Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

51. CC 451: Prophet and Loss

by kaufman on May 13, 2010
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

CC 451: Prophet and Loss by kaufman 5-13-10
Hi there. Today we are honored to have a very special guest, the ghost of my great-grandfather, who on this very date 100 years ago, did... tell us what. I made a comic for this very contest, about the world 100 years in the future. Give it a look.	In the year 2010 ... Excuse me, sir. I'd like to buy some stock. What kind of man do you think I am? I'm a BROKER! All I do is make my customers broke.	As you see, gramps had quite the gift of precognition. By the way, Kenny, don't get your hopes up. You're not going to win.

52. Simian Says: Clueless

by four_legged_tripod on June 16, 2009
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Simian Says: Clueless by four_legged_tripod 6-16-09
Look kid, you're sweet and all, but I'm more interested in seeing your older sister this way. Ah, come on man. What's she got that I don't?		I really need to start hanging out with smarter kids.

53. Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Painted Parakeet

by lima on May 4, 2009
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Wikipedia Random Article Comic: Painted Parakeet by lima 5-04-09
The 'Painted Parakeet' is a South American bird in the Psittacidae family, the 'true' parrots. El Pintó Perico es un pájaro sudamericano en la familia de Psittacidae, los loros "verdaderos".	Like its Parrot cousin, the Parakeet has the capability to mimic speech. Como su primo del loro, el Perico tiene la capacidad para mímico discurso.	Unlike its Parrot cousin, it lacks the capability to mimic in English. ¿Qué?

54. You're a Book Store, Aintcha

by christopher7murphy on April 20, 2009
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

You're a Book Store, Aintcha by christopher7murphy 4-20-09
So...what do you think about the remodel? Looking pretty sharp, huh! WOW! It's so big...and look at that? Is that a coffee machine?	Yep! I can't believe how nice this place looks.	But you still don't have any GOOD books.

55. Cats

by kissMyCartoon on January 16, 2008
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Cats by kissMyCartoon 1-16-08
What did you do today? Reduced the polarity of the neutron flow by the power of X into infinity and rotated the earths axis by 3 degrees, what did you do?	Played with string

56. FTC 115: Pearls for swine

by lukket on August 22, 2007
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

FTC 115: Pearls for swine by lukket 8-22-07
Yes? Is your household adequately covered by Wolf's Breath Insurance?	Well... I don't have wolf's breath. What is that smell then?	I live in a pigsty. Nevermind.

57. The Everyday Atheist

by docmike on May 9, 2007
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

The Everyday Atheist by docmike 5-09-07
One day at the post office Excuse me... I see you're buying a full book of stamps and I just need one. Can I buy one off you for fifty cents? Hang on a second and I'll give you one for free.	Thanks, Brother. No problem.	I just want you to know that Jesus loves you and God has a plan for your life. On second thought, make that five bucks. I think God's plan includes me being a millionaire asshole.

58. Translation Part - 1

by up4abeer on May 7, 2007
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Translation Part - 1 by up4abeer 5-07-07
An evaluation of your digital infrastructure revealed inadequate encryption algorithms deployed for encapsulation and transmission of authentication data.	He watched your network traffic and read your passwords like they were written on the wall of a public restroom	The severity of this vulnerability is heightened due to the simplistic key space used in hash creation with regard to authentication data complexity policies. Resulting in financial loss.

59. Sally Sees Red

by biped on February 16, 2007
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Sally Sees Red by biped 2-16-07
HATRED!!! HATRED!!! HATRED!!! Sally! Why in heaven's name do you keep saying "hatred"?	Because I hate Red Buttons. "Hate Red"--thus, "hatred." GRRRRRRRR!!! Red Buttons? But why in the world would you hate Red Buttons?	Because I found his performance in "Sayonara" to be off-puttingly cloying and ineffectual. GO TO YOUR ROOM!!!

60. christmas at the choppingblock household

by mandingo on August 26, 2006
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

christmas at the choppingblock household by mandingo 8-26-06
did you get everything you wanted for christmas, Butch? almost, dad	i got you all the stuff on your list. chainsaws, axes, cadavers of hobos, eye hooks, eyes, eyehooked eyes... i know, but there was something really specific i wrote a very detailed letter to Santa about but i guess he didn't get it	come on, Santa. you've been in there over an hour. you can't still be vomiting Santa? oh there is no Santa, my friend. Santa died 3 adjectives and half a paragraph ago

61. The 9/11 of Masturbation

by boloboffin on August 21, 2006
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

The 9/11 of Masturbation by boloboffin 8-21-06
Oh, yeah. oh oh oh oh oh oh. dirty girl. you want it, don't you! oh yeah. oh oh oh oh oh migod oh oh oh oh	slutty slut slut slut oh yeah oh. oh. oh. take it... I see you.	GAHHHH! Now go invade Iraq.

