Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

3501. Tag Team finale: Not ready for primate time

by boorite on March 6, 2003
Rating: 7.14 (7 votes)

Tag Team finale: Not ready for primate time by boorite 3-06-03
Trapped in a cage full of naughty monkeys, subdued by electric shocks to the nipples, one hand securely ductaped to her hair, body slathered with banana Nutella--yet the condemned mastered her fear.	In fact, the crazy whore seemed to be into it. I admit it was tightening my skivvies a bit, and it crossed my mind to filch the condemned for a little last huzzah of my own.	Alas, with Victim's Family in such a vengeful mood, my chances were zero. I felt sick alright-- sick with envy. These were the luckiest monkeys on planet Earth. Alright, bitch! Get ready to be ELECTRIC CAGE BANANA NUTELLA DUCTAPE MONKEYFUCKED to death!

3502. Focus

by FinnNYC on December 2, 2004
Rating: 7.12 (26 votes)

Focus by FinnNYC 12-02-04
We don't get fed for another 5 hours, where'd you get that banana? I participated in a focus group. I gave them feedback on some product ideas and got a banana. They've got a bunch.	Awesome! How do I get in on that? It's easy, all you have to do is jump around and act aggressive.	So what's the product? It's a testicle remover.

3503. Filing Clerk, VIP: Clerks United! (23)

by mmyers on December 24, 2003
Rating: 7.11 (38 votes)

Filing Clerk, VIP: Clerks United! (23) by mmyers 12-24-03
Oh Amanda, your circuits, they're... Please filing clerk *zztt* I don't have long *zzztt* Will you come down on the floor and talk with me *zzztt* until I shut down?	Um, well, then I'd be off-panel too and that doesn't make for a very interesting picture. Also, the floor is kind of gross... Then, please *zzztt* do me one last favor *zzztt*...	So then you fucked a robot?! No, no, of course not...robots prefer to call it "interfacing", and man, I interfaced the shit out of her.

3504. The Toga Bar - Messages

by up4abeer on April 9, 2007
Rating: 7.11 (19 votes)

The Toga Bar - Messages by up4abeer 4-09-07
I've tried emailing her, calling her, and texting her. No reponse. Do you think she's avoiding me? It could be that global warming is disrupting all forms of electronic transmissions.	I hadn't thought of that. I bet she thinks I'm avoiding her. Then again maybe she's not interested in you or worse she thinks you are a scary obsessed freak.	She sent me a card on Valentines Day. That was a restraining order.

3505. Orange Soda : XXXMas 6

by finn34 on December 8, 2006
Rating: 7.11 (19 votes)

Orange Soda : XXXMas 6 by finn34 12-08-06
Yeah, have a Merry fucking Christmas this year, you asshole!		I take that to mean you got the package I sent you.

3506. November 3rd again...

by Skin on July 25, 2006
Rating: 7.11 (19 votes)

November 3rd again... by Skin 7-25-06
*HAVE* *A* *GOOD* *DAY* *MASTER* 'Bye, Chore-Bot.	*PREPARE* *FOR* *MATING* *UPON* *RETURN*	*CHORE-BOT* *HAS* *BEEN* *A* *DIRTY* *KITTEN* Damn anniversary sneaks up on me every year...

3507. Fun, Dirty Party Games

by Hari_Nezumi on January 28, 2006
Rating: 7.11 (19 votes)

Fun, Dirty Party Games by Hari_Nezumi 1-28-06
Oh man...I can't believe I got Angela and Candy to play strip poker with me. This is gonna rock out loud. OK, let's get this over with, perv.	I'll shuffle. Really, does God just hate me?	Wow, look at that! ANOTHER Full House! I think I actually grew another pair of pants.

3508. Spankling Attempts To Join MENSA part 4

by Smarmulus on August 2, 2002
Rating: 7.11 (19 votes)

Spankling Attempts To Join MENSA part 4 by Smarmulus 8-02-02
George Bernard Shaw wrote,"It's such a wonderful thing, what a crime to waste it on children." What is this wonderful thing?		Bukkake!

3509. father son talk

by mandingo on October 25, 2006
Rating: 7.1 (31 votes)

father son talk by mandingo 10-25-06
son, there are 3 types of people in the world what's #2?	they're not ranked oh yeah? what say you get back to me when you've done some more research, hmm?	then he slapped me on the ass and said he's borrowing the car Friday night i hate that kid

3510. The Fuck-If-I-Know Goblin

by mandingo on October 12, 2005
Rating: 7.1 (31 votes)

The Fuck-If-I-Know Goblin by mandingo 10-12-05
honey, do i look fat in these jeans? you can be honest		yes?

