Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

2551. Laurels

by choadwarrior on February 10, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (20 votes)

Laurels by choadwarrior 2-10-05
Money is no object for celebrities, yet they still come to me to do their LASIK for the same price I'm charging you. Like who?	Jessica Simpson. She's not the brightest celebrity--who else have you done?	Ashlee Simpson. Have you operated on anybody known for making good choices?

2552. Inky's secret journals revealed (6)

by mmyers on February 7, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (20 votes)

Inky's secret journals revealed (6) by mmyers 2-07-05
Hi Dot. I just wanted you to know that I'm going away forever and I've always loved you. Plinky said you were going crazy. He said you ran right into Pac-Man's mouth the other day.	That's right and then I came right back and did it again. Dot, before I go, let's make love, hmm? Just once? I don't think we should. We don't have any sexual organs and also there's a 9 year old playing the game right now. I think it'd be awkward for him if two ghosts started boning in his game.	The closest thing I've had to sex in years is getting eaten by Ms Pac-Man, and even then I feel like I'm not really there and disappear right afterwards. Just like a man.

2553. Doogie Has A Point

by shittykitty on January 10, 2001
Rating: 7.5 (20 votes)

Doogie Has A Point by shittykitty 1-10-01
I'm bored. Why don't you do a dance for me?	I'll pay you. I make more money than you. I'm the one who should be objectifying you.	But it's not about economics, it's about what I want.

2554. Half a Million Motherfucking Comics

by gabe_billings on July 21, 2010
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

Half a Million Motherfucking Comics by gabe_billings 7-21-10
Comic 500,000. You got something good planned? Fuck yeah. It's gonna be epic.	How epic? Seriously fucking epic. We got Bruckheimer directing. Matt Damon and Will Smith are starring. ILM is doing the effects.	You know you're out of space? Well, shit.

2555. Hobbies

by muffindance on April 18, 2009
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

Hobbies by muffindance 4-18-09
ATTENTION, CLASS!!!!!! TODAY WE WILL EACH TELL EVERYONE WHAT OUR HOBBY IS. I'LL GO FIRST!!!!!!!	MY HOBBY IS POSING AS A SCHOOL TEACHER SO I CAN FONDLE SMALL CHILDREN	MY HOBBY IS COLLECTING STAMPS

2556. Sawkes

by LuckyGuess on April 30, 2008
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

Sawkes by LuckyGuess 4-30-08
Nice room you got here. Thanks, I try to keep it presentable.	Why are there so many socks behind your mini fridge? Those are fridge socks. The fridge needs them for fuel. I believe in a green household.	They smell like ejaculate. That's the smell of progress.

2557. Watching Dune

by kane2742 on April 13, 2008
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

Watching Dune by kane2742 4-13-08
This is my legacy to you, son: the greatest wealth in the universe and the never-ending struggle to defend it. I wish my dad left me a never-ending war in the desert.	You wish you were one of the Bush twins?

2558. This Actually Happened XX|

by Scyess on October 22, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

This Actually Happened XX| by Scyess 10-22-07
You know how I've always wanted to know more about wine? Well... I just bought this book called Wine for Women!	WHY MUST PEOPLE TAKE NORMAL THINGS AND FABRICATE SOME SORT OF GENDER-SPECIFIC ASPECT TO THEM??!?!	Because it sells books, dumbass. Excuse me. I have to go write Fork Use for Men.

2559. meanwhile, somewhere in Scotland...

by mandingo on June 12, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

meanwhile, somewhere in Scotland... by mandingo 6-12-07
		went kinna hard on 'er, didncha? they grow that other half back like a worm

2560. Cup of coffee

by Injokester on May 16, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

Cup of coffee by Injokester 5-16-07
I've been playing a practical joke on my wife now for about 6 months.	Every week I put a dead bird inside the vacuum cleaner bag.	She's going nuts trying to figure out how she misses seeing them on the ground.

