Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

101. Just Don't Ask

by four_legged_tripod on February 8, 2010
Rating: 8.8 (25 votes)

Just Don't Ask by four_legged_tripod 2-08-10
This has got to be the best first date I've ever been on. Me too. What are you thinking right now?	I was wondering, if when we get back to your place, if you would kiss me good night. Oh.	What are you thinking right now? I was wondering, if when we get back to my place, if you would suck my dick.

102. Door Number Three

by LuckyGuess on December 12, 2008
Rating: 8.75 (28 votes)

Door Number Three by LuckyGuess 12-12-08
	Please, my Lord, allow me to present you with this humble gift of gold.	This humble gift of WHAT?! We had a spending limit, asshole!

103. Travel Sick

by TheGovernor on February 9, 2009
Rating: 8.75 (20 votes)

Travel Sick by TheGovernor 2-09-09
You know Sharing a car for the journey to work was a good idea, we're making great time.....Err could you hold the wheel for one moment? Sure, why?	YARARGAJH , Waaa Waaa Bloom, beep bob ba zaaghhhhhhhrrrNN, Aeyeeee Munnnnn NNNNNGGGgg!!!!	Sorry I should have warned you, I suffer from Carpool Tunnel Syndrome.

104. Farmland

by Murica on August 21, 2014
Rating: 8.75 (16 votes)

Farmland by Murica 8-21-14
Moo.	I said Mooooo. Meow.	Get your shit together, Larry.

105. B.O.A.T.S. - Kids Are Great. Here, Take Mine.

by ZMannZilla on November 7, 2010
Rating: 8.75 (16 votes)

B.O.A.T.S. - Kids Are Great. Here, Take Mine. by ZMannZilla 11-07-10
Y'know Geoff, a lot of people ask me about what it's like being a new dad, and here's what I tell them:	I've been barfed on and peed on. I handle liquid poop with my bare hands. I speak the nuanced language of baby cries, and have grown nearly immune to their shrieking. I have learned what a colorful place the world is on just 3 hours of sleep a night. I have discovered vast untapped wealth by never going out on weekends.	Yup, being a dad has many rewards. I definitely recommend the experience to everyo Sir, I am a parking meter. You probably need medical attention.

106. Coo Coo for You

by four_legged_tripod on February 18, 2010
Rating: 8.75 (16 votes)

Coo Coo for You by four_legged_tripod 2-18-10
You have such a beautiful face and your hands are exquisite.	You give purpose to my life and keep me on track.	She's not interested in you that way. Besides, this relationship is just not natural. Hey! Quit clock blocking me dude!

107. It's Coming!

by pinkyswear on August 11, 2009
Rating: 8.75 (16 votes)

It's Coming! by pinkyswear 8-11-09
		Forget it. I am not going to spend my whole afternoon watching you try to grow a beard. Wait! I think my chin feels a little bit hairier!

108. ...and you can take your kilo of peanut butter with you

by lima on May 10, 2009
Rating: 8.75 (16 votes)

...and you can take your kilo of peanut butter with you by lima 5-10-09
I like bread. I love wholemeal bread. Not only does it taste really nice but when you eat it you also know that its also good for you. But then, sometimes, it feels really good to have a change, so you get that really cheap white bread	Its all maleable and sickly but it feels so good to eat. Its like a little guilty pleasure for a few days before you go back to wholemeal. It's a bit like women, really...	...hence the hooker I'm still kicking you out, Charles

109. CC403: Return of an old friend

by mmyers on October 17, 2008
Rating: 8.75 (16 votes)

CC403: Return of an old friend by mmyers 10-17-08
Who the fuck are you? I'm your youthful charm and youthful good looks and youthful enthusiasm.	Where the fuck have you been the last 8 years? Well shucks, I got blunted by long work days, no vacations, psychotic girlfriends, and reality TV. But I'm back now and I'm ready to take up where we left off. Get back to our youth!	I'm drunk, aren't I? Absolutely shit faced. Now let's try to fuck a stripper and go get into a fist fight.

110. Like It, Or Not

by AccentuateNegative on November 22, 2007
Rating: 8.75 (16 votes)

Like It, Or Not by AccentuateNegative 11-22-07
I don't like country music. You have to hear Honky Tonk Badonkadonk.	I don't like Brussel sprouts. You have to try them the way I make it.	I don't like long, sloppy blowjobs from hot strangers I meet in bars. I'm not falling for that again.

