?
Shut up, dickweed!

3229. how to tell if santa is a pedophile

by areallystupidguy on May 4, 2009
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

santa's been kind of weird this year.
how so?
well for starters, he added images to the good/bad list and changed the name from 'naughty or nice' to 'naughty or prude'.
ah... yeah...
plus, the new lyric, 'he's making a list, he's checking it for 3 consecutive hours with his door locked' doesn't even rhyme

3230. CC417 - All you need is love

by lukket on February 18, 2009
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by lukket
2-18-09
Oh boy. Oh my.
Was that good for you too?
Yeah. I appreciate your love so much.
But I'm sorry. I can't give you that mortgage loan without a down payment.
What happened to "all you need is love"?

3231. Veteran's Day

by RedfeatheR on November 11, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by RedfeatheR
11-11-08
Feb-Oct 2004
Aug 2005 - Mar 2006
Today
What? Is it Leonardo DiCaprio's birthday? I give up. What's today?

3232. Pirates of the Carob Bean

by TheGovernor on October 29, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by TheGovernor
10-29-08
Yarrgh! Hand over all ye fruits 'n vegetables
You don't want our gold or silver?
Nay. I be the Vegetarian Pirate, Captain Jack Blueberry of the good ship Sea Grape. Now bring me all ya Organic Booty
Why do you only attack ships for their fruits and vegetables?
Well ye wont be catching any of my crew with scurvy thats for sure.

3233. Mega Man gets a desk job

by evil_d on October 13, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by evil_d
10-13-08
Mega Man! Those sales reports were supposed to be on my desk at 9 a.m.! What's the holdup?
POW!
Mega Man, that wasn't really the appropriate way to handle that situation.
You think I should have used the Laser Trident?

3234. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 6

by choadwarrior on July 22, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

Do you have any jeans with elastic waistbands?
by choadwarrior, 7-22-08

3235. Why Family Circus is Only One Panel

by seanator on July 5, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by seanator
7-05-08
One fine day...
My regular name is Billy, but my 'in-trouble' name is William.
My regular name is Fred, but my 'in-jail' name is Sweetheart.

3236. Family Man #12

by bike on June 26, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by bike
6-26-08
Hey man, I'm gonna be late for the poker game tomorrow. I promised my daughter that I would take her to see Kung Fu Panda
You'll have fun, dude. That movie was really good.
I didn't know that you have kids...
I don't.

3237. CC 382: How Stripcreator Saved the World

by 100Faces on February 27, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by 100Faces
2-27-08
Guess what, Xyx4! I think I've finally broken the earthlings' secret military code.
They're communicating with three picture messages plus a few letters.
Now hear that! Them rotor turbines ain't gonna generate gravitons all by themselves. Looks like they're technically more advanced than we thought. We'd better rethink our strategy, Xyx4.

3238. RCD 15: The Gaping Gornhole

by biped on February 18, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by biped
2-18-08
Crewman Leslie to Captain Kirk. I've entered the Gorn mating chamber.
Good, good. Just go on in and capture their leader, then. He's the big one.
Do you think it's safe?
Oh, of course. What possible danger could there be in interrupting a bunch of Gorns fucking? They'll probably just be really scared.
Oh, my god...I'm wearing a red shirt.
You'll get a commendation for this.

3239. Gay Guys Are Not Different From Straight Guys

by AccentuateNegative on February 14, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

I think I put all the effort into this relationship.
What do you mean?
You never tell me you love me. You never compliment me. You never say anything that makes me feel special.
What's your point?
How do I know you still like me?
You're still here talking, aren't you?

3240. Why the Bible Is Only One Panel (Jeremiah 31:27)

by DrMorton on February 6, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by DrMorton
2-06-08
Behold, the days come, that I will sow the house of Israel and the house of Judah with the seed of man, and the seed of beast.
We´re ready. Let the days come.
Finally the times of secrecy and shame are over.