3511. Why I stopped playing text based adventure games

by mikeweeney on March 11, 2003
Rating: 7.1 (31 votes)

Why I stopped playing text based adventure games by mikeweeney 3-11-03
"You see a tall, dark skinned, mysterious looking woman leaning on the bar. You feel some sort of power drawing you toward her." >Action? >Grab nipple	I'm sorry, I don't understand that command. >Action? >Put cock in mouth	I'm sorry, I don't understand item "cock." Oh I bet you do, you dirty little devil you.

3512. More Biblical Outtakes

by choadwarrior on March 28, 2006
Rating: 7.08 (24 votes)

More Biblical Outtakes by choadwarrior 3-28-06
What the fuck is that?	It's Lot's wife... turned into a pillar of salt by God.	She kinda looks like a dude. They were fleeing Sodom.

3513. Tard Boy and Finkelman

by squidrabies on July 25, 2005
Rating: 7.08 (24 votes)

Tard Boy and Finkelman by squidrabies 7-25-05
I'm thinking of a number between one and ten.	A number between one and ten.	Okay, I'm done. You beat your record!

3514. This Comic Just Gave Pepe Le Pew a Boner

by four_legged_tripod on May 31, 2011
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

This Comic Just Gave Pepe Le Pew a Boner

by four_legged_tripod, 5-31-11

3515. The Verna Jean Reynolds Story 4

by biped on March 9, 2010
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

The Verna Jean Reynolds Story 4 by biped 3-09-10
I hear you're casting a new monster movie. How about me for the leading lady? No, but you'd be perfect for the monster. And we'll save money on makeup--you already look like a mutant bitch hog.	FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!!! Aww, don't take it so hard. Why don't you come be in a cartoon with me?	FLOYD!!! I'm gonna be MRS. ELMER FUDD in the next Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck cartoon! HOT DAMN!!! I haven't fucked a movie star since that time LASSIE got away!!!

3516. Doggy Mega-Bites

by biped on May 26, 2009
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

Doggy Mega-Bites by biped 5-26-09
OMIGOD!!! IT'S DOGGY MEGA-BITES, THE DOG WHO BITES EVERYBODY!!!	Mom!!! Doggy Mega-Bites BIT me!!! Well, of course he did, sweetie. Doggy Mega-Bites bites everybody.	Doggy Mega-Bites has never bited me. He will, Sis...he will.

3517. Oh Canadaaaaaaaaa

by Kevin_Keegans_Perm on March 1, 2009
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

Oh Canadaaaaaaaaa by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 3-01-09
Can I ask office why youre blocking the entrance to my house? Im afraid theres been a horrific discovery here sir, and we cant allow you in until the forensics team have finished their work.		It was just a Bryan Adams CD Sometimes we have to protect people from themselves sir.

3518. Test Tube

by christopher7murphy on December 11, 2008
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

Test Tube by christopher7murphy 12-11-08
Test.	Test?	This was a test and only a test. Had this been an actuall emergency, you would have been screwed.

3519. The LOLocaust

by seanator on July 19, 2008
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

The LOLocaust by seanator 7-19-08
One fine day... The Holocaust was a terrible, horrid time. But it was harder for some of us...	1939... Oh what the hell is this shit? My car is fucking coated in ashes! I just washed it!	I just KNOW those fucking JEWS are behind this!

3520. CC:382 - Days of our Alien Lives (2)

by El_Phen on February 28, 2008
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

CC:382 - Days of our Alien Lives (2) by El_Phen 2-28-08
Well Xanonx? Kitmorvda...how long have you known?	For three of your Pavlovian months Xanox. I have been too afraid to speak of this to you. I knew that you were not ready for a commitment so soon. I could not risk losing you before the child's birth. Kitmorvda. This puts me in an uncomfortable position. You see I have just learnt that...I AM YOUR FATHER!	Duh-duh-duhhhhh!

