Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

1251. The Cable Guy

by kaufman on June 17, 2005
Rating: 8.07 (44 votes)

The Cable Guy by kaufman 6-17-05
A new superhero has arrived. Help! Help! My boy's lying at the bottom of the pool! Fear not, poor damsel. Although I am just a cable repair man, I will be able to dive in and rescue your son.	Comcast has trained me in CPR, so I will be able to keep the boy alive until the paramedics can arrive.	Now what I'll need is for him to stay at the bottom of the pool, and I'll come and rescue him sometime between 10 AM and 4:30 PM on Friday.

1252. A Downturn For Alan

by biped on July 28, 2007
Rating: 8.06 (31 votes)

A Downturn For Alan by biped 7-28-07
Sir--please assume your crash position as you were clearly instructed to do mere moments ago.	Well, that's just about the sorriest excuse for a crash position I ever saw. Hey, everybody--check out this loser's shitty crash position.	Sorry, no job openings for you at this time, Mr. Splet. Or should I say--"Mr. Shitty Crash Position."

1253. Random Comic! Shoot Me Before I Make More

by Scyess on November 9, 2006
Rating: 8.06 (31 votes)

Random Comic! Shoot Me Before I Make More by Scyess 11-09-06
And now, with weather, here's a slab of bacon.	Partially cloudy tomorrow. And remember: to maintain proper urniary tract health, you should drink at least eight glasses of water a day.	Damn, Glen. Where did you find this guy? What? You said, "We need someone on weather. Go hire a meaty urologist."

1254. God: Year One

by squidrabies on September 23, 2005
Rating: 8.06 (31 votes)

God: Year One by squidrabies 9-23-05
You gave me free will so now I can sin and go to Hell? Yep.	I don't want it then. Too bad.	You're cruel. Oops, that's sin number one. Try not to be in Hell by the time I get back from lunch.

1255. Fucking Windows

by choadwarrior on May 12, 2010
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Fucking Windows by choadwarrior 5-12-10
SHIT COCK BALLS GODDAMN PRICK TITTY FUCKING ASSRAMMING PUSSY CUNT SMEGMA FISTING GANGBANG DONKEY PUNCH BUKAKKE SLUT CUM SHOT FELCHER!		My cursor stopped working.

1256. Ain't Getting Nun

by AccentuateNegative on March 30, 2009
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Ain't Getting Nun by AccentuateNegative 3-30-09
So you've never had sex with a man?	Of course not, I'm married to the Lord.	Well, he's been fucking me for years, but that doesn't stop me from getting a little something on the side.

1257. Overqualified

by muffindance on January 18, 2009
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Overqualified by muffindance 1-18-09
HELLO WHAT IS YOUR PREVIOUS JOB EXPERIENCE	I SUCK COCKS BEHIND SEARS	YOU ARE OVERQUALIFIED

1258. The Punk Way

by LittleRocker on January 6, 2009
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

The Punk Way by LittleRocker 1-06-09
Put a shirt on dear, you look like a gay... I am gay, grandma...	Well then howcome you don't have a boyfriend? -Sigh-	I'll go put a shirt on...

1259. Wishlist

by Hatrix on November 4, 2008
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Wishlist by Hatrix 11-04-08
A month before xmas Mom can I get this playset for xmas? Oh you never know! Santa may already have got that for you *wink*.	A week before xmas Hey mom I know I mentioned that playset and the legos and the teddy but do you think santa might bring me this? Heh. Well Santa has a big sleigh! I expect he's got it covered. *wink*	Merry fucking xmas! Mom I like the socks and underwear but um what happened to all the stuff on santa's sleigh? Guess he gave it to the kids who deserved it.

