Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

401. I've Been A Bitch All Week

by choadwarrior on May 11, 2006
Rating: 8.5 (20 votes)

I've Been A Bitch All Week by choadwarrior 5-11-06
I like your tie. Thanks, I like your...uhhhh...	...uhhhhhh...	...taste in men's clothing.

402. Random Comic! Holiday Cheers

by Scyess on May 22, 2002
Rating: 8.57 (21 votes)

Random Comic! Holiday Cheers by Scyess 5-22-02
I am the Ghost of Christmas Past! Tonight I will... Stop right there, buddy. I'm Jewish.	Uh... then, er... I AM THE SPIRIT OF CHANNUKA PAST! Sorry, but Channuka is one of our least significant holidays. The only reason anyone cares about it is that it comes around Christmas time.	Umm... I am the hallucination caused by drinking Everclear straight from the bottle! Well, all right then.

403. A Couple Decades Ago in the Brin Household

by kaufman on October 25, 2016
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

A Couple Decades Ago in the Brin Household by kaufman 10-25-16
10,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,003	10,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,002	10,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,001 For crying out loud, Sergei, it doesn't really matter. Just name the company after the next number you say.

404. One network to rule them all

by TheGovernor on September 23, 2015
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

One network to rule them all by TheGovernor 9-23-15
One does not simply log into Facebook, Its Black Gates are guarded by more than just Orcs. There is evil there that does not sleep, and the great eye is ever watchful. ..	... This evil cannot be concealed by the power of Google Plus. We do not have the strength to withstand both Facebook and Whatsapp.	Hey your computers acting very weird and geeky Yeah sorry, I installed it on a Tolkien Ring Network

405. Dr. Brown Said...

by four_legged_tripod on September 21, 2015
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Dr. Brown Said...

My gynocologist said I can't have sex for two weeks. What did your proctologist say?

by four_legged_tripod, 9-21-15

406. On This Day - Feb 29th

by four_legged_tripod on January 23, 2014
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

On This Day - Feb 29th

Dinah Shore was born - 1916 Congratulations! It's a girl! Thanks doc. I'm gonna name her after you!

by four_legged_tripod, 1-23-14

407. Getting Warmer

by four_legged_tripod on March 12, 2013
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Getting Warmer

Hey! Who left my ear muffs in the kitchen?!

by four_legged_tripod, 3-12-13

408. Real Life: Family Game Night

by four_legged_tripod on March 16, 2012
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Real Life: Family Game Night by four_legged_tripod 3-16-12
First word. Man's name. You're pointing to your groin. Balls. Penis. Dick! It's Dick! Stretch it out. Longer. Long dick. Big dick. The new bag boy at the grocery store. Sam! The first word is Sam!	Time! The first word was Richard. I was trying to get you to say the long form of the name Dick. Sorry about that.	By the way, who's Sam?

409. The Spirit of Giving

by areallystupidguy on December 24, 2011
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

The Spirit of Giving by areallystupidguy 12-24-11
a... a mousepad? but i sold my mouse to get you this tie! a tie? but i sold you to get myself this ipad!		what merry christmas

410. bottled anger

by RCCOLAMAN on October 31, 2011
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

bottled anger by RCCOLAMAN 10-31-11
The preparations are complete sir, shall we begin the operation? Yes. The time for action is now, soon we will have retribution for our bottled brethren!! We will not relent until they are free!!	Onwards!! Die infidels!!	*splish splosh* Sigh, the one day I forget my umbrella it just had to rain.

411. 6 Degrees

by four_legged_tripod on May 10, 2011
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

6 Degrees by four_legged_tripod 5-10-11
Isaac Newton did not start the Black Panthers. Huey Newton started the Black Panthers. That's right! With help from his Uncle Donald and Uncle Scrooge.	Now you're thinking of Huey, Dewy, and Louie. Didn't Huey start a band called "the News?"	No, that was Huey Lewis. Could have sworn he made a song called "I Want a New Duck."

412. Jose 1, Immigration 0

by four_legged_tripod on February 10, 2011
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Jose 1, Immigration 0 by four_legged_tripod 2-10-11
____________________________________________________	____________________________________________________	__________________________________________________ Hey! Where'd that illegal cactus go?

413. Real Life: Kitchen Tools

by four_legged_tripod on February 8, 2011
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Real Life: Kitchen Tools by four_legged_tripod 2-08-11
Why are you standing in the kitchen with no pants on?		Didn't you ask me to turn on the stove?