111. Self-selection

by mandingo on September 5, 2007
Rating: 8.75 (16 votes)

Self-selection by mandingo 9-05-07
help! Darwinism talks about natural selection, but isn't there also "self" selection?	Help! if you don't put yourself into dangerous situations, aren't you more likely to survive and reproduce, and thus self-selecting?	Luigi! HEEEEEEEEEELP! it's funny how philosophical one becomes when faced with an 800-pound barrel-wielding gorilla

112. Stone Cold

by four_legged_tripod on July 14, 2015
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Stone Cold by four_legged_tripod 7-14-15
Brenda? Holy shit! It worked! You did turn to stone!	Well, as long as you've got yer mouth open...

113. Smokey Bear

by four_legged_tripod on November 1, 2013
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Smokey Bear by four_legged_tripod 11-01-13
Only you can prevent forest fires Timmy. Really? Gee, thanks Smokey!	In other news, forest fires continue to rage out of control.	What part of "ONLY YOU" can prevent this shit did you not understand, Fucktard?

114. Real Life: Christmas Trap

by four_legged_tripod on December 27, 2012
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Real Life: Christmas Trap by four_legged_tripod 12-27-12
What kind of an asshole are you? What kind of person does that? This is unforgiveable! I will never forget this ever! But I thought- - -	You didn't think! That's your problem you son of a bitch! I think we should get divorced! What?	One month earlier... Hey, I know we're tight on cash so let's just buy the kids Christmas presents and not buy each other anything. Uh, okay.

115. Immortal Kombat

by four_legged_tripod on May 27, 2012
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Immortal Kombat by four_legged_tripod 5-27-12
Finish Him! Hya! Augh!	Winner!	3 Days Later I'm back! What the hell?

116. Jay

by mandingo on April 17, 2011
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Jay by mandingo 4-17-11
out the way, foo easy, tigerella. you picked the wrong bull. ask your FRIENDS about me!	...so he's sobbing, right, and i'm like "Jay, come out of the bathroom." and he's like, "when Bambi gets his mom back!!" a crowd's gathering, theatre's closing, snot's running down his face...	not her.

117. Some Things Weren't Meant to Celebrate

by four_legged_tripod on March 18, 2011
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Some Things Weren't Meant to Celebrate by four_legged_tripod 3-18-11
Oh yes! Give it to me! Faster! Faster!	HAPPY NATIONAL "AWKWARD MOMENT DAY"!!! What the hell, mom? Can't you see I'm busy? Get out of my bedroom now!	Soooooo, is she gonna join us or what?

118. Undead in Bed

by AccentuateNegative on December 23, 2010
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Undead in Bed by AccentuateNegative 12-23-10
You know, it wouldn't kill you to move around every now and then.		And you can put that fist right back where it came from, mister.

119. Vocabulary class

by ladyjdotnet on October 8, 2010
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Vocabulary class by ladyjdotnet 10-08-10
I heard some really bad words today that I am not supposed to say! I heard the S word! The S word? Hmmm, you can tell it to me if you promise not to say it again.	The S word is "STUPID!" I also heard the C word! That IS a bad word. You're right. You shouldn't say that word. What's the C word?	It's "cunt," stupid.

120. What if God was one of us.

by BobCheeseburger on May 5, 2010
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

What if God was one of us. by BobCheeseburger 5-05-10
Our customers have discovered how much we've penetrated the corporate sector, they're irate we don't bundle products across our total holdings. Like "get 5% off your phone service if you convert to Christianity today"?	Problem is we don't want them to know how much we've penetrated the religious sector nor reward them for converting between 2 religions we own. How about we get legal to integrate 24 month minimum commitments into each faith switch, then sting them for exiting fees?	Genius!

121. Ziggy's Golden Years: What's on the Menu

by four_legged_tripod on March 3, 2010
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Ziggy's Golden Years: What's on the Menu by four_legged_tripod 3-03-10
...Our super-saver special today is breadsticks and ice water!	Just because I'm a short, bald, old guy eating dinner at 4 in the afternoon by myself does not mean that I want your cheap ass super-saver special.	Very well sir. What can I get you then? I'll have the super-saver special.

122. Prompt Horse

by biped on January 15, 2010
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Prompt Horse by biped 1-15-10
Well--as usual--the only person who showed up on time for today's meeting was Prompt Horse.	So you should all take a lesson from Prompt Horse. In the future--be more like Prompt Horse.	Does that mean we should all take a shit in the hallway on our way in?

123. CC 432: Real Life Overlord

by four_legged_tripod on September 3, 2009
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

CC 432: Real Life Overlord by four_legged_tripod 9-03-09
MUH WA HA HA HA HA!!! You will never defeat me! My fortress is impenetrable and your pewny weapon has no effect on me!	You're my slave; my bitch! You must bow to my every whim if you wish to remain even marginally happy in your pathetic existence.	For Christ's sake! Can't you just say you have a headache like every other woman?

