Top Rated Comics Archive

This static page shows every comic captured in sc_toprated_comics when the archive was generated.

251. Filing Clerk, VIP

by mmyers on September 27, 2006
Rating: 8.61 (18 votes)

Filing Clerk, VIP by mmyers 9-27-06
I don't understand why you use the little kid's urinal when there's regular sized ones available. It's so I can be like, "I'M A GIANT. LOOK AT ME PEEING IN THIS TINY LITTLE TOILET. RAH-RAH-RAH!"		Why are you watching where I'm peeing?

252. Doggy Job Interview

by biped on July 22, 2006
Rating: 8.61 (18 votes)

Doggy Job Interview by biped 7-22-06
Hello, I'm "Pup" Swerdlow. I'm here about the job interview. You didn't tell me over the phone that you were a dog.	Look, if you discriminate against me because of my species, I'll have the SPCA on this place so fast it'll-- FETCH THE NICE BONE, DOGGY! FETCH! FETCH!	WOOF!!! WOO--fuck.

253. Pete Ejaculates Randomly

by Zaster on October 6, 2004
Rating: 8.61 (18 votes)

Pete Ejaculates Randomly by Zaster 10-06-04
Loser.	Darn it.	Fortunately, Mr. Davis, it appears yours is only a mild form of Tourette's. Your mom.

254. Random Dialogue Contest

by Injokester on April 25, 2007
Rating: 8.6 (43 votes)

Random Dialogue Contest by Injokester 4-25-07
You're still here, aren't you?	I hate you, you life-ruining cunt.	I wish you'd just die. John, when I said to talk to our unborn child, this isn't what I meant.

255. Riddle Me This

by gabe_billings on July 21, 2010
Rating: 8.6 (25 votes)

Riddle Me This by gabe_billings 7-21-10
What's black and white and red all over? A newspaper?	And just fucked your girlfriend on your kitchen table? A garbage truck?	You suck at riddles. Gimme one more hint.

256. Loop

by choadwarrior on September 9, 2007
Rating: 8.6 (25 votes)

Loop by choadwarrior 9-09-07
What happened to you? I AM ROBOCHRIST! THIS DAMAGE OCCURRED WHEN I WAS DEACTIVATED FOR YOUR BUGS!	So because the humans ripped one robot apart, I can repeat my faulty programming? AFFIRMATIVE!	That isn't logical at all. You're telling me.

257. He's totally asking for it.

by JStrong on September 17, 2007
Rating: 8.59 (32 votes)

He's totally asking for it. by JStrong 9-17-07
Letter for you, Mr. McGee Thanks, Jeff!	Dear Mr. McGee: For 17 years now, I have been your mailman. Every day of these 17 years, you have called me Jeff. And every day, I have told you that my name is Dave. Enough is enough.	If it happens today, I will kill you dead. Sincerely, your mailman, DAVE Who the hell is Dave?

258. CC 57: You've got cancer!

by wirthling on August 27, 2001
Rating: 8.58 (137 votes)

CC 57: You've got cancer! by wirthling 8-27-01
Welcome! ???	You've got mail! What the hell?! I don't remember signing up for AOL!	You don't have AOL. You have a malignant brain tumor that is causing you to hallucinate that your PC is talking to you. Whew! That would have sucked if I had AOL!

259. CC423: Easter Penguin

by evil_d on April 7, 2009
Rating: 8.57 (42 votes)

CC423: Easter Penguin by evil_d 4-07-09
So, how did your first year as Easter Penguin go? Great! I hid 9,015,247,081 ice cubes and filled 1,519,822,487 baskets with regurgitated fish!		Liz, call the bunny and tell him we'll meet all his contract demands.

260. Pun Crowbar

by lima on September 9, 2008
Rating: 8.57 (42 votes)

Pun Crowbar by lima 9-09-08
I'm completely unlike a musical instrument. Hmm..	You're tightly strung, you've got a really long neck and a really small head.	Are you calling me a lyre?

261. Dating for Nerds

by kane2742 on January 5, 2008
Rating: 8.57 (21 votes)

Dating for Nerds by kane2742 1-05-08
I made a computer program to track my romantic experiences for future reference.	I call it my "Date-abase." Ha! Get it? Date-- It's empty, isn't it?	How'd you know?

