Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

651. Below the Surface

by choadwarrior on December 13, 2010
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Below the Surface by choadwarrior 12-13-10
I'm going to take the wife on a cruise. What if terrorists sink the ship like they did to the Titanic.	Terrorists didn't sink the Titanic. Then what caused that big hole in the side?	An iceberg. JEWS!

652. A Date With Herbert 5

by biped on December 7, 2010
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

A Date With Herbert 5 by biped 12-07-10
I was wondering if perhaps you and I might--		Never mind.

653. B.O.A.T.S. - Change Is The Only Constant

by ZMannZilla on August 25, 2010
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

B.O.A.T.S. - Change Is The Only Constant by ZMannZilla 8-25-10
Y'know, not all homeless people are drug addicts and deadbeats. You shouldn't assume I don't deserve your change just because I look like a dirty bum. Too true. So tell me... what made you think I have change in the first place?	Well... um... Go on.	...you're wearing a clean outfit. It's what's inside that counts... and inside this clean outfit is NO FUCKING CHANGE!!!

654. The Reverse-Yoko

by ladyjdotnet on July 31, 2010
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

The Reverse-Yoko by ladyjdotnet 7-31-10
Hey, wanna go catch a flick tonight? I can't. My friend Doug has a date.	How does Doug's date keep you from being able to go out? Well, the girl he's trying to impress has never played 4-person Guitar Hero and really wants to...	...so Tommy and I agreed to be his wing band.

655. Quit your day job

by Injokester on May 6, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Quit your day job by Injokester 5-06-10
How goes it Ben? Same old, same old. My hand's still nailed to the wall of this cubicle so I can't escape.	And the company is using my rectum as an incubator for their latest attempt to create a genetic hybrid that's half Octopus, half razorblade.	Yeah, but at least it's Friday, am I right?

656. What if God was one of us.

by BobCheeseburger on May 5, 2010
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

What if God was one of us. by BobCheeseburger 5-05-10
We need to do something and fast, our competition's making a major push! It's a media blitz! Satancorp again? Should we get our marketing people to push back?	Are you insane? There's no way our people can compete with every marketing person that's ever been sent to hell! That's, like, all of them. And I guess legal avenues are out too, huh?	Unless you can square things with the Jews. Hmmm... maybe we should have thought a little harder about going into the private sector.

657. breaking up is hard to do

by elevenbirds on January 19, 2010
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

breaking up is hard to do by elevenbirds 1-19-10
i just have to do it man....i hate dumping people, i never know what to say just have someone tell her you died. its what i do	didnt you just dump sarah? in accounting? yeah? so?	she works in our office! she hasn't confronted you? No, she has. I just told her she was rascist for thinking all dinosaurs look alike. Problem solved.

658. Real Life: Getting Warmer

by four_legged_tripod on January 18, 2010
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Real Life: Getting Warmer by four_legged_tripod 1-18-10
It's too cold in our bedroom. Do we have any extra covers? I think there's a quilt and an afghan blanket in the hall closet.	I guess I'll sleep with the afghan.

659. A Kwanzaa Story 3

by biped on December 7, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

A Kwanzaa Story 3 by biped 12-07-09
Ed, I'm worried about the kids. They've been celebrating "Kwanzaa." Oh, it's just one of those dumbass "little kid" phases. I'm sure there's no harm in it.	CORPSES FOR SALE!!! GET 'EM WHILE THEY'RE DEAD!!! FRESHLY DUG UP!!! GENUINE ROTTING KWANZAA CORPSES!!!	My own mother was among the dead. Oh, dear.

660. The Oldies Aren't Goodies 1

by biped on October 18, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

The Oldies Aren't Goodies 1 by biped 10-18-09
So...how's about that blow job?	Uh-oh, I think I just shit my pants.	Sixty-five years... same fuckin' excuse.

661. Quest #8,482

by Hari_Nezumi on October 15, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Quest #8,482 by Hari_Nezumi 10-15-09
The southern end of this beach is covered in a mysterious and evil mist. None who enter the mist ever come back out.	The only traces they leave behind are the echoes of their tormented screams which ring out over the waves.	You must enter this mist and bring back-- Fuck. Right. Off.