3521. Sorry

by mandingo on January 15, 2008
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

Sorry by mandingo 1-15-08
sorry, i don't hire hispanics	sorry, i don't hire deaf mutes	who the hell was that? i wasn't applying for anything, were you? nguh

3522. My new neighborhood - Clowns to the left of me

by pita on December 3, 2007
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

My new neighborhood - Clowns to the left of me by pita 12-03-07
Joel, run next door for me and see how old Mrs. Smith is... I haven't seen her in a few days and I'm getting a little worried. OK, be right back.	She's fine, mom, but she's really pissed at you.	At me? Why? She said it's none of your damn business how old she is!

3523. Looney Toons Revisited

by HCRoyall on September 18, 2007
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

Looney Toons Revisited by HCRoyall 9-18-07

3524. CC 364: Cheech and Chong Ride Again

by kaufman on August 13, 2007
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

CC 364: Cheech and Chong Ride Again by kaufman 8-13-07
pffffffffffffff ... Aaahhh! Hey man! This is good weed, ain't it?	Uh, Pedro, that's the third time you asked me that in the last 15 minutes. Oh man! Y'know, maybe we should roll down the windows. It's getting kind of smoky here in the car.	Dude, we stepped outside half an hour ago. Oh wow! Hey man! This is good weed, ain't it?

3525. eamus catuli eamus

by mandingo on August 2, 2007
Rating: 7.31 (13 votes)

eamus catuli eamus by mandingo 8-02-07
Cubs are in first! that's highly illogical	no, seriously, Spock. they're in first. i don't think so, captain. i calculate the odds against that happening as 489,325 to 1. i believe the applicable earth saying is "when pigs fly."	"On Screen!" V formation, boys!

3526. Sweet Goodbyes

by LuckyGuess on July 26, 2007
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

Sweet Goodbyes by LuckyGuess 7-26-07
Hey mom. It's me. I know we never really got along after you hit me with those plates, but I'm just here to say sorry.	Sorry that I never fought back when you beat me, sorry you chased off all my friends, sorry you locked me in the basement for the first years of my life, causing permanent environmental retardation.	Pussy.

3527. "The Fuck-If-I-Know Goblin" consults "Thumbs up Thurgood"

by RedfeatheR on June 30, 2007
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

"The Fuck-If-I-Know Goblin" consults "Thumbs up Thurgood" by RedfeatheR 6-30-07
Do you know anything at all Fuck-If-I-Know Goblin?		shit yeah

3528. New Copmic Finale

by Humpenstein on June 7, 2007
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

New Copmic Finale

Well, I guess I'll just have to leave you with a warning then. That's great news, because the 12-pack in the back was getting warm. Want a doughnut?

by Humpenstein, 6-07-07

3529. Legislation?

by DragonXero on February 15, 2007
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

Legislation? by DragonXero 2-15-07
Y'know, they're banning trans-fatty acids in New York. Really? Hold on, I'll be back in a while.		Knock it off.

3530. The Mistaken Identities Of Brad Schwartz 3

by biped on February 7, 2007
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

The Mistaken Identities Of Brad Schwartz 3 by biped 2-07-07
Well, Mr. Schwartz...how does it feel to currently be the most infamous man in America? (sigh) At least now, maybe people will know who I really am, and stop mistaking me for other people.	Well, here it is...my future home. After the election, that is, heh-heh. Barack Obama... the first black President. You'll be the most famous man in the world.	Today, I got five "T-Bones", seven "Crab Legs", eleven "Flendo Jessnurts", sixteen "Captain Schlessingers", and 214 "Barack Obamas." Shut up and ravish me like the whore that I am, Mr. President.

3531. Sally's Big Day

by biped on July 23, 2006
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

Sally's Big Day by biped 7-23-06
Guess what, Mommy? I just invented COCK-FLAVORED LOLLIPOPS! OH, MY GOD!!!	Mommy told me to come here and stay until I was a good girl again. Well, you're obviously a dangerous criminal. (chuckle) We'd better keep a really close eye on you. (giggle)	I slit their throats, Mommy. And stepped over their wracking, blood-splattered corpses. And came back home. What's for supper? (sigh) Salmon patties.

3532. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on October 30, 2005
Rating: 7.08 (12 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille" by Ranger77 10-30-05
Look, I'm sorry that I was so sexist when we first met. Since we have been partnered together it's probably in our best interests to get along. I agree. I'm a superhero just like you. I'm a crime fighting fairy with large breasts. That doesn't mean I should not be taken seriously.	I mean, it's demeaning when men are just become stuck on a body part and pretty much tune out everything else. Still, I find it hard to believe that all guys are so shallow.	So, um, yeah I like bacon, too.