Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

2701. FTC 89: Fudd for Thought

by Zaster on August 12, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

FTC 89: Fudd for Thought by Zaster 8-12-06
Welcome to Chuck R. Cheesesteaks. Can I take your order? I'll have the wabbit stew. Hahahahaha!	There's no rabbit stew on the menu. Are you sure about that? Twy looking down the bawwel of this wifle!	It's not rabbit season, jackass. It's clown season! Enough of your tweachewous twicks!

2702. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on July 27, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World by Ranger77 7-27-06
...so really Eastern and Western religions do have remarkable similarities. That's very interesting.	You know, its so refreshing to actually have a conversation with a young woman without trying to get into her pants. I'm really enjoying talking to.... I'm not wearing any panties.	My brother put you up to this didn't he? He said it was for your own good. What exactly is an asswedge anyway?

2703. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on June 17, 2006
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World by Ranger77 6-17-06
As the "inner voice of reason inside your head" even I have to admit that going to this graduation party is kinda silly. Yeah I know. But marriage is about compromise and, who knows....if I do this, maybe she'll let me buy a motorcycle or a stand up arcade console.		HAHAHAHHAHA! That's pretty funny! I find keeping one's sense of humor is important in situations like this.

2704. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on December 8, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!" by Ranger77 12-08-05
Nope still the same. Just stand there a minute. Try closing your eyes a bit.	Are you sure you're not.... No, I'm not a purple donkey. Close your eyes again.	No change. And actually you're kind of lavender.... You're not a young man anymore, brother. You should not smoke that stuff that Brother Yin sends from Thailand.

2705. CC 304: To boldy go where no man has gone before.

by flipynif1 on November 8, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

CC 304: To boldy go where no man has gone before. by flipynif1 11-08-05
Captains log: Stardate 1... 22.. 3421.... abc. We landed on... this desolate...planet only to find that... the atmosphere... makes humans .... faint.. intermittently. Showing another faint inducing wind heading this way captain. *vulcan neckpinch*		Captains log: Once again, I have... fainted...I awoke... to find myself naked... while spock... was... well, uh, making me feel very dirty. Another breeze headed our way captain.

2706. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on November 7, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille" by Ranger77 11-07-05
So do I have a case? Well you did attack him first with your "Gumbol Punch." Not a very smart move. Zeus is a pretty powerful guy. You don't run around in a toga and sandals without being able to kick a little ass.	He PEED on me. His argument could be that his sacred fluids were preventing you from dying. It will be very difficult to prove anything malicious.	He ate Aparagus, Dude. Asparagus!! Do you know how that feels?!!! Actually, no. Believe it or not, in 25 years of practing law I've mananged to stay away from getting myself peed on by Greek superheroes.

2707. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!"

by Ranger77 on October 12, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life!" by Ranger77 10-12-05
They say, being depressed makes you do stupid things. Yes. That's true.	Being monks, we're supposed to be above such things, using our spiritual strength to cope. Agreed.	So why did I slam a fifth of Ciroc again? Umm....because being depressed makes you do stupid things?

2708. CC 300: Have sheep, wool travel

by The_young_scot on October 9, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

CC 300: Have sheep, wool travel by The_young_scot 10-09-05
		FATHER! WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME?

2709. Joe, the duck that says interstitial 2

by mandingo on September 5, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Joe, the duck that says interstitial 2 by mandingo 9-05-05
Joe, Frank here! did you take Betty to a baseball game yesterday! interstitial	don't give me that "just friends" shit, Joe, i wasn't born yesterday interstitial	a valid point. i'm sorry, Joe. you've always been a good friend to me interstitial

2710. Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True"

by Ranger77 on July 22, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True" by Ranger77 7-22-05
All I'm saying is that we're upset that the President did NOT accept our invitation to speak at our national convention. Did you really think that Bush would attend an NAACP gathering? Your political affiliations are pretty clear.	That's absurd. Our organization is diverse and the President is missing an opportunity to establish credibility. Ok....If you say so.	We're also upset that Charlie Daniels and Hank Williams Jr, turned down an invitation to perform at our formal gala dinner. Shocking. Simply shocking....