262. History of the space race: the Middle Ages(1)

by mmyers on September 26, 2006
Rating: 8.57 (21 votes)

History of the space race: the Middle Ages(1) by mmyers 9-26-06
So the basic idea is that we set a monkey in a catapult, cut the rope, and theoretically, he should fly up to the moon. Sounds good. I'll cut the rope.	*THOOP!*	It just occured to me that we should probably do this at night so we can actually see where the moon is. I'll tell the king we'll need more monkeys.

263. rock, paper, fuck

by Humpenstein on January 24, 2006
Rating: 8.57 (21 votes)

rock, paper, fuck

Yes, that does beat scissors...

by Humpenstein, 1-24-06

264. Sam the Satanist (1)

by evil_d on August 2, 2005
Rating: 8.57 (21 votes)

Sam the Satanist (1) by evil_d 8-02-05
Well, Sam, your qualifications are impressive, and I think we'd be happy to have you aboard. Is there anything else you'd like to know about our company, or us to know about you? Well, I guess you should know that I'm a Satanist, and five times a day, we have to face towards Hell and utter a profane prayer in an ancient tongue.	Uh.... Ha! Ha! I'm just joking with you.	Heh heh, whew, you had me-- We don't have to face any particular direction.

265. Dung Fu

by biped on November 10, 2011
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Dung Fu by biped 11-10-11
When you can snatch the pebble from my hand, it will be time for you to lea-- GOT IT! Ha ha!		Hey, wait a minute--I don't know SHIT!!!

266. Captain Kirk Tells a Limerick

by kaufman on March 19, 2011
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Captain Kirk Tells a Limerick by kaufman 3-19-11
Ha! We machines have taken over your ship, and nothing can stop us from enslaving all of humanity. What do you say to that, Captain Kirk? Well, just allow me to tell you a little limerick first. There once was a man from Peru, Whose limericks would end at line two.	One minute of silence later... Is that it? You didn't finish. But the man's limericks are two lines long. But all limericks are five lines long. But that was two...	...Should be five. Two, five, two, five! error error errorerrorerror! Mr. Sulu, take us out of here. Warp 4.

267. Another Vulcan Limerick

by kaufman on March 5, 2011
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Another Vulcan Limerick by kaufman 3-05-11
Apparently experiencing an extreme case of pon farr, a human female attempted to have sexual relations with a stick of trinitrotoluene.	The ensuing explosion and unusually turbulent meteorological conditions caused her remains to be spread over fifteen hundred kilometers.	Most fascinating.

268. Vulcan Limerick

by kaufman on March 5, 2011
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Vulcan Limerick by kaufman 3-05-11
A human residing on an island off the coast of Cape Cod was endowed with such a lengthy sex organ that he could insert it into his mouth and create a partial vacuum.	In an illogical display of emotion, he removed some foreign matter from the underside of his jaw and made the following counterfactual statement:	"If a transporter malfunction had caused one of my aural organs to be replaced by female human genitalia, I would be capable of copulation without a partner."

269. Bubbles, the Vindictive Clown

by biped on February 19, 2011
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Bubbles, the Vindictive Clown by biped 2-19-11
Love...it truly "makes the world go 'round." Oh? And what about back before there were people? Didn't the world "go 'round" then?	Well...I'm sure the dinosaurs felt a kind of love for one another-- OH, THE DINOSAURS loved each other! WELL! Just wait till I tell my fellow students in clown college about THIS!	Well, to be honest, Bubbles--I also think the dinosaurs may have felt love.

270. Whitney Dates the Undead

by four_legged_tripod on December 28, 2010
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Whitney Dates the Undead by four_legged_tripod 12-28-10
...so then I decided that there was no way I couldn't buy the shoes. Don't you agree? Uuuuh huhhhh.	You are such a good listener. Most of my dates just can't stop talking about themselves. Tell me, what do you like most about me? Brains...	Oh. My. God. You are too perfect! Most guys just see my boobs and not my smarts!