3241. Sally vs. the Mutated Bananas

by biped on January 21, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by biped
1-21-08
THE MUTATED BANANAS ARE GOING TO KILL YOU!!! YOU MUST KILL THE MUTATED BANANAS FIRST!!!
NO!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!
I KILLED THEM, MOMMY!!! (pant, pant) I KILLED ALL THE MUTATED BANANAS BEFORE THEY COULD KILL US!!!
Sally, what on earth are you--wait, someone's at the door.
They're dead, Edna...all dead. My children, my husband Bob... raped and slaughtered like hogs by the mutated bananas.
(tsk) Sally put you up to this, didn't she, Carol?

3242. CC 377-- "Celebrity Wrestling Chat" with Chip Beef

by biped on January 10, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by biped
1-10-08
Timmy, why did you leap into the ring and rape "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in the butthole during WWE Monday Night RAW?
Because he was being mean by helping HIS tag-team to win the match, and I wanted MY favorite team to win.
But isn't "Stone Cold" Steve Austin SUPPOSED to help his team win the match?
Duhhh--aren't I SUPPOSED to rape "Stone Cold" Steve Austin in the butthole?
Uhh...I don't think so, Timmy. You see, it isn't very--
I'd like to go back in time and rape Fritz von Erich and Tor Johnson in THEIR buttholes!

3243. Ray-Ray The Ex-Gay

by boloboffin on January 6, 2008
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by boloboffin
1-06-08
Well, here we are, alone at last. I'll just lie down on the bed...
And I'll get the lights...
Now, come over here, Mr. Ex-Gay, and prove the gay has all gone away.
I got 'em , I got 'em! I'm touching your boobies!!
Ray-Ray, that's my ass.
Oh, yeah. That does seem really familiar.

3244. Ventriloquist act

by mandingo on December 10, 2007
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by mandingo
12-10-07
what's up, Clucky?
your hand's what. up my butt! and boy do you have cold fingers!
after the show...
hey, mister! can i get your autograph? please! i loved your ventriloquist act!
ventriloquist act?

3245. At the beach

by mandingo on December 4, 2007
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by mandingo
12-04-07
christ, i'm so horny
hi, i'm alice!
hi!
kill my husband for me and we'll fuck like monkeys! but dirtier!

3246. Chicks dig the Thought Nazi

by mandingo on November 29, 2007
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by mandingo
11-29-07
that movie was great, huh?
Nein! zee movie sucked! everzing about it sucked! you suck for not seeing zat it sucked!
wanna fuck?
i don't fuck zee suck!

3247. You're a Book Store, Aintcha?

by christopher7murphy on November 23, 2007
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

What can you tell me about this series of books? The numbering system is confusing.
Well, this series is actually made up of two series.
That's stupid...you're not making any sense.
It would be like you and your husband being part of a family, yet you are also part of your parent's familes.
-gafaw!- My parents are DEAD! How dare you!
I can't win. Why do I try?

3248. Clone

by FinnNYC on November 14, 2007
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by FinnNYC
11-14-07
This morning a scientist took a sample of skin from my back. What the hell?
Wow, that probably means you're in the cloning project.
Seriously!?! You mean there might be more of me around here?
...Could be... I'll keep my eyes peeled for monkeys with your distinct characteristics.
Like what?
Like other monkeys that can't be bothered to clean up their shit even though their roommate has politely asked them a dozen times.

3249. CC372: What if Nigger Meant Toga Bar Customer

by JStrong on October 27, 2007
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by JStrong
10-27-07
Oh, great, another nigger!
Fuck you.
Why do people keep leaving when I say that?

3250. RE: Your Promotion

by Hatrix on September 16, 2007
Rating: 7.22 (9 votes)

by Hatrix
9-16-07
Where the hell is Cooper? Why the fuck is it whenever something goes kaBLAM that mutherfucker is NOwhere to be found? You find that slimy jackass and bring his carcass to me NOW!DEAD or ALIVE!
She'll see you now.