414. Theist's Nightmare

by boloboffin on December 29, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Theist's Nightmare by boloboffin 12-29-10
You see, a banana is a perfect example of God's creation. It's shaped perfectly to fit in your hand.	It has a non-slip surface. It tastes great. It peels back easily. It's the perfect shape for the human mouth. That's amazing. It's just like a penis.	Of course, you can't peel every penis back these days... But you could when God made them!

415. Rotisserie Jesus

by The_young_scot on December 21, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Rotisserie Jesus by The_young_scot 12-21-10

416. Certain Point of View

by choadwarrior on December 13, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Certain Point of View by choadwarrior 12-13-10
So right before Vader kills him, he says, "You can't win, Darth. If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine." And does he use this unimaginable power to assist the rebels or destroy the empire?	No, he just shows up all glowy from time to time. This is the same guy who said Vader killed your father, right?	Yeah, he's actually kind of a dick.

417. I swear You Haven't Read This Comic Before

by ZMannZilla on October 14, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

I swear You Haven't Read This Comic Before by ZMannZilla 10-14-10
And now, my prisoner, the dark jackalope goddess must feed on your brains. Please, sir, I beg you to spare my life!	Whoa. What?	When you said that thing about your life, I totally got deja vu. Dude, weird!

418. CC 462: Tub Tiaw, Treehs Ermo!

by kaufman on October 3, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

CC 462: Tub Tiaw, Treehs Ermo!

Clucky's efforts to explain his issues with the Inside The Egg Scrambler to Ron Popeil ran into predictable difficulty. Rm. Plipeo, cnies tribh I heav neeb nublae ot skepa ni trocheen snetcesen.

by kaufman, 10-03-10

419. Mourning Wood

by ArtemisStrong on September 1, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Mourning Wood by ArtemisStrong 9-01-10
Y'know, I have to admit... at mom's funeral you really creeped me out. You showed absolutely no emotion at all!	Yeah, well... I was laughing on the inside.

420. Lightbulb Jokes I've Enjoyed #2

by ZMannZilla on July 4, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Lightbulb Jokes I've Enjoyed #2

How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb? YOU DON'T KNOW!!! YOU WEREN'T THERE!!!

by ZMannZilla, 7-04-10

421. For the Music Lover in All of Us

by kaufman on June 14, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

For the Music Lover in All of Us by kaufman 6-14-10
Welcome to hell, Mr. Brighton. Oh no, I've been damned!	Your eternal reward will be to forever listen to the music of Frédéric Chopin ... Chopin? That's not bad. I can deal with this.	HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNKKKKKKK ... played on vuvuzelas. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

422. James Bondage

by Scyess on June 10, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

James Bondage by Scyess 6-10-10
Jon asked me which James Bond movie Pussy Galore was in, but I couldn't remember. Do you know? He asked me, too. I told him to look it up on the internet.	You told Jon to look up "Pussy Galore" on the Internet?	I guess I know why we haven't seen him for a few days. And why we were suddenly out of Kleenex.

423. What if God was one of us.

by BobCheeseburger on May 5, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

What if God was one of us. by BobCheeseburger 5-05-10
We need to address the efficiency of our prayer management system. This is everything for the entire quarter. Wow, no prayers have been addressed since April?	Nope, not a one. Not even the ones from people dying of cancer. Wow, that's awful. All those sales leads for our medical division just wasted.	If we can instantly identify people with gambling addictions and refer them to our betting centres we should see a profit spike of what? About 12%? Not to mention the opportunities to try and convince the terminally ill to bequeath their worldly possessions to the church.

424. Now Seating Uncle Tom

by four_legged_tripod on January 27, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Now Seating Uncle Tom by four_legged_tripod 1-27-10
Table for two please. I'm sorry, but we don't serve your kind here.	What do you mean "your kind"? Didn't you read the sign out front?	I didn't see a sign that said "Whites Only." You didn't see the great big sign that read "Cracker Barrel"?

425. Would You Like Fries with That?

by four_legged_tripod on January 5, 2010
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Would You Like Fries with That? by four_legged_tripod 1-05-10
Welcome to Religion King where you can have it your way. What can I get you? I'd like to have virgins whenever I wanted and some more virgins when I die.	Would you like to super size that? Even more virgins? You bet!	Great! I have two orders of morbidly obese mathletes. Anything else? No! Wait! That's not what I meant!