2561. Ed's Knife's Edge XI

by RedfeatheR on May 13, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

Ed's Knife's Edge XI by RedfeatheR 5-13-07
For several years, rumors have circulated on the Internet that using underarm deodorant or antiperspirant can cause breast cancer .............. STOP USEING DEODORANTS!!!!!!!! Breast cancer? My girlfriend has breasts...	*sniff*	What the fuck is that smell? Love baby

2562. cc345: how HCRoyall met his fiancee

by mandingo on January 17, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

cc345: how HCRoyall met his fiancee by mandingo 1-17-07
hey, how'd your blind date go last night it sucked. she called me the wrong name during sex	the night before fuck me, PeeWee! fuck me, you tiny cocked motherfucker! deeper, PeeWee, deeper!	what'd she call you? Thor.

2563. Holiday Cheer

by BigFrank105 on December 14, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

Holiday Cheer by BigFrank105 12-14-06
So what are you getting me this Christmas!? Rape.		Dammit, I was gonna surprise you.

2564. Foley got fingered

by boorite on October 4, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

Foley got fingered by boorite 10-04-06
You see, my client himself was molested as a teenager. So you're saying what? He felt that being molested was such a great experience, he had to pass it on?		Now I'm not sure what I was saying. That's OK. Take your time. We'll be covering nothing but this for the next year.

2565. The Lord Will Come Upon You

by choadwarrior on August 28, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

The Lord Will Come Upon You by choadwarrior 8-28-06
You will be with child and give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High This is going to be hard to explain.	Really...an angel told me. Well, whether I believe you or not, it's a baby and there's only one thing to do...	Bad news...the fetus resurected and told me he didn't believe in abortion.

2566. how weathermen have sex

by mandingo on June 12, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

how weathermen have sex by mandingo 6-12-05
This just in!	I'll keep you updated.	This just in!

2567. Ranger's World presents: "Yep....It's True."

by Ranger77 on April 24, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (18 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "Yep....It's True." by Ranger77 4-24-04
Based on a CNN report, April 23, 2004 So you've never stolen anything in your life? Nope. The Bible teaches us that stealing is wrong. You should read it yourself sometime.	Actually I have, but let me ask you this. I noticed alot of mp3s on your computer. Almost 50 gigs worth. You're also running Kazaa. It's all Christian music, my friend.	So you've been downloading and trading Christian music illegally, like without paying for it? Nope...I've just been spreading the Gospel. Praise the Lord and pass the iPod!

2568. Tardboy and Finkelman

by seanator on August 3, 2009
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

Tardboy and Finkelman by seanator 8-03-09
One fine day... Do you have a list of things to do before you die? Yes of course	Well, let's hear it. Okay, *ahem* number one: don't suck Seanator's dick.	Do you think that's gonna be that hard? Yes, and throbbing.

2569. Steve and Steve

by mandingo on May 29, 2009
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

Steve and Steve by mandingo 5-29-09
you know that song that goes, "i always feel like somebody's watching me"? it's weird, but i really do always feel like somebody's watching me well, there's Ronald	DO SOMETHING, YOU FUCK no, i mean besides him

2570. Family Man #13

by bike on September 25, 2008
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

Family Man #13 by bike 9-25-08
My friend Mark's bachelor party is this weekend. You don't have a problem with me going, do you? (ugh) There's not going to be a stripper, is there?	Nope, even better... an all-night GoldenEye tournament!	I modified my N64 controller to give me an increased firing rate, so I am totally gonna kick ass! Strippers are women who show you their boobs. You do know that, right?

2571. - July 25th, 2008)

by mandingo on July 24, 2008
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

- July 25th, 2008) by mandingo 7-24-08
now i know the fire might have singed your eyes a little when i was carrying you out, but don't worry. it's happened to me hundreds of times and my vision's still perfect	meanwhile... man it's hot in here!	wish i had someplace to sit

2572. Concept Product

by Scyess on April 14, 2008
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

Concept Product by Scyess 4-14-08
My latest invention will make me rich! I call it "Sex-Lax"! It -- Please. I don't want to know.	No, this is great! All you do is -- I'll give you $20 to stop right now.	This Sex-Lax stuff is a real money maker! I've made $20 already and all I did was -- I'll give you $20 if you don't tell me.