1260. The Aristocrats!

by seanator on July 29, 2008
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

The Aristocrats! by seanator 7-29-08
One fine day... So there I was... Fucking this guy in the ass... ...boy am I ever giving it to him, my balls slapping against his ass cheeks like a Newton's Cradle...	...he begins to bleed, and the blood-cum mixture runs off my scrotum and drip drip drips onto the floor... ...it's so beautiful! Like a magical symphony! He shits and it oozes from around my dick like play-doh... pure bliss!	...then he asks me to kiss him! Can you believe it? Kiss him! Like some sort of faggot! I hate when he talks about craigslist

1261. Impossibility

by NeoVid on May 5, 2008
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Impossibility by NeoVid 5-05-08
My girlfriend wants it so often it's killing me. Uh... yeah.	I really feel sorry for you, man. Seriously, she's a complete... what's the word for a woman who can't get enough sex?	"Godsend?" "Imaginary?"

1262. Behind the Bible

by JStrong on October 4, 2007
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Behind the Bible by JStrong 10-04-07
It was here that Jesus performed what was, perhaps, one of his best-known miracles. Dude, I bet I could totally walk accross that water.	Not so well known, however, were the complications that arose. You know, there aren't a whole lot of landmarks out here...	Seriously. Where the hell am I?

1263. This Fall's PBS Kids Lineup

by UnknownEric on September 5, 2007
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

This Fall's PBS Kids Lineup by UnknownEric 9-05-07
This fall on PBS Kids, get ready for the kid-friendly action of "Bob the Douchebag"... Will he fuck you then not ever call you again? YES! HE! WILL!	..."Politically Correct Tigger and Pooh"... I am rejecting my slave name. You may now refer to me as a Tiger-American. And I'm Defecationally Challenged!	...and everybody's favorite, "Make Way For Naddies!" How the fuck does he WALK with those?

1264. Why Timmy is afraid of squirrels

by boorite on August 15, 2007
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Why Timmy is afraid of squirrels

I'm sorry you had to see that.

by boorite, 8-15-07

1265. And the coconuts called me crazy for building that bench...

by umfumdisi on July 8, 2007
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

And the coconuts called me crazy for building that bench... by umfumdisi 7-08-07
	Thanks for picking me up. Luckily for you, I used to be a bus driver.

1266. Game Night

by HCRoyall on April 30, 2007
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Game Night by HCRoyall 4-30-07
Luke, You've come across a wagon full of goods and a merchant in the middle of nowhere as you ride to catch up with your friends. I'm going to kill him and take his wagon and wares.	And if your friends ask where the wagon came from? I tell them the truth.	That you killed the merchant and took his stuff? No, that I came across the wagon in the middle of nowhwere.

1267. Hostage Situation

by ObiJo on January 22, 2007
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Hostage Situation by ObiJo 1-22-07
Hello, Michael, my name's Joe. I'm a negotiator for the LAPD. I'm here to try to help us get through this without you or any of the hostages getting hurt. That sound good, Mike? May I call you Mike?		Ok, so that's a no to Mike.

1268. Sam the Satanist (2)

by evil_d on August 2, 2005
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Sam the Satanist (2) by evil_d 8-02-05
Ah... ah... ACHOOOO!	May the Dark Master consume your soul.	Uh... I guess that's what you Satanists say when someone sneezes, huh? Oh, you sneezed?

1269. True Tales of Job Interviews (3)

by choadwarrior on April 25, 2004
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

True Tales of Job Interviews (3) by choadwarrior 4-25-04
What responsibilities did you have in your last job? The difference between a .38 caliber and a .45 caliber round is the stopping power.	What the hell does he think I asked him. Plus, in a 1911 model, you can get a 10 round clip plus one in the chamber--that's five more rounds than a revolver.	Um...this is an accounting job. So?

1270. Gang Slang

by not_Scyess on January 21, 2004
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Gang Slang by not_Scyess 1-21-04
Doo'! Don't be sizzlin' my drizzle, yo. STOP RIGHT THERE!	'sup? I'm going to have to site you for improper gang slang. "Sizzle" and "drizzle" are actually words.	Don' be dazzlin' yo' muzzle puzzle at me, fo' nozzle. NO NO NO!

1271. Untitled

by wirthling on October 9, 2001
Rating: 8.06 (18 votes)

Untitled by wirthling 10-09-01
Why'd you do do that? To show my patriotism.