662. http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/RedfeatheR/403493/

by umfumdisi on October 14, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/RedfeatheR/403493/ by umfumdisi 10-14-09
I lost my "S" car. "S" car?	Yes. It's actually called a Snail car, but that's pretty obvious, so I just call it my "S" car. Well, where did your "S" car go?	FRANCE! Haw, haw! Sgt. Herb Utter is not amused.

663. Satanism

by muffindance on September 6, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Satanism by muffindance 9-06-09
I WORSHIP SATAN	I THINK YOU'RE CONFUSING SATAN WITH GIANT THROBBING PENISES	YOU'RE RIGHT

664. Interconnectivity

by Aylear on May 5, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Interconnectivity by Aylear 5-05-09
There is an indomitable link between us. The atom in front of your eyes is connected to atoms connected to more atoms, all of which are invariably connected to every other atom in the known universe.	Were you to reach out and affect this atom, alter its path with a gentle caress, that caress would cascade throughout the universe, its resonance perfect. Your every move is sensed by distant stars.	The atom next to it leads to my penis.

665. Knock, knock

by Aylear on May 5, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Knock, knock by Aylear 5-05-09
Knock, knock! Who's there?	The illuminati. The illuminati who?	Wow. They're good.

666. Knock, knock

by Aylear on May 5, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Knock, knock by Aylear 5-05-09
Knock, knock! What's the password?

667. Desperate Horsewives 3

by biped on April 25, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Desperate Horsewives 3 by biped 4-25-09
...and this is my new son-in-law, err, Harry. Harry what?	Oh, I can't BELIEVE it! I never thought I'd say the words "Harry Horsedick" to Father O'Mallard! I just know it's some kind of SIN! Mom, for Pete's sake, get ahold of yourself.	I know it's late, but...I was hoping you could hear my confession. Oh, my. I'll wager this has something to do with that hairy horse dick.

668. It's a trap!

by Bull_Moose on April 9, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

It's a trap! by Bull_Moose 4-09-09
Good. There you are. I have a deposition this morning, but I don't know anything about the case or the client. I need you to cover it. Gee, as much fun as that sounds like, bar results haven't been released yet, so I can't.	Crap.	Stop walking around the office until after you've been told that you passed. It's confusing.

669. The Best Hamburgers

by boloboffin on April 8, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

The Best Hamburgers by boloboffin 4-08-09
Let's say the farmer shows you three doors. One's got hay behind it. You choose one. Rock.	He then opens one of the other doors, showing no hay. He then gives you the chance to switch doors. What should you do? Can I stick the chicken up my ass?	There isn't a chicken in this problem. No, I'm asking you: Can I stick the chicken up my ass?

670. What different OS users say when their computer crashes

by ComedyGeek on April 2, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

What different OS users say when their computer crashes by ComedyGeek 4-02-09
When Windows users crash ERROR MUST REBOOT This is Bill Gates' fault!	When Mac users crash ERROR MUST REBOOT This is Steve Jobs' fault!	When Linux users crash ERROR MUST REBOOT This is my fault! I must have misconfigured the makefile, or misread the man page. It's not Linux's fault! I'm just.... clumsy. I ran into a door.

671. Lookalike

by evil_d on April 1, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Lookalike by evil_d 4-01-09
Cool, it's the maitre d'! Hey, do people ever tell you guys that you look like penguins? I think you have it backwards, sir.	You mean penguins tell you that you look like people? Hmm, I guess you do kind of look like Russell Crowe. What? Don't be ridiculous! Next customer, please!	Hey, are you Russell Crowe? Can I have your autograph? Shut up!!

672. Humourist

by Aylear on March 24, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Humourist by Aylear 3-24-09
I was going to prove the existence of God.	But every time I went online to do research on Genesis, the Bible web sites would all collectively and invariably crash my browser. In the end, I had to resort to translating a Norwegian Bible into English using Babel Fish.	So, all in all, I've at least conclusively proven that if there is a God, he has a fantastic sense of humour. I could have proven that just by pointing at you.