2573. Skating By

by choadwarrior on January 13, 2008
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

Skating By by choadwarrior 1-13-08
Hey, did you hear the old roller rink closed down? Yeah, I have a lot of fond memories of that place.	I wonder what happened. Parents stopped letting their kids go there because it was full of perverts.	I need to get a Facebook page. Myspace is better.

2574. CC 352: TOBOR-BALL

by lima on April 23, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

CC 352: TOBOR-BALL by lima 4-23-07
Jimmy wants to play linebacker, Tobor, so you gonna be OK as a tight end? TOBOR SEES YOU AS TIGHT END. TOBOR THINKS YOU SHOULD PLAY TIGHT END BEFORE ITS TOO LATE	Too late? What? THE HUMAN BEHIND YOU AGREES YOU WILL NOT BE TIGHT END FOR LONG	Until when? UNTIL TOBOR MAKES YOU WIDE RECEIVER! RARR!

2575. In too deep

by lukket on March 3, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

In too deep by lukket 3-03-07
Alright, let's get on with it.	Nngg. Ng. Ng. Oooh yes. Deeper.	Later What's a beautiful bar like you doing inside a woman like this?

2576. The conversation everyone will be having in 40 years

by mmyers on April 19, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

The conversation everyone will be having in 40 years by mmyers 4-19-06
Hey grandpa, what's that on your arm that all the old folks are sporting? Why that's a tribal tattoo, my boy. Symbolic of my individuality and all of our individuality...and because that guy from Red Hot Chili Peppers had one.	So were you into tribal customs and culture at all? Only as much as outdoor concerts and nailing chicks with titty rings.	Titty rings? Is that what those are? Well, now it's hard to tell if they're belly rings or titty rings but back in my day, they were attached to perky little bussoms.

2577. DIC: Selective Interpretation

by OmniMarconi67 on June 28, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

DIC: Selective Interpretation

I like how fundamentalists interpret the Bible: Jesus overturned all of the Old Testament that would stop them from eating pork and such, but didn't overturn the stuff that lets them hate gays.

by OmniMarconi67, 6-28-05

2578. If You Haven't Read, Johnny Cochran Is Dead

by choadwarrior on March 29, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

If You Haven't Read, Johnny Cochran Is Dead by choadwarrior 3-29-05
Next up...a famous attorney ends his journey. It's no rumor, he had a tumor.	He made the O.J. trial a lark and beat Marcia Clark. Thanks to him, we think Detective Fuhrman is a Nazi German.	And who can forget those colorful ties? I can't wait 'til Jesse Jackson dies.

2579. Untitled

by batFucker on June 21, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (16 votes)

Untitled by batFucker 6-21-04
when i was young, my dad caught me beatin' off once. he was fucking pissed. i tried to explain that there wasn't any harm in it... you know... just completely natural... especially for my age...	guess he did have a point though...	i shoulda not put that mayonnaise jar back in the fridge.

2580. Quit your day job

by Injokester on April 29, 2010
Rating: 7.5 (14 votes)

Quit your day job by Injokester 4-29-10
What's the status Chen? They're everywhere sir, once again the zombies have escaped from R&D and overrun the office, killing 80% of our staff.	That's excellent news! Excellent news? 400 people are dead, sir.	Precicely! With an 80% reduction in staff my chances of winning the quarterly employee raffle increase 5-fold! I could win two movie tickets Chen. Two!

2581. Type O Positive

by brycekain on March 21, 2010
Rating: 7.5 (14 votes)

Type O Positive by brycekain 3-21-10
The vampire... moving ever so quietly... stalking his unsuspecting prey... leans in for the attack...nothing can stop him now...nothing...	Herpes.

2582. CC428: Duck Habits

by Scyess on June 25, 2009
Rating: 7.5 (14 votes)

CC428: Duck Habits by Scyess 6-25-09
I've always wondered... why don't ducks' feet get cold in the water? Our feet have a "countercurrent" blood flow that keeps them at a constant temperature. But ask why our penises don't get cold.	Okay. Why don't du- BECAUSE THEY'RE IN YOUR MOM! HAHAHAHA*quack*	Ask me why ducks don't get invited to parties very often. Oh, that's easy. Because they're busy fucking your mom, right?