124. Glass Slipper Covered in KY

by flipynif1 on May 6, 2005
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Glass Slipper Covered in KY by flipynif1 5-06-05
*Squish squish.. Oh yeah...oh baby, yeah take it all, uh uh uh...	*Squish squish.. Ahem, Sir, Do you realize you are fucking a pumpkin?	*squish squish*....Uh.....Is it midnight already?

125. Mysteries of the Vegan Unknowable

by smamurai on May 14, 2004
Rating: 8.75 (12 votes)

Mysteries of the Vegan Unknowable by smamurai 5-14-04
National Vegan Society Headquarters... You're fucking firing me? I thought this was a volunteer position? We're all fed up of your purile pranks Brad, and last week you were spotted eating a hot-dog.	Pranks? I don't know what you mean. Anyway most guys in here eat meat every day. That's nonsense, I speak for myself and most of our staff when I say I haven't eaten meat in decades.	Oh yeah? Try telling that to the sea-monkeys I put in the water-cooler last week. See this is what I'm talking about.

126. Real Life: Why LOTR Felt Like a 6 Hour Movie

by four_legged_tripod on April 3, 2017
Rating: 8.75 (8 votes)

Real Life: Why LOTR Felt Like a 6 Hour Movie by four_legged_tripod 4-03-17
8pm Wait. Why are they doing that? I don't know. I'm watching the movie for the first time like you are.	9pm What did he mean by that? Again, I don't know. I'm assuming they'll explain it if we just continue to watch the movie.	10pm Now why would that happen? Does it look like I wrote the fucking script?!

127. CC664: And don't just leave it on a Post-It on your monitor

by evil_d on March 20, 2017
Rating: 8.89 (9 votes)

CC664: And don't just leave it on a Post-It on your monitor by evil_d 3-20-17
"123456" Sorry, your password must be at least seven characters long, and must contain at least one of each of these: a lowercase letter, an uppercase letter, a number, a punctuation mark,	an emoji, a kanji, a kireji, a hieroglyph, a space, a backspace, an onomatopoeia, a chemical formula, a catchy tune,	a line from one of the lost plays of Aristophanes, Donald Trump's adjusted gross income for any year, a verse of scripture from the one true religion,

128. Porkman & Finchy Are Completely And Utterly Unemployable

by ZMannZilla on April 6, 2016
Rating: 8.89 (9 votes)

Porkman & Finchy Are Completely And Utterly Unemployable by ZMannZilla 4-06-16
Holy Cursewords Porkman! Your resume is literally two solid pages of 12-point Times New Roman LIES! PORKMAN ASKED FOR PROOF READS NOT CRITIQUE! Besides, is just creative truth enhancement, not lies!	I'm just saying, dude... A little fib here or there is cool, but how are you going to keep all this outlandish fiction straight during your interview? Relax Finchy. Porkman is smooth like the cream cheese on a morning Egg McMuffin.	So it says here that from 2004 to 2008 you were Burt Reynolds? AMAZING, RIGHT?!

129. Brexit in a nutshell #2

by TheGovernor on October 25, 2016
Rating: 8.75 (8 votes)

Brexit in a nutshell #2 by TheGovernor 10-25-16
Five..............Four.......	Three.......Two........One Thunderbirds are go?	Nope just counting how many dollars I get for my pound sterling in real time

130. His Wonderful Movie Reviews Turn 50 - A Tribute To Biped

by ZMannZilla on November 8, 2015
Rating: 8.75 (8 votes)

His Wonderful Movie Reviews Turn 50 - A Tribute To Biped by ZMannZilla 11-08-15
Biped was right, mommy! CAESAR AND OTTO'S PARANORMAL HALLOWEEN really DID have an inventive script and a strong cast! Aww...I'm so glad you're enjoying him, sweetie. Biped is one of Mommy's most trusted film critics.	You know, Ed, sometimes I worry that Biped will recommend something Sally won't like. I used to worry about that, then I walked in on what she watches between Biped reviews.	18 hours of static HAHAHAHAHA!!!

131. cc620

by mandingo on September 2, 2015
Rating: 8.75 (8 votes)

cc620 by mandingo 9-02-15
people are always asking me how i landed this gig. not a minute of college. hell, didn't even finish high school. yet here i am - VP.	truth be told, i wouldn't get a THING done if it weren't for COFFEE.	ain't that right, Coffee? fuck you, Don.