673. Misinterpretation

by Aylear on March 19, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Misinterpretation by Aylear 3-19-09
Your humour has improved. Thank you. Humour seems to ease the transition. I am not a proficient judge of human emotions, but I believe the familiar composition of the jokes provide some comfort. Like so: Knock knock.	Who's there? Lucifer.

674. You're a Book Store, Aintcha

by christopher7murphy on March 5, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

You're a Book Store, Aintcha by christopher7murphy 3-05-09
I can not believe you do not have my book!	They have it at the Super-Mart! They have it at the grocery store! They have it at the gas station, even! I can fix this.	No. We don't have any copies left. And why not? You're a Gas Station, aintcha?

675. Siamese twins

by mandingo on February 11, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Siamese twins by mandingo 2-11-09
	Jack, you're golden. led a good life, we're happy to have you. John, you dick. we've never seen such sin. '83 alone, and even with Jack valiantly fighting you for control of your connected raping hand now i could separate you, send Jack to heaven, John to hell, but that would mean a whole lot of mopping. so here's what i propose...

676. Conversations Not to Wake Up in the Middle of

by christopher7murphy on February 7, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Conversations Not to Wake Up in the Middle of by christopher7murphy 2-07-09
--------------------------Blink------------------------- The victim is a 40 year old male. He shows signs of anal rape.	--------------------------Blink------------------------- Don't worry, mam. Your husband could still live a full life without one.	--------------------------Blink------------------------- Nurse....Would you please pass the salt.

677. Lemon/Aide

by boloboffin on February 5, 2009
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Lemon/Aide by boloboffin 2-05-09
Oh, nothing can beat warm lather and the icy tingle of the razor on your genitals. Say no more. I agree 100%. And how do you like your coffee?	Black, two sugars. You know most assistants I've had balk at the scrotum shave. Oh, not me, sir. Whatever helps you relax and keep this company on the move will be my greatest pleasure to provide.	And how much do you owe on your student loans? $372,000, and I couldn't be happier to be here.

678. Home again, home again

by mandingo on November 12, 2008
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Home again, home again by mandingo 11-12-08
hey, Joe. hold up a minute uh...	every day this week i've seen you carrying new cats into your house. what's the deal? well... okay. it's a funny story actually. you know those paintings where the dogs are playing poker?	yeah. i fuck these cats

679. Alpha Versions - Love

by Creature_From_Beyond on October 11, 2008
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Alpha Versions - Love by Creature_From_Beyond 10-11-08
That's it! I have had it with this dog shit relationship! You are a fucking souless life sucking bitch. Ditto! Except minus the part about me and add in the part where you're an egomaniacal douche bag! Fucking pretty boy!	If we break up I'll have to move out AND I won't have steady pussy anymore. Damn! If we break up who's going to drive me places and buy me stuff I can't afford? Damn!	Let's have sex! Let's have sex!

680. Victims of 9/11 part 13

by Creature_From_Beyond on October 9, 2008
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Victims of 9/11 part 13 by Creature_From_Beyond 10-09-08
January 19, 2002 E.A.P. Talent Agency All praise be to Allah! We will begin by raining fire down upon the cities of the Great Satan! The children will choke on the ashes of their parents!	... We will bathe in the blood of our enemies and purify this world with cleansing flame in the name of Allah and his prophet Muhammad!	Get the fuck out of my office! The Aristocrats!

681. Why the Magna Carta was retarded

by RetardedHistory on September 17, 2008
Rating: 8.33 (9 votes)

Why the Magna Carta was retarded by RetardedHistory 9-17-08
...And this new bill of rights will guarantee freedoms for all! I don't know what you're cheering for peasant, get back to work before you're horsewhipped! Sorry sire	And you woman, who said you could attend this public gathering anyway? Get back to that kitchen! Sorry, my leige	Go democracy!