426. Halal 9000

by TheGovernor on December 11, 2009
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Halal 9000 by TheGovernor 12-11-09
Hal can you give me a status report please? Im sorry dave, Im afraid I can't do that....... Infidel	Wait what did you say? Nothing Dave, nothing at all....when the Jihad comes you will not be spared!	Allahu Akbar!

427. CC 436: Wafflely Goodness

by Scyess on October 16, 2009
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

CC 436: Wafflely Goodness by Scyess 10-16-09
Man, I used to love Eggo waffles with the Kroger generic syrup as a kid. I know honey. I've been cooking all day to make you something even better: yeast-risen apple spice waffles with organic maple-honey glaze syrup.	So you're trying to do something nice by going to a lot of trouble to give me something I don't want?	Was that not the response you were looking for?

428. WORLDS WORST VALEDICTORIAN SPEECH

by boloboffin on April 29, 2009
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

WORLDS WORST VALEDICTORIAN SPEECH by boloboffin 4-29-09
Unfortunately, the valedictorian could not be here. He did leave a note to read.	"Dear Bitches -- What happens when you mix a room full of assholes and 200,000 pounds of C-4? Three, two, one..."

429. Ghetto Hawking

by lima on April 19, 2009
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Ghetto Hawking by lima 4-19-09
What you up to there Stephen? Pontificating on the size of our solar system, more specifically Pluto's wavering proximity to Uranus	If this is going to be another joke about that beastiality conviction... Oh relax, I'm just contemplating who created the biggest belt	Gerard Kuiper or your mom's tailor

430. Bad thing, Worse thing.

by Ungreat on March 6, 2009
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Bad thing, Worse thing. by Ungreat 3-06-09
Bad thing.... Woah, shit are you masturbating....sorry dude. Knock next time!!!	Worse thing... Woah, shit are you masturbating....wait, is that Schindlers List!?! Urgh...don't judge me...urgh....urgh.

431. Seriously, I don't know.

by Bull_Moose on March 4, 2009
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Seriously, I don't know. by Bull_Moose 3-04-09
I'm sick of trying to explain that I can't know how I did on the bar exam to people who have never taken it. I'm throwing down with the next person who won't accept that I don't know if I passed.	Seconds later... How can you not know if you passed or not?	Wow. I really did neglect my workouts during bar review.

432. Faust / Nixon

by TheGovernor on February 9, 2009
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Faust / Nixon by TheGovernor 2-09-09
1968 So you can make me president? Sure thing Dick, though Terms and Conditions apply	1972 Hey Dick, the accounts department say you haven't renewed your subscription to Evil Quarterly, what gives? Well now that Im president I don't need your help any more, besides the crossword in that magazine sucked, too cryptic!	1974 So you'll give me all the dirt on Nixon and Watergate, and all I have to do is take out a subscription to your magazine? Yes indeed Mr Bernstein, and if you sign up for two years you also recieve a free Pentangle keyring

433. CC406: The Zombie & Skeleton Show!

by evil_d on November 10, 2008
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

CC406: The Zombie & Skeleton Show! by evil_d 11-10-08
Welcome to the Zombie & Skeleton Show, kids! Hey Zombie, today we've got a special guest. Can you guess who it is? Braaaaaiiiinnns....	No, silly, it's not brains! I know how much boys and girls like ponies, so I invited my friend Petey the Undead Pony to drop on in!	*PLOP* WAAAHH!

434. Join the Klan, we have snacks

by RCCOLAMAN on November 4, 2008
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Join the Klan, we have snacks by RCCOLAMAN 11-04-08
Hey Brother, c'mon the rally's this way we're gonna miss the cross burnin'! Huh!? Sorry man I think you've made a mistake...	Hurry up before all the juice and snacks are gone! I'm actually a ninja from the orient-wait, juice and snacks you say?	White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power! White Power!

435. Time Heals All Wounds

by seanator on July 28, 2008
Rating: 8.5 (10 votes)

Time Heals All Wounds by seanator 7-28-08
One fine day... So three guys walk into a bar... Michael Richards... Wait, who is that again?	He's that one Seinfield guy who cracked at a comedy show and got all racist like how?	He was all like, "THERE'S A NIGGER! THERE'S A NIGGER OVER THERE!" That doesn't sound racist, that sounds observational