1272. Hand

by Cities on April 5, 2005
Rating: 8.05 (64 votes)

Hand by Cities 4-05-05
what's that written all over your hand, son? oh, just some names. i'm really bad at remembering them you see, um...		...mom.

1273. Old McDonald

by Injokester on June 27, 2006
Rating: 8.05 (41 votes)

Old McDonald by Injokester 6-27-06
Look Mildred, it's just not as simple as that. Sometimes you just can't see the world in black and white. What are you saying?	You're ugly and I want to start seeing other cows.	Brown ones.

1274. You jump I jump, right?

by krandall on May 26, 2008
Rating: 8.04 (28 votes)

You jump I jump, right? by krandall 5-26-08
Jack Dawson? Hello! Has anyone seen Jack Dawson? I'm looking for Jack Dawson.	Where is that little bitch anyway?	Fuck it. I'm sinking the whole ship.

1275. Water Troll

by mandingo on December 6, 2007
Rating: 8.04 (28 votes)

Water Troll by mandingo 12-06-07
i be Eddy the water troll, guarding this cooler's my goal, if ye want a drink, then before i thrice blink, guess my name or lose your soul! Eddy	scrumbuttles! everyone be guessing it! well, you say it in your little intro rhyme thingy there	THAT NOT BE COUNTING THEN! too late, water troll! too late.

1276. Klu Klux Klown

by HCRoyall on June 27, 2007
Rating: 8.04 (28 votes)

Klu Klux Klown by HCRoyall 6-27-07
Everyone knows about the Holocaust. Right...	Did you know the total death count was six million Jews and one clown? They killed a clown?	I TOLD you no one cares about the Jews.

1277. Self-Censorship

by choadwarrior on February 13, 2006
Rating: 8.17 (30 votes)

Self-Censorship by choadwarrior 2-13-06
Your order will be right up--can I get your name? It's ****.	How do you spell that? Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk.	That's an interesting name. It's short for Richard.

1278. Sally's Request

by biped on December 18, 2005
Rating: 8.04 (28 votes)

Sally's Request by biped 12-18-05
Greetings, all you kids in television land! I'm Milburn J. Peenis of the Peenis T.V. Dinner Corporation.	"Forget Swanson's! Forget Banquet! Tell your mommy you want to eat a big, delicious 'PEENIS' for dinner tonight!" Okay!	Where's Sally? Military school.

1279. Caring for the dog

by mandingo on July 16, 2005
Rating: 8.04 (28 votes)

Caring for the dog by mandingo 7-16-05
but i don't WANT to shovel dog poop! it's gross! i already feed him and walk him and give him water! isn't that enough! Justin, i'm not teaching you these things to be the 'mean stepdad.' i know it's hard work and probably will be for years to come, but trust me, i'm doing this out of love	out of love? yes, Justin. i know that might be difficult to understand right now, but it's true	so what you're saying is if i want to ditch all this hard work, all i have to do is make you stop loving me? no, Justin. you have to make me stop loving the dog

1280. Victims of 9/11 part 7

by Creature_From_Beyond on June 19, 2008
Rating: 8.04 (23 votes)

Victims of 9/11 part 7 by Creature_From_Beyond 6-19-08
8:33 AM September 11, 2001 WTC 1 98th floor Favorite super power. Invisibility of course. Three words: Girls Locker Room	No way! Flying is totally better! Flying is the stupidest super power EVER.

1281. At The Office: Have you heard?

by melvin2345 on January 16, 2008
Rating: 8.04 (23 votes)

At The Office: Have you heard? by melvin2345 1-16-08
Hey Jeff, did you hear about the big merger? What fuckin merger?	We're merging with GloboCon Tech. Starting next month, all their people will be in this building with us. Not if they don't make it through the night......	Jeff, you can't just murder all your problems away. I could if you'd let me.

1282. Saturday morning cartoons

by mandingo on December 8, 2007
Rating: 8.04 (23 votes)

Saturday morning cartoons by mandingo 12-08-07
as kids, Saturday morning cartoons used to be the highlight of our week. now all they have on Saturday mornings are these stupid, goddamn infomercials. the networks should be ashamed of themselves		no way that cuts through the can