271. love

by joshlomax on September 2, 2009
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

love by joshlomax 9-02-09
Love is beautiful Like birds that sing, Love is not ugly Like rats In a puddle of vomit	Love is beautiful Like the sunshine And the dancing wind, Love is not ugly Like pus And lice And tobacco snot . Love is beautiful	Love is a many splendoured thing. It is not a shipload of slaughtered pigs Rotting and festering In the bleating desert . Love is what love is And love is not What love is not

272. for not being pregnant

by dcomposed on December 8, 2008
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

for not being pregnant by dcomposed 12-08-08
Then Pete had this crazy idea to go camping, but we didn't have a tent! So we went to the tent shop to buy a tent and they had loads of them. Big rows of tents like cans of soup in a supermarket. We decided on a tent and then we had to work out whose car to take on the camping trip. Pete couldn't take his because he was lending it to a homeless man so he could visit his uncle in Albury-Wodonga	Barry couldn't take his car because two aboriginals, a Chinese and a Samoan had stolen the tyres off it so that meant that we had to take mine. And I didn't have much petrol so we stopped at Caltex Well we never actually made it camping because while I was filling up Barry went and got three hot dogs. After we ate them we were satisfied and we just went home and watched golf.	Now do you see why I was wearing your underwear? Not really.

273. RCL no. 1813

by RandomComicLayoutGuy on March 18, 2008
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

RCL no. 1813 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 3-18-08
I say we vote for the nigra, son! I prefer you say, "African-American", dad...	Oh. Right. Sorry.	Anyways... I'd much rather vote for the nig- I mean, African-American, than that whiny, old cunt! "John McCain", dad...

274. Really effective upselling

by JStrong on August 15, 2007
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Really effective upselling by JStrong 8-15-07
What can I getcha, hun? I'll just have a small salad.	Oh? That's too bad. What? Why?	Only gay guys eat salad. And here I was going to try to get lucky... I'LL HAVE TEN HAMBURGERS!

275. Ranger's World

by Ranger77 on September 22, 2006
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Ranger's World by Ranger77 9-22-06
I really had a good time tonight. I really like you and would like to see you again. Me too! It's so nice to finally meet and go out with a NICE guy!	Great! I want to earn your trust. I won't pressure you for sex or anything. I can wait until you're ready to make that next step.	So how did your date go? He's gay.

276. Simile DENIED

by Scyess on May 10, 2006
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Simile DENIED by Scyess 5-10-06
You know, people are like a frugal nun. Yeah! Especially the ones who happen to be frugal nuns!		Um, can I finish my witty analogy now? Not if I can help it.

277. Joe, the duck that says interstitial 6

by mandingo on September 10, 2005
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Joe, the duck that says interstitial 6 by mandingo 9-10-05
would you like to cyber, Joe? interstitial	i'm rubbing my tongue over your lips beak	what? interstitial

278. Quit your day job

by Injokester on August 26, 2005
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Quit your day job by Injokester 8-26-05
I've got bad news Chen,	I accidentally ran over your cat. Well that's okay, she's a cat, so she has another...	I'm 8 steps ahead of you.

279. What My Dad And I Argue Over Now

by choadwarrior on September 11, 2004
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

What My Dad And I Argue Over Now by choadwarrior 9-11-04
I think more people died on my birthday than yours. No, only 2,348 people died at Pearl Harbor.	How many people died on 9-11? 3,028	I guess you're right. Take THAT, old man! Your birthday will never be as tragic as mine!

280. Breakup

by ObiJo on February 3, 2004
Rating: 8.57 (14 votes)

Breakup by ObiJo 2-03-04
Maura, I think it's over between us. K, see ya.		God that was messy.

281. Fool Me Once

by four_legged_tripod on April 2, 2018
Rating: 8.75 (8 votes)

Fool Me Once by four_legged_tripod 4-02-18
Dude, why you cryin'? It's April second.	Oh, I get it. April Fool's is over and you're the king of pranks. Like the snakes in my bed, the clear gelatin in my toilet bowl, the list goes on. It's not that.	So what is it? She's still pregnant!

282. Freedom 2016

by choadwarrior on December 26, 2016
Rating: 8.57 (7 votes)

Freedom 2016 by choadwarrior 12-26-16
So, whose dick do I have to suck in a park toilet around here to get into heaven? It doesn't work that way, Mr. Michael.	Then what's the process? ♫♫ You gotta have faith, faith, faith ♫♫	How long have you been waiting to use that joke? Since 1987, but honestly, I thought you'd be here much sooner.