62. Her cheating heart

by ladyjdotnet on December 26, 2005
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Her cheating heart by ladyjdotnet 12-26-05
I'm sorry to hear about your divorce... If you don't mind me asking, what happened? Well, she was cheating.	Oh my goodness, that's terrible! Yeah, I'd come home from work every day, and there she'd be, playing World of Warcraft.	Online romance, eh? No, it was MY TURN to play on those nights. She was such a cheater!

63. Clueless 7

by HCRoyall on October 6, 2005
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Clueless 7 by HCRoyall 10-06-05
So things were getting really hot, right, and I pull her blouse off and undo her bra. Her hands are all over me, and I jam a finger in her ass; she starts moaning like it's the best thing she's ever felt.	I'm all like "Awww yeah" and she gets down on her knees and starts to suck me off, but I have to donkey punch her a couple of times because she keeps using her teeth, right? She tries to lead me to the bedroom but I tell her to lie on the floor and put her feet behind her ears and...	Don't give me that look. You know you want to try it.

64. Clueless 3

by HCRoyall on October 6, 2005
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Clueless 3 by HCRoyall 10-06-05
That cute waitress cursed me out last night. Huge knockers or no, that was the last straw. So I had a few words with her manager.	She was fired on the spot. I felt pretty smug, but she she ran out of the restaraunt in tears I felt this awful pain deep down inside.	I figured it was just some indigestion, so I took some Pepto-Bismol.

65. Satan Place 5: Crime and Punishment

by kaufman on October 2, 2002
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Satan Place 5: Crime and Punishment by kaufman 10-02-02
When an eel hits your eye and you feel like you'll die, that's a moray. Nun of your bismuth.	And those were the fire pits where the world's tyrants are damned. Over here in the ice fields are the incorrigible punsters. Be very careful what you say around here. I have a question. I saw Stalin and Genghis Khan in the fire pits, but not Hitler. Shouldn't he be there too?	Oh, Hitler's not dead yet. He's alive and well and living in Argentina. Ah, so hell hath no Fuhrer? ... OWWWWWW!

66. Untitled

by ladyjdotnet on September 15, 2001
Rating: 9 (5 votes)

Untitled by ladyjdotnet 9-15-01
Can I talk to you for a moment about Jesus?	No. Encyclopedias?	Ginsu knives?

67. The Chicken or the Argh

by ladyjdotnet on July 30, 2013
Rating: 8.93 (14 votes)

The Chicken or the Argh by ladyjdotnet 7-30-13
...You know, our workplace offers free counseling sessions to help you deal with your stress and anxiety. Yes.	You can even use their website to read the counselors' bios and set up an appointment. See, that's just it. You CAN'T. The website is all kinds of slow to load and if it finally does, the LINKS are BROKEN.	That sounds like it could cause stress and anxiety. Yes.

68. My Charges Will Go On

by boloboffin on July 26, 2011
Rating: 8.93 (14 votes)

My Charges Will Go On by boloboffin 7-26-11
I'm naming my new phone the Titanic.	Every time it syncs, only a third of the information is saved.

69. What if God was one of us.

by BobCheeseburger on May 5, 2010
Rating: 8.93 (14 votes)

What if God was one of us. by BobCheeseburger 5-05-10
We need some new artwork to decorate the lobby. What's wrong with the way it's decorated now?	300 wood carvings of you on the cross? It's creepy as all fuck. I want something new. But it's classic. Timeless. Traditional.	I'll tell you what, you pose for new statues, we can keep it your way. What's that? Nothing to say?. Yeah, thought so.

70. Where Are They Now

by Aylear on March 24, 2009
Rating: 8.93 (14 votes)

Where Are They Now

Rook to C7, checkmate. Shit. Best (3.5 x (10^42))+1 out of (7 x (10^42))?

by Aylear, 3-24-09

71. Hindsight

by choadwarrior on July 20, 2008
Rating: 8.93 (14 votes)

Hindsight by choadwarrior 7-20-08
I want to see the tattoo on your butt. Sorry, the only woman who gets to see it here is Anni.	You'll show a 62 year old woman, but you won't show me? Well, one day at lunch she asked me what it would take for me to show her.	I really wish I had thought of something other than "flash your tits."