2711. what if faggot meant vacuum

by mandingo on June 28, 2005
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

what if faggot meant vacuum by mandingo 6-28-05
hey laura, do you think i could borrow your faggot? mine doesn't seem to want to work sure, but the thing about my faggot is that some days you turn it on and it sucks and sucks while other days you turn it on and it just gives you one little spurt then stops	that's okay. i'll take your faggot on a bad day over mine on a good one. honestly, i don't know what john was thinking when he picked up that faggot and brought it home to tell the truth, i've always been a little taken with your faggot. i know it's an old model, but those are the sturdiest faggots, not to mention the most relaibe and with the best suction	i'd offer to swap faggots but since john handpicked ours, to him it's like king of the faggots. he'll even say he tracked dirt into the guestroom just to have an excuse to get his hands on that faggot boy, now i really do want to swap faggots. marty wouldn't know what to do with our faggot even if i layed it down on the carpet in front of him and turned it on

2712. Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True!"

by Ranger77 on November 18, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "Yep, It's True!" by Ranger77 11-18-04
We here at UPN are saddened that ABC would use sex to sell something as sacred as Monday Night Football. Such practices are deceptive and distracting.	For that reason, we've decided to simply offer a topless woman jumping up and down for 30 seconds randomly during our viewing schedule.	Whoa! Look for "Tittie Jiggle" soon and remember: "UPN....Yeah we did it. So?"

2713. Ranger's World presents: "The Ranger Years"

by Ranger77 on September 20, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "The Ranger Years" by Ranger77 9-20-04
Life can have its surreal moments and they usually arrive in abundance to yours truly. Often those moments occur when I'm playing "counselor" to the opposite sex. I don't know....my boyfriend just seems so uncaring sometimes. Guys think of things differently. He might not know how to communicate with you.	This role has often had a negative effect on my own love (or shall I say) lust life. Being a placed into that "friend/advisor" category can really suck. We were watching Titanic the other night and near the end he started making jokes about human popsicles. Yeah...that's rough. Maybe you have to ask yourself if you really want to be with this person.	But one would expect that wouldn't happen while getting a lap dance in the VIP room of a strip club. Yes (sadly), actual dialogue and a true story. Yeah, you're right I guess. I'll try work things out and if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Sounds good to me. You're very talented you know....

2714. The Playstation Of The Christ

by biped on August 26, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

The Playstation Of The Christ by biped 8-26-04
Not even devout Christians are immune to a hapless addiction to videogames... Tempt...TEMPT... Resist...RESIST...	Ha-HA! CRUCIFIXION! OWNED! Pass cup from lips...PASS CUP FROM -- aaah, crap! Dialogue with God terminated!	Heh! His ass is -- FUCK! RESURRECTION! Ascend-- ASCEND-- YESSS!!! SCOOOOORE!!!

2715. Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille"

by Ranger77 on July 3, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "HeroVille" by Ranger77 7-03-04
These portraits of our members are amazing, EnergyGrrl! I think so too. The PR firm says this is just what we need to counter DEMONient's corporate image. Their fees are pretty reasonable as well.	Great. Stay on this. It's definitely worth the money! Right.	So how long have you been using HeroMachine 2.0? A couple days. If you keep quiet I'll cut you in for half.

2716. Untitled

by batFucker on June 19, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Untitled by batFucker 6-19-04
yeah, it's amazing how much this little guy likes it. he gets to crying, and i just shove it in his mouth, and it shuts him up. he'll just suck away for hours...		did i tell you i babysit?

2717. Various People Pray For Extremely Trivial Things

by biped on June 6, 2007
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Various People Pray For Extremely Trivial Things by biped 6-06-07
Lord, please make my can opener stop blistering my index finger. Amen. Lord, please keep my French toast from being so soggy. Amen.	Lord, please make today's newspaper comics be really funny. Amen. Lord, please help the barber make my sideburns more even. Amen.	Lord, please make the next chef salad I eat taste really good. Amen. Lord, please help me pick out the most comfortable brassiere. Amen.

2718. Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life."

by Ranger77 on April 29, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Ranger's World presents: "It's a Monk's Life." by Ranger77 4-29-04
I don't usually do this but I have a problem and I really need a mature, wise person to speak to. Of course. By all means, Miss, please tell me what's troubling you.	I have this incredible appetite for sex. I mean ALL the time. Not just normal sex but adventurous sex. I feel it might be harming my relationships...	So did talking to that monk help? Sort of....we're going out this Saturday.

2719. The Return of the Precious

by Kevin_Keegans_Perm on January 11, 2004
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

The Return of the Precious by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 1-11-04
So i said to him "The White Wizard has cleared the lands around Isengard so he can generate gravitons" Ha Ha Ha		What the fuck are you Tolkien about.