72. DormZ 3

by carefully_strange on February 27, 2008
Rating: 8.93 (14 votes)

DormZ 3 by carefully_strange 2-27-08
DormZ So, why is my roomate a monkey? I am here as a government experement testing entrance criteria for University	What, you're testing if even you can get in? No. I am testing if even you can.	You are not doing so good thus far. You have not even questioned why I can talk.

73. No No... After You

by Hatrix on August 29, 2007
Rating: 8.92 (79 votes)

No No... After You by Hatrix 8-29-07
I'm hoooome and you would NOT believe the DAY I've had! I'm in here...		You first.

74. Go Do That Voodoo

by choadwarrior on May 19, 2008
Rating: 8.9 (59 votes)

Go Do That Voodoo by choadwarrior 5-19-08
Nice outfit. I decided to pattern my life around yours so that one day I can follow in your footsteps.	What's in the briefcase? Nobody.	What? Nothing.

75. Alternative Fuel

by TheGovernor on November 12, 2014
Rating: 8.89 (18 votes)

Alternative Fuel by TheGovernor 11-12-14
We try to be a green company around here, this building is actually powered entirely on bullshit Really?	Damn, the power's out, quick say something that's totally bullshit America's private insurance based healthcare system is clearly a better funding model than western Europe's socialised system	Great work, that should keep us going 'till noon Ever thought of simply popping a tv in the corner with Fox News on?

76. Jesus Tastes Like Chicken

by four_legged_tripod on April 23, 2013
Rating: 8.89 (18 votes)

Jesus Tastes Like Chicken by four_legged_tripod 4-23-13
Forgive me father for I have sinned. What have you done my child?	I ate a crucifix after dipping it in ranch. Say seven Hail Marys my son.	What for? Cross dressing.

77. CC674: How hard

by evil_d on September 5, 2017
Rating: 8.89 (9 votes)

CC674: How hard by evil_d 9-05-17
I've found it! The world's smallest violin!	Can you believe it? I ask for a venti half-caf soy latte with two shots of caramel and they give me one shot! How hard is it to get a decent coffee in this town?	And not a moment too soon!

78. CC 623

by jes_lawson on September 28, 2015
Rating: 8.89 (9 votes)

CC 623 by jes_lawson 9-28-15
So what's the prognosis, Doc? You know that condition Stephen Hawking has?	Oh my God! ALS? No, talking like a robot. You're going to develop that in about 3 months.	Is it serious? Serious? It's hilarious!

79. Spock-Blocked

by FactoryRejects on February 27, 2015
Rating: 8.89 (9 votes)

Spock-Blocked by FactoryRejects 2-27-15
No. But I was gonna ask him questions about how the Enterpri-	NO. No. and no. You will not be bothering Leonard. Go to your room. ...I HATE YOU	...Jesus Christ. That kid will be the death of me.

80. Won't See That on TV

by four_legged_tripod on July 24, 2014
Rating: 8.89 (9 votes)

Won't See That on TV by four_legged_tripod 7-24-14
This is it! I've finally tracked down that deadly, well-armed, violent killer in this abandoned warehouse where no one else is.	I guess I'll follow protocol, radio for backup and quietly wait until they arrive.

81. Brexit in a nutshell

by TheGovernor on August 16, 2016
Rating: 8.89 (9 votes)

Brexit in a nutshell by TheGovernor 8-16-16
That's it Europe we're through, I'm leaving you It's for the best really	It's not you, it's me Actually I just realised you own all the cool CDs and have a better friend circle	Oh shit, maybe this wasn't such a good idea PLEASE TAKE ME BACK!

82. CC 531: looks better than her driver's license photo

by ottoKorrect on April 3, 2013
Rating: 8.89 (9 votes)

CC 531: looks better than her driver's license photo by ottoKorrect 4-03-13
I need to see two forms of ID please. Really? Quinn, it's me Marla. We went to school together.	I'm sorry but I need to see two forms of ID please. Oh I get it. You'd only recognize me if I was naked on all fours from behind with my arse spread. Fine. If that's what you want, that's what you'll get.	Dad! Don't look! Marla?