2720. Does whatever a spider can

by boorite on February 26, 2003
Rating: 7.5 (10 votes)

Does whatever a spider can by boorite 2-26-03
Is he strong? Listen, Bud. He's got radioactive blood.	But wouldn't that give him leukemia or something? Yes, I guess it would.	Can he swing from a thread? No.

2721. S.C.R.O.A.T.S.

by four_legged_tripod on February 5, 2013
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

S.C.R.O.A.T.S. by four_legged_tripod 2-05-13
Wow, Mom, it sure is weird feeling my baby kick around inside of my wife. Was I that active when you were pregnant with me? Oh, I'll say! You used to kick so hard, you'd knock the ashtray off my stomach!	Wait... you SMOKED while you were pregnant with me? Your father and I both did. It was his ashtray you knocked off. He got so pissed he kicked you back!	Wait. Wha-- Where did you think the brain damage came from? I mean seriously, mutton chops? Come on!

2722. Real Life: Potty Mouth

by four_legged_tripod on May 28, 2012
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

Real Life: Potty Mouth by four_legged_tripod 5-28-12
So did you fix the crack in the toilet? When you told me about the crack in your toilet, I was not expecting to walk in and see your wife's ass literally stuck in the toilet.	I know, but it's funny right? I guess it is kinda funny.	That was not what I meant when I asked you to call for some help!

2723. Sing if you're happy that way.

by UnknownEric on October 22, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

Sing if you're happy that way. by UnknownEric 10-22-11
How was the gay pride parade, Alastair?	Alastair?	Shut up and kiss me. Finally!

2724. At Least There Won't be Hair in the Soup

by four_legged_tripod on September 22, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

At Least There Won't be Hair in the Soup by four_legged_tripod 9-22-11
I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you in. What for?	Someone said that you were soliciting sex from minors. Who the hell would say that?	Someone at the farmer's market. For fuck's sake! I said I wanted to get my hands on some baby veg, not baby vag!

2725. May Glorious Light Warm Your Shells

by FactoryRejects on May 8, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

May Glorious Light Warm Your Shells by FactoryRejects 5-08-11
The humans are celebrating "Mother's Day", sir. Disgusting. You don't see me flying back once a year to the omega-hen who laid me and making a big fuss of it.	No, I don't.	...I see you do it weekly. Well that's my moms.

2726. Real Life: Music Critic

by four_legged_tripod on February 28, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

Real Life: Music Critic by four_legged_tripod 2-28-11
♫ It’s a quarter after one. I’m a little drunk and I peed just now. ♫ Hey, who sings that song?	Lady Antebellum.	Let's keep it that way.

2727. Brad Schwartz in: "Yet Another Mistaken Identity"

by biped on February 24, 2011
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

Brad Schwartz in: "Yet Another Mistaken Identity" by biped 2-24-11
Excuse me, aren't you "Johnny Woof-Woof, the man who owns a million puppies"? No, I am not. My name is Brad Sch--	I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YOUR NAME IS, YOU NON-BEING-JOHNNY-WOOF-WOOF MOTHER FUCKER!!! Sir, there is NO NEED to shout at me like that!	Whew! Some delusional hothead just mistook me for "Johnny Woof-Woof, the man who owns a million puppies." Wait--you mean you're NOT "Johnny Woof-Woof, the man who owns a million puppies"? I'm aborting the twins.

2728. Oh, Zone

by choadwarrior on December 12, 2010
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

Oh, Zone by choadwarrior 12-12-10
You zoned out while I was talking in that meeting.	You can tell when my mind wanders while you're talking?	Yes. Then why do you keep doing it?

2729. Groovy! - What do you do when something uspets you?

by edoggydog on December 3, 2010
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

Groovy! - What do you do when something uspets you? by edoggydog 12-03-10
I vent...	I try to stay cool...	I tend to blow my stack...

2730. Menorrahty

by choadwarrior on December 2, 2010
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

Menorrahty by choadwarrior 12-02-10
We have a special today for Hanukkah...	It's a French dip sandwich. How is a French dip sandwich related to Hanukkah?	It's served au Jew.

2731. cc459: It's all about the H. Jon Benjamins

by mandingo on August 28, 2010
Rating: 7.5 (8 votes)

cc459: It's all about the H. Jon Benjamins by mandingo 8-28-10
man, i really hit it off with that girl yesterday. by 7 pm, i was sandbagging her you mean teabagging?	sandbagging's like teabagging except you spend a couple of hours at the beach first. how bout you? any luck with that redhead? nope. i was so frustrated, i left here and immediately went and pulled a bank job	? jacked off with a roll